I wish you could understand the amount of guilt I felt when I walked away in the middle of taking the tree down to go lay down in bed.
That is just not me.
When I start something, I finish it. Especially when it comes to cleaning my house.
You could come over any day of the week. You could pop in on me at any time.
You would not find dishes piled in the sink or an overflowing hamper.
It’s just not who I am.
As I laid there in bed, I started to feel angry. Angry with myself for not being able to just suck it up and do what I have to do. I felt a burning fury in my heart because my body just said no. It’s been two weeks since my operation. I should be able to do whatever I need to do. Guilt, my friends. It’s a real thing. I blame it on being raised Catholic. 😉
But as I laid there, I got to thinking. It’s okay. It’s okay that my house is a hot mess. It’s okay that I slept until 10AM today. It’s okay that I only got the tree down without putting everything else away. It’s okay that it’s 1:09 PM and I’m still in my pajamas.
Taking care of yourself is one of the hardest things we allow ourselves to do. Why is that? We are so quick to jump and do whatever needs to be done for others, but when it comes to taking care of ourselves we put it on the back burner. We push ourselves until we just can’t anymore. And how is that fair? Are we that committed to everything else that we let ourselves become unimportant?
So I’m admitting this to you. To myself. I just can’t do everything I used to yet. I get tired easily and my body still hurts sometimes. My house is a hot mess and I haven’t showered. And as I lay in bed I can’t help but think of the laundry list of things that need to get done, but I’m going to roll over and let myself rest. Because sometimes you just need to.
Our bodies need time to heal. Our minds need time to reset and rest. We don’t allow ourselves near enough time for these things anymore. Don’t make everything more important than you.
You definitely shouldn't feel guilty! You need to take it easy. Sounds like your surgery went well then? Did you have a good Christmas?
Amen sista! This was a lesson that I learned being pregnant. Anytime I felt guilty for not getting enough done I would remember that at that moment I WAS doing something, growing a human, and that in just a few short months I wouldn't have the same luxuries of not doing all the things we deem important. It was a good lesson that I remind myself on now. Rest is an important part in life.
And you! You are recovering from a major surgery, and in the long and short run it is just so much more important to listen to your body. So take your words to heart and get that guilt outta there!!
Eh, feeling guilty isn't worth it. Most of my guilt comes from the fact that I used to work out 5-7 days a week and now I don't. When it comes to housekeeping, I go through mad-organizing phases (currently) and I think that makes up for everyday I spend lying on the couch.
I'm glad you're at least trying to be up and around and hope recovery is coming quickly! I wish we could have a blate!
I loved this post! It's been almost 2 months since I had my crohns surgery and I'm still healing and having the same thoughts and feelings as you!
It's hard but I've accepted that I need to feel ready before I decide to jump back into things 🙂
I hope you got some rest, lady, and don't worry – the mess will sadly still be there tomorrow. I have tried many times to wish it away or hope if I let it sit there, it would leave, but nope =)
Definitely don't feel guilty – I know that's much easier said than done, because I too feel guilty when my house looks like a wreck. Like it does now… oops. But you're right – taking care of ourselves is much more important. As long as you're happy & healthy who cares what your house looks like right now?? 😉