by Joey | May 4, 2016 | Throwback
I believe in purpose. I believe in seasons. I also believe that many of us stay loyal to things that are no longer serving us (or that we are no longer serving) because we feel an emotional connection to it because it once served a purpose.
But seasons are just that, seasons. Passing. We all have things that we throw ourselves into for a period of time. And while at some point that’s exactly what we were meant to be doing, it’s also important to recognize when the season is over and it’s time to move on.
It’s never an easy decision to make, especially because at one point or another, that thing you’re moving on from probably saved you. Or maybe you saved it. Or it’s a combination of both.
We stay loyal because service is what flows through our veins. But there are symptoms that can’t be ignored. When a friendship no longer feels healthy, when a marriage becomes toxic, or a job drains more than it gives, it’s important to listen to your gut and seek guidance.
We all live in fear of making a mistake. A bold generalization, sure, but true none the less. Whether it’s choosing the wrong person to marry, taking the wrong job, or simply taking on a credit card that’ll steal your soul, these mistakes we’re so afraid of making dictate too much of our lives.
We sit, marinating in the fear for so long that we end up paralyzed. Never making bold choices. Never demanding what we feel is right out of loyalty to a season that’s long since ended.
When is it ever the right time to start serving yourself first? If you’re waiting for things to settle, stop. If you’re waiting for security, stop. If you’re waiting for someone else to tell you when it’ll be the right time, stop.
Only you, yes you, can diagnose the end of a season. And only you can make the bold choice to recognize that the purpose has been served and it’s okay to move on.
by Joey | May 4, 2016 | Throwback
I am not hardcore. I feel things. I feel everything.
I used to argue with my husband when he’d tell me that I’m too emotional that it was a necessary quality in a writer. In a good writer, anyway. But where it’s not a good quality? In life. In life, being emotional makes you unpredictable. Weak. Sometimes insufferable.
Everything I ever do, I do based on feeling. I used to be the most cheerful person on the planet, insufferably cheerful even. So basing everything on emotion was perfectly fine because I gave the world the benefit of the doubt, blissfully unaware of the dark side of people. But life has weathered me, leaving me bitter and lately…angry. Leaving life up to emotion when you feel angry 90% of the time is dangerous. Irresponsible. Toxic.
I have a lot to sort out; my head is a jumbled mess of thoughts and worries. Things I never knew bothered me are bubbling to the surface, and I don’t know how to make sense of it all. I’m becoming uncomfortably intimate with my imperfections.
I’ve mentioned my struggle with authenticity vs. approval. While I don’t think any of us should trade our authenticity for approval, we do need to remember that sometimes our authentic selves are struggling great loss, and that authenticity is intimate, better kept behind closed doors.
I’m not good at faking it. I spent a lot of my life faking everything, praying to fit in and find approval. I swore off that drug, only to find that in some situations it’s necessary. Grin and bear it, they say. Something I’ll have to re-learn.
I’ve let my authentic self hang out all over the place lately. This angry, blubbering mess of a girl, confused about everything, has been stomping around taking everyone in my path down with me.
I am an imperfect, emotional person. But I am also a grown woman. And somehow blending those two has been more difficult than I ever imagined.
