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The Truth Behind My Feelings of Inadequacy

I'm going to be really honest here. Until recently, I didn't think I was worth all that much. That might be a harsh thing to admit, but if I felt that way, chances are someone else does, too. And I think it's important for me to share this story if that's the case.

Inadequate. That would be the one word I would use to sum up my total teenage and young adult existence. I was never the prettiest. I was never the smartest. And I most certainly wasn't the most successful. In the great game of comparison, I came up shit every. single. time.

I accepted that life, that role. It never occurred to me to challenge it. Not good enough.

I started seeing other people doing the things I wanted. That only fueled the downward spiral. How come they could have those things but I couldn't?

Until one morning I just woke up and thought, no. This isn't going to be my life anymore. The limitations I felt weren't real. They didn't actually exist. They were all in my head, perceptions developed into a false reality. The only reason I couldn't have the things I wanted was because I wasn't doing the things I wanted.





Did your world just shatter?


What you want honestly has nothing to do with anyone else. If someone is already doing it, cool. If someone isn't, great. I often have fraudy feelings around everything I'm doing because those other people are legit, and I'm just some girl on the internet with a computer.

Confidence comes from doing. I've had a lot of people tell me I've changed the last few years, and that's very true. I'm no longer insecure or inadequate. I still have feelings of doubt every single day, but I don't allow them to stop me from anything. The more I do, the better I feel.

I have a lot of theories about why I spent a majority of my life selling myself short, but they really don't matter. The only part that matters is that I let it happen. And I was the only person who could change it. 

I gave a lot of people the power to determine my worth, everyone but myself. It was only when I took the control back into my own hands that I started to feel worthy of anything. I believe I'm the happiest when I'm being challenged, when I'm learning and growing.

I felt that way with the book, and I feel that way now with the business. Those things don't define me, no. But it was in the journey of the doing that I learned who I was and what I was actually capable of. And there, I found my worth.



One Step at a Time

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While on the phone with a friend last week, she shared that she was really proud of me and Myra, and that she couldn't believe how quickly our business launched.

I thought about it for minute. Did we really launch that quickly? I thought back over every meeting, every project, every decision and realized that in fact, no. We took our dear sweet time.

The only difference I could see, though, was that from the moment we had the idea, we started doing. 

Often times, people get stuck in the talking phase. They seek out approval, sharing their idea with everyone under the sun. They research everything to death. And before they realize it, a year has gone by and all they've managed to accomplish is to scare themselves out of starting.

There's a lot of energy that goes into the talking, and if you ask me, it's energy wasted. We discussed things, sure, but attached to every discussion was an action step that we held each other accountable for. When I'd get stuck, Myra would carry the weight and vise versa. 

I'll say this, Bliss wouldn't have launched without her. Where I saw roadblocks, she powered right through. Taking her own as my partner was the missing piece to the puzzle. Once we agreed to go in on this thing together, it was full steam ahead.

We held each other accountable. We held ourselves to a higher standard simply out of respect for our partnership. It's easy to excuse away letting yourself down, but you'd think twice about letting someone else down. That was the key to our success, I truly believe it.

We each did something every single day that would power our journey forward. Whether it was setting up a page on our website or creating a document that corresponded with out packaging, one little step after another was all it took.

launch_a_business


When you look at the big picture, it can overwhelm you into paralysis. Break the whole process down into actionable todos, small actionable todos. And then commit to crossing one thing off your list at a time. Before you know it, you'll be somewhere new.

I've stopped mid project a few times over the last few weeks just to marinate in the feelings of gratitude. I'm so thankful we didn't stop. I'm so proud that we kept each other moving forward. I'm so proud that we didn't give up.

My life looked a lot different only a few months ago. But each tiny step, every little todo crossed off our list, brought us here today.

And trust me, if we could do it,
so can you.

If you like hearing about the behind-the-scenes stuff from our business, be sure to follow the Bliss blog here! We also send out a newsletter weekly, which you can subscribe to HERE!

Fire Fuels Fire: The Negative Spiral

negativity_breeds_negativity

There's this thing that happens. First, it's one negative thought. And then another. And then you find a friend who shares the same thoughts and all you can do is talk about these negative things, giving them energy. And before you even know what's happening, you're spiraling down.

Misery loves company, we've all heard it before.
But have you ever stopped to think about what that means?

Think for a moment, the friends you talk to the most: are you sharing in anything other than your mutual hatred of something? What are your conversations like? When something bad happens, do you immediately feel that fire building in your heart that fuels you to run to your friend and talk it to death?

I ask because this was once me.
And I couldn't understand why everything felt so heavy.

Confession: I've gotten very picky about who I spend my time with.

It was never something I did super intentionally, but it is something I noticed recently.

I found myself seeking out the company of people I could learn from, people I admired, and people who are generally positive. Slowly, over time, I distanced myself from the friendships that were only developed out of commiserating.

It seems like a simple, obvious thing. But we've been trained to talk about the things we hate almost to the point that we can't help it. If we talk about anything else, we come across boastful and braggy, and society teaches us not to be that way. It's easy to find people who hate the same things, they're a dime a dozen. But finding meaningful and positive friendships is harder to do. It requires some weeding.

But a magical thing happens when you start to climb your way out of the negative spiral, one person at a time. You'll begin to notice that your conversations with those people give you energy instead of draining it. Their presence makes you feel strong, supported, and encouraged. Their friendship forces you to be and do better.

Fire fuels fire.
Which fire are you fueling?

Negativity breeds negativity.
What are you spreading?

Redefining Exercise: 5 At Home Workouts

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I'm a tunnel vision kind of person. Stubborn and determined, but mostly hard headed. Those qualities are great when you're committing yourself to launching a business or making your marriage work, but not so great when you're dealing with injury in exercise.

It's no secret that I'm a runner. I clawed and coughed my way to that title, and I was holding onto it for dear life.

The fact is, I worked hard to find that solace after everything went down in 2013. It took many long, hard weeks huffing and puffing my way through the C25K program to find the comfort and release I'd eventually become dependent on in running.

But when I broke my foot at the end of the program, I was gutted. I was sidelined for a couple months, and I had to basically start at square one once healed.

And then I broke it again.

Once I had a taste of those sweet endorphins pumping through my veins, I was like a junky desperate for just one more dose. But at some point reason and logic have to come into the mix. 

While chatting with Kristin, I finally admitted that I was going through a phase of redefining what activity and exercise mean in relationship to my life. 

I don't know if I'm the only one, but when I have my head and heart set on something, it's hard for me to accept that it just might not be right. 

With my new schedule and the fact that my body is healing (and also probably the fact that it's a bajillion degrees outside), I'm introducing new habits into my routine.

I like to transition my workday with a workout, and it's actually been working quite nicely to add a bit of variety into my life. I know, I know. It always just takes some time for me to come around. guilty.

We have a gym in our complex, so I've had a hard time convincing myself to join a studio, although I'm sure that'll be my next step in the near future. But in the meantime, here's what I've been up to.

5 At Home Workouts (top floor apartment friendly):

  1. Yoga. I'm a totally newbie but desperate to get good. Is it just me or is yoga just so impressive? I swear, watching someone do it is entrancing, and those who practice often have bangin' bodies! SaraBethYoga on youtube is my go to when practicing at home. Straight, to the point, not a whole lot of pointless chatter and the music isn't annoying.
  2. Pilates. I am so damn weak y'all. I'd love to tone up and build strength, so adding in some pilates has definitely been helpful. You'll find an abundance of free training sessions at The Balanced Life with Robin Long on youtube.
  3. Cycling. Uhm, confession? I'd see someone on the cycle just casually pedaling while I was on the treadmill and I'd think to myself do a real damn workout. I take it back. I take it all back. Holy bananas. If you're a beginner (like me) this is a good one to start with.
  4. Abs. I know I'm not the only one who wants a six pack. The 30 day ab challenge is great for a quick at home addition to a workout routine.
  5. Squats. I know, kill me now. But the 30 day squat challenge has my legs (and booty, thankyouverymuch) looking better than ever.
I do still throw a run in every now and again (okay, more like a couple times a week), but I'm not running as consistently or as far as before. Progress, people, not perfection. I'll take it.

Do you have any go to at home workouts? Share below!

**the yoga and pilates videos were recommended to me by Kristin!

Systems, habits and Routines


You know that first week of school feeling? You've got all new supplies that you can't wait to use. You have your brand new outfits laid out, perfectly planned for each day of the week. And you've promised yourself that you're going to stay on top of homework, making sure you get it done right when you get home no excuses, ok?

And then week number three rolls around. You can't see the floor of your bedroom and you can't even find that super expensive binder that omg-you-absolutely-had-to-have-or-you'll-flunk-math-do-you-want-me-to-flunk-math-Mom!?!?
Been there.
Done that.
Sorry, Mom.

I admitted last week that I've been trying to figure out systems and routines, anything to make the work-from-home day go smoothly. I had a momentary thought as I was placing strawberries atop my yogurt as my dessert that huh...it doesn't matter how old we get, that first week of school feeling still exists.

Case in point: desserts are my coping mechanism. Always has been, always probably will be. So after a month full of omg-this-is-really-happening-what-have-I-done-was-this-a-mistake-no-okay-it's-not thoughts, I realized I'd eaten an ungodly number of desserts...a day. I suddenly heard myself saying out loud to my husband "I'm trying not to have any desserts anymore, not in the traditional sense, anyway."

New routine. New declarations.
Happens every time.

It's a joke, really, because everyone knows I can't possibly go without sugar. It's just not something I'll do. But for now I've told myself that I'm allowed to have my normal coffee (creamer, lattes, whatever), but the only "desserts" I'm allowed are fruit and yogurt. I have no idea why I'm doing this. And I don't think it'll end up mattering, but I just found the whole thought process slightly amusing. 

My favorite part of becoming an adult
was being allowed to eat desserts whenever I wanted.
So this will be interesting, huh?

I figured this whole new structure to my life was a good opportunity to track and change some habits. I'd gotten painfully lazy toward the end of my day-job, just feeling completely burnt out. I used to really enjoy keeping my home, meal prepping, and establishing well-being habits. Turns out when you're doing all those things for someone else's life, you tend to sweep your needs and habits under the rug. So it's time to start anew. 

I'm using a bullet journal-type system to help me keep track of things so I can evaluate at the end of the month and adjust as needed. 

The whole concept of bullet journaling fascinates me, but I just don't have a need for most of it. If you're interested, though, you can find a full run down here.

I only started on the 9th, but it's already pretty evident where my priorities really lie. There are some things I can already tell you from now just won't factor it. Either because I realize I just don't care, or because I incorporated them inapropriately (I should have broken down the cleaning rather than stating a "Full Clean." I don't operate that way). 

Anyway, we'll see how it all goes. I'll do an end of month report to loop y'all in. 

Tell me, do you bullet journal in any way?
I'll do a whole breakdown of how I plan to use it soon!


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