Nostalgia has been haunting me lately. There’s a desperate longing for periods in my life that were just much simpler. The moments vary, whether it was high school, college, or even as recent as when we lived in our Buies Creek bubble.
Those simpler times certainly had their own troubles, I must remind myeslf. It’s just easy to put things in perspective in hindsight. Life these days is hard. Throat closing, panic attack inducing hard.
Nothing is wrong necessarily. It’s just that every single thing we do on a daily basis carries so much weight. There’s a physical and mental exhaustion that rides on the back of entrepreneurship. When every dollar you make depends solely on your hustle, your perspective of hard work shifts.
My brain feels constantly full. So full, in fact, that I’ve stopped making space for creativity. This blog is suffering. I haven’t written a single word in my current manuscript in months. Months. It’s not that I don’t have the time. That’s not the problem at all. I’ve just gotten into the habit of wasting time.
I get it. I do. But I miss bubbling up with creativity and being unable to fight the urge to tap out 1000 words, uncovering a story buried deep within.
The breakdown comes from a lack of planning. Because I spend so much of my time chasing Bliss, I find it easy to excuse away planning as a waste of time. So, then, “unnecessary” creative projects just crash and burn.
I told myself when I finished Yeah, maybe that I’d keep the momentum going. And now I can hardly remember what that exhilaration felt like. But the truth is, no one is going to do any of these things for me.
It’s been heavy on my heart lately. This hard-to-ignore feeling that if I don’t act on these things soon, they’ll slip away all together. But committing to them means sacrifice. Sacrificing down time, sleep, and time with friends. It was easier in Buies Creek, of course it was. I was in isolation with an MIA husband in a house that only set us back $600/month.
But if I’m waiting for the stars to align and deliver that kind of opportunity again on a silver platter, I might as well just give up now.
So, I guess once I say it, it’s real. You heard it here first. Book 2 is coming.
::dives into black hole::