Moving.
I keep having these dreams that we’re moving. Usually, it’s not anywhere crazy–just a simple move within the same area. In fact, last night I dreamt that we were moving to a different apartment within the same complex.
And I always wake up sort of panicky and then I’m flooded with relief when I realize it’s just a dream. In fact, J came to bed really late last night, and that’s what woke me from that dream. And I was scared (weird) to fall back to sleep, fearing that I’d end up in the same dream.
I’m not one to believe the dreams really mean anything (mine are often way too random), but this has been a consistent theme among my dreams for the last few months. I feel like once a week I have a similar experience. So I looked it up.
That’s not earth shatteringly visionary or anything–it’s a pretty easy conclusion to draw, but it couldn’t be more spot on. In all aspects, really. My need for change stems from needing to find the balance within my day job and my writing. I know change is on the horizon in that regard, and I’m anxiously awaiting for that moment.
Signifying the end of a situation? I guess that’s it, too. Part of our lives is over. Football, which seemed like an extension of my family, isn’t anymore. It’s okay, but it’s different. And I think it’ll take us at least 365 days before we’re fully comfortable with that change. It’s like a loss, really. You don’t know how you’ll really cope with it until you’ve experienced it through all seasons.
I find it funny that it could also signify the end of a relationship. I spent forty minutes writing and rewriting a blog post last night that I ended up just deleting all together. It was all about what do you do when your best friend isn’t your best friend anymore. I’ve touched on this a few times over the last few years, but it’s a realization that just comes slowly and yet all at once. You just wake up one day and realize someone who was once so important just…isn’t in your life anymore. And for me, of all the things those dreams might have signified, this is the most prominent. It’s something I carry on my heart day in and day out despite the lack of attention I give it. And there’s really no way to discuss it without sounding petty or pathetic. But it’s there.
I’m not sure how to make the dreams stop. It’s interesting to me that something I’ve done so much over the last five years is haunting my dreams as if they were nightmares. There aren’t any monsters chasing me or people holding me at gun point (although that’s made an appearance in the last month). It’s the act of moving that torments my mind in the wee hours of the night.
Every move we’ve ever made has been a good one in its own right. They’ve each been full of fear, apprehension, stress, and anxiety. But they’ve all been for the best. It doesn’t take a genius to pull together some kind of conclusion from this.
