Fire Fuels Fire: The Negative Spiral

by Joey | Jul 21, 2016 | Throwback

There’s this thing that happens. First, it’s one negative thought. And then another. And then you find a friend who shares the same thoughts and all you can do is talk about these negative things, giving them energy. And before you even know what’s happening, you’re spiraling down.

Misery loves company, we’ve all heard it before.

But have you ever stopped to think about what that means?

Think for a moment, the friends you talk to the most: are you sharing in anything other than your mutual hatred of something? What are your conversations like? When something bad happens, do you immediately feel that fire building in your heart that fuels you to run to your friend and talk it to death?

I ask because this was once me.

And I couldn’t understand why everything felt so heavy.

Confession: I’ve gotten very picky about who I spend my time with.

It was never something I did super intentionally, but it is something I noticed recently.

I found myself seeking out the company of people I could learn from, people I admired, and people who are generally positive. Slowly, over time, I distanced myself from the friendships that were only developed out of commiserating.

It seems like a simple, obvious thing. But we’ve been trained to talk about the things we hate almost to the point that we can’t help it. If we talk about anything else, we come across boastful and braggy, and society teaches us not to be that way. It’s easy to find people who hate the same things, they’re a dime a dozen. But finding meaningful and positive friendships is harder to do. It requires some weeding.

But a magical thing happens when you start to climb your way out of the negative spiral, one person at a time. You’ll begin to notice that your conversations with those people give you energy instead of draining it. Their presence makes you feel strong, supported, and encouraged. Their friendship forces you to be and do better.