At this point, I’d come to expect it.

“Hi Joey. I’m sure by now you dread seeing my name pop up on your screen.”

She wasn’t wrong.

The director of the daycare, a sweet woman about my age, was once again on the other end of the line to ask me to come get my son.

I texted my boss. Again. And I drove the 25 minutes to the daycare. Again. And picked up my son. Again.

Biting.

He was one. He’d only been in the one year old classroom a few weeks when the phone calls became a nearly every day occurance.

Everyone I spoke to told me it was completely typical toddler behavior. My family. My friends with multiple children. The pediatrician.

“But I’m getting calls almost every single day.” I told the pediatrician. “This can’t be normal.”

“It is,” they assured me.

But when we were one warning away from permanent dismissal, I made the difficult decision to pull him out. I’ll just keep him home with me.

I was lucky, I knew. I had just left my in-office job for a remote position. It was a big job, my new role. But it was also within a very understanding, supportive and flexible company. Do it, my bosses assured me. We’ll make it work.

And they did. Until the economy turned and I found myself sitting on the receiving end of the painful laid offconversation.

I found myself in a tricky situation. I needed a new job. But now I needed it to be fully remote and understanding. My journey to employment is a different story, one I may share another time, but just know that the experience added to the complexity of what we were facing.

Nearly a year after the daycare situation, I got the courage to try again. Preschool. Structured. Surely, this would be better.

It wasn’t.

The conversations started almost immediately. He wasn’t biting anymore, thank goodness. But now the culprit was powerful hugs.

My son has an October birthday, setting him up for a life of always being one of the oldest in a classroom.

He’s getting in trouble for hugging kids?

You can imagine the confused look on anyone’s face with whom I shared that information. Again, my family. My friends with multiple children. The pediatrician.

“This is very typical toddler behavior,” the pediatrician assured me.

But when my son was spending more time in the director’s office than his classroom, I had to make the painful call yet again. And I pulled him out.

Now what?

I’ll just keep him home.

I was lucky, I knew. I was working part-time in a flexible remote position and making up the difference working for myself. I could make it work. And I did.

But it was getting harder and harder to keep all the balls in the air. And then, an angel appeared. Okay, not literally, but it might as well have been literal. A post showed up in my neighborhood Facebook feed. A woman, only a few streets over, was looking to add a child to her small, in-home daycare setting.

Only a few children. Very structured. And with an actual angel running the show? Could this finally be it, I wondered.

At the same time I enrolled him in the in-home daycare, I also enrolled him in a program that was designed for toddlers who needed help in a classroom setting. Finally, I thought. We were getting somewhere. Maybe, just maybe, we’d found our footing.

We hadn’t.

While my son was thriving in the in-classroom program (one I attended along with him every week), the angel had to make the painful call — she couldn’t keep him any longer.

I have a responsibility to keep the other children safe.

That was a line I’d grown accustomed to hearing. One that while good intentioned, left me feeling gut punched every single time.

So while I was hearing weekly from the in-classroom teacher that she couldn’t understand why we were in the program, my kiddo was once again getting dismissed from a childcare setting.

I didn’t understand.

And I didn’t know what to do.

I was lucky, I knew. Despite my heavy workload, I was home. I could just keep him home with me. I could make it work. And I did.

Seven months later, after going completely screen-free and participating in a local friend group that allowed for frequent playdates with children his own age, we decided to try again.

This time would be better.

It wasn’t.

He’d only attended three class sessions before the conversations started.

Toy snatching. Powerful hugs. Very busy. Not listening.

“This is all very typical toddler behavior,” the pediatrician assured me.

But when I found myself having lengthy conversations with the director every time I went to drop off or pick up my son from the very part-time program, I knew we were at the end of our journey with traditional settings.

“I won’t ever enroll him in another program ever again”, I cried to my mother. “I can’t,” I weeped. “I don’t have the emotional endurance for this.”

Every where I turned, family, friends with multiple children, the pediatrician, our parent counselor, the behaviors were getting dismissed as totally typical.

Obviously something is going on though because we have now been dismissed from four childcare settings.

This time was different though. The preschool where my son was enrolled worked with us to help move him through a local evaluation process. It was the first time that instead of just dismissing the behaviors as “problematic,” they saw them for what they might be: signs of something else going on.

What we were seeing:

On their own, none of the behaviors threw up any significant red flags.

The things we were seeing were:

• Speech delayed
• Grabbing
• Hugging
• Toy snatching
• No boundaries/personal space
• Difficulty with understanding and respecting limits
• Very busy / always moving

But along with those things, we were seeing things like

• Compassion and empathy
• Very bright
• Desire to be super social
• Little-to-no difficulty with transitions
• Could follow directions (if you actually had his attention)
• A strong desire to “help”

The process that got us access to the right resources:

We had originally attempted our hand at independent evaluations and potential therapies on our own. First with a speech evaluation when he was just over 1.5 that resulted in a no therapy is recommended at this time outcome. I had also attempted to obtain an occupational therapy evaluation when he was dismissed from the in-home care. I was put on a waitlist for an evaluation appointment to become available. I made the call in February. By June, we still didn’t have an eval appointment booked. This route proved to be frustrating, disjointed and ultimately very expensive and fruitless.

Luckily, the county we live in has a program available to children not yet school-aged. This program offers things like the class we attended weekly to help toddlers prepare for a classroom setting. It also offers parent counseling and once the child is three, an initial evaluation to determine if they could potentially be eligible for additional resources.

One week before his third birthday, we had that initial assessment. And they did determine he would potentially be eligible for additional support. From there, we were graduated to a different program that was associated with the school system within our county to potentially obtain an IEP and access the proper therapies and support.

The evaluation process

Initial intake

This was a meeting with the case manager within the school system programming. They went over all the results from the initial assessment and got additional information from us. My son attended the meeting with me, and he was given toys to play with while we talked in a small office. The case manager explained what we could expect from this process and the potential outcomes.

The Big Evaluation

Our county works with an evaluation center that only does evaluations. It helps speed the process along. All of the services and therapies, however, are provided from the county’s school system.

It was explained that waiting for this appointment would likely be the “longest” step of the process. It’s worth noting, too, that we were entering into this process in the weeks leading to Thanksgiving, which was obviously the kick-off to the holiday season where many would be out of the office and the school system would be closing for winter break.

The Big Eval consisted of a Speech Pathologist, an occupational therapist and a child psychologist. I was placed in a room on the other side of a one-way-mirror while they entered a room with my son. They lead him through certain activities that he was more than happy to participate in, all the while making notes and engaging in certain dialogue with him and one another. I could see and hear everything going on within the room but he could not see or hear me.

The eval ended with them bringing me into the room and offering their immediate feedback and insights along with asking me additional questions. They promised an official write up of their findings and recommendations within a week.

Classroom evaluation

Though my son had already been dismissed from the preschool at this point, they agreed to allow him to return to the classroom for the classroom eval. This was an integral part of the process for us because a the behaviors that were triggering us to enter into this process were really only presenting consistently within a classroom setting.

The evaluator observed him in the classroom for about 45 minutes and provided a write up of what they saw and what their recommendations would be.

They did also speak with me briefly in the hallway when I went to pick my son up after the evaluation.

They promised to provide a detailed documentation of the evaluation to the team to provide context and insight for the Big Meeting.

The Results & Scheduling The Big Meeting

All of the information was sent to us within the promised timeline. I will admit that I didn’t totally understand everything presented, but it was extremely thorough and I appreciated having the information ahead of The Big Meeting.

At the time the results were sent, we were also given a call to schedule The Big Meeting.

Big Meeting: Evaluation & eligibility results

The Big Meeting was a virtual gathering of myself, my son’s father, our case manager, a speech pathologist and an occupational therapist. They went over the evaluation results in depth, explained what everything meant, shared our eligibility results (he was eligible) and then provided their intended plan for intervention and therapies.

Our Individualized Education Plan (IEP) included enrollment in a special education preschool classroom, speech therapy twice a week and occupational therapy once a month.

Our timeline

• September 25th, 2024: First assessment within the original program
• October 23, 2024: Initial Intake with County Program
• November 13, 2024: Big Evaluation
• November 14, 2024: Classroom Evaluation
• December 10, 2024: Big Meeting (IEP eligibility meeting)

This has been such a challenging experience. And I know how isolating it can feel to know deep in your soul that something is going on with your child but to be so far from any real answers.

If you’re noticing any of the above behaviors in your child, I’d recommended reaching out to the resources available to you within your county.

If you just need support, a friend or a lifeline to sanity, let’s connect. As a parent in the midst of it, I’m here for you.

Listen, I feel like from the moment those two lines appear, everyone and their mother has something to say to you about sleep. Get it while you can. You’ll never sleep again. Yada. Yada. Yada. I’ll be honest, one of the reasons we took our time deciding to have a family (11 years) was because I know myself well enough to know that I just don’t function well on little sleep. I struggled for years, years as a new adult with sleep. I don’t know what the issue was exactly, but from about 23 to 26, I sucked at sleeping. So when I finally got that under control, I thought right — I can’t do anything that’s going to mess this up.

So when we did finally decide to start a family, I started my research. And if you know me at all, you know my researching skills are pretty remarkable. (Let this be a warning to you, I can uncover just about any piece of information… ::sinister laugh::)

There is so much information out there about baby sleep. Like…so much. And the more I researched, the more I realized it all kind of contradicted itself. It became clear early on that I would have to get clear about my goals but flexible about the methods. It was imperative to me, though, that I didn’t do anything I was uncomfortable with. Now, I will put out this disclaimer: the majority of my research took place during my pregnancy. It’s cute that we think we know who we are going to be as parents. We do not. I could not comprehend how much I would change or how much my instincts would rule all once our son entered the world. That being said; the approach I initially landed on is the one we stayed with throughout his infancy. It aligned with my values pre-parenting and remained in alignment once the mama bear was unleashed.

Sleep training a baby

I opted for the Taking Cara Babies Will I Ever Sleep Again course which focuses on newborn sleep. She has an option to bundle the first five months course with the newborn course — I didn’t do that. I only purchased the newborn course. And I will say this: what we learned in that course saved us in the beginning. It’s been a long time since I took that course, so I don’t remember specifics from it, which is probably for the best since I’m not allowed to share those anyway. But I do remember what we did for the most part, and that I can share.

Our approach to newborn sleep

This is what we did 0-3 months that set us up to still have successful sleep at almost 3 years old. Our main goal was that we wanted our son to be a great independent sleeper. Pre-parenting, I wasn’t necessarily opposed to the cry it out method, but I did find that by implementing what we learned from the Taking Cara Babies course, that approach just wasn’t necessary in our journey.

Focus on routine, not schedule

This is something that we still rely on to this day, and my son is 3 months shy of 3 years old. It was imperative to me in the beginning to get our newborn on a “day time” and “night time” regimen. The thing is, for those first few months of their lives, their days and nights don’t really look all that different unless you make them look different. We set up an “evening routine” that we still use to this day. These cues signal to our son’s body that hey, it’s time to slow down, relax, power down. Before his first block of evening sleep, we did bath, bottle bed. That first stretch is usually the longest block of sleep you’ll get, so it was important to us that we do everything we can to set him up for success with that.

We followed wake windows pretty closely during the day. Then we’d cue up the evening with that routine.

The S’s

Another thing we did to cue up the evening was implement the 5 Ss. It sounds silly, but it’s legit magically. We’d swaddle our son, offer him a pacifier to suck, position him in our ours facing outward on his side or down on his stomach, and swing. The first few times we tried this, it felt a little like learning new choreography. But after a few tries, it becomes second nature. This is how we would get our son into that drowsy but not asleep state that everyone talks so much about. It also does wonders for soothing a very angry newborn into submission.

How we approached night feedings

I have a Fitbit Versa, and that little sucker came in super handy during the newborn stage. I’d set alarms on my watch for the appropriate feeding times. My watch would vibrate to wake me which was great because it didn’t disturb the baby who was sleeping in a bassinet by our bed. I’d un-swaddle him and pull him into the bed with me to feed him (careful not to fall back to sleep myself). Often times, he wouldn’t even really wake up. Once he was finished, I’d quickly change his diaper, re-swaddle him and place him back in the bassinet. We had one of those mechanical bassinets (this one) that had vibration and swinging settings. This was an absolute must-have for us. He’d usually go right back to sleep not problem.

In fact, I found our newborn sleep to be the most predictable. I also got significantly better sleep during the newborn stage than I did in the 3rd trimester. Because I had the Fitbit, I was able to track my sleep and that was critical for me.

Employ The Pause

This is something we started as a newborn but still employ to this day. And I swear to you, it’s one of the most significant reasons we have a great sleeper. First of all, newborns are notoriously loud sleepers. I don’t know why, but hot damn they make a lot of noise. It’s so critical that you give yourself a second to process the noise that woke you before you disturb the baby. From experience, I can tell you, accidentally disturbing a sound-asleep newborn who was just making typical newborn asleep noises is not fun. Getting a baby back to sleep after that is a herculean effort. 0/10 stars, would not recommend.

Even to this day, with our toddler, we pause. We give it about 5 minutes (tops) before making a judgement call. Depending on the situation, 5 minutes might seem like a lifetime or not enough time at all — whatever side of the coin you fall on in any given moment, understand, 5 minutes is enough.

Please, if you take nothing else from this blog post, employ the pause. It’ll save your sanity and your sleep.

Tackling months 4-9; a whole different ballgame

While how we approached sleep in the newborn phase still serves us to this day, I would be remiss if I didn’t address what I like to call the lost months. Primarily because…well, we lost a lot of sleep from month 4-9. The regressions are a real b*tch, to be honest. And of course, I was back to work in the office at this point so that made things extra delightful. One thing I did during this time, which I can’t say I recommend but it did work, was I took to eventually just sleeping in the crib with him at some point in through the night.

I finally got it during this time how co-sleeping becomes such a thing for families. But I didn’t want to fall into the trap of never being able to break the habit once I started it, so that’s why I opted to sleep in his crib. My theory was, I only ever ended up in the crib during particularly rough nights. And once he was over the rough patch, nothing would change on his front. He would go to bed in his own bed. He would wake up in his own bed. I usually only spent a couple hours in the wee hours of the night in the crib with him — and thanks to my Fitbit alarm, I was able to get up and get ready for work without disturbing him. I am sure there are like…a thousand reasons you shouldn’t do this. But listen, months 4-9 are the wild wild west. And you gotta do whatever you can to survive, especially if you’re expected to function as a professional for 8 hours the next day.

You’ve heard this a million times already, I’m sure. But every baby is different. Along with that, every parent is different. What was comfortable for me might not be for you. I am a fairly anxious person who absolutely needs sleep in order to survive the day and this approach saved my sanity in that first year.

We still approach naps and bedtime the same way: employing the proper “wake windows” (which aren’t actually called wake windows past a year old, apparently, but they still sort of apply which is confusing but whatever) and relying on routine. Our son knows the cues for nap time and will often either initiate it himself or fall right into the rhythm if we start the process. Same with bedtime. He knows the cues and his body follows suit.

I hope this blog post has helped you in some way as you navigate into the world of baby sleep! Happy to offer support or just solidarity if you need it! If you have a method you’ve used that you swear by, share it in the comments below so we can continue to support other mamas in this season of life!

I am, as they say, le’tired. (Do they say that? I don’t know.)

For context, the tot is pretty much exactly 2.5 years old. He’s a wild child who almost never stops moving. I had my doubts about this process, but like I mentioned earlier — it went far better than expected. I’ll break down how I prepared for this blessed day and what I found to actually work.

How to prepare to potty train a toddler

Wine. Lots of wine. No, wait. Sorry. Wrong notes. I won’t lie. The whole concept of potty training has freaked me out my entire parenting journey thus far. And up until today, it’s always been a future Joey’s problem. Well, future Joey wants to smack past Joey upside the head for stressing out about it so much. Because just like with most things in my life, I can do anything for X amount of time. And so can you. And I can also pretty much guarantee you that YOUR attitude and “vibe” will set the tone (and the success rate) of the experience for your kiddo.

What I bought for potty training

• This potty chair
• This toilet seat insert; will eventually install one of these and leave the insert at my mom’s house
• This step stool
• A bundle of Pete the cat books (they’re his favorite and I figured a handful of new books couldn’t hurt)
• A pack of paper towels
• A bag of skittles (proud to say these remained unused — but I had them just in case)
• Oh crap! Potty Training! By Jamie Glowacki (I didn’t technically buy it — the audiobook is included in the premium subscription of Spotify)

What method to use for potty training | Day 1 experience

I believe potty training is much like skinning a cat (is this something people do often? Because I swear people talk about skinning cats far more than anyone actually skins a cat…but I digress). There’s more than one way to do it. And all roads lead to the same destination — you just have to ask yourself which route you’re most comfortable with. My mom, she’s a scenic route less-cars-on-the-road kind of lady. I, on the other hand, want to take the express way. We both end up in the same place eventually.

I took Jamie’s advice to heart. That being said, that’s really the only advice I consumed. I tend to get overwhelmed easily and fall into analysis paralysis. And when it comes to something like potty training — something that has to be done — I figured it would be best for me to just pick a lane and stick with it. So I opted for the Oh crap! Potty training method.

There are plenty of gimmicks out there — most of which claim to have your child potty trained in 3 days, some even less. What I appreciated about Jamie’s advice is that she doesn’t track the process by days. She tracks it by blocks. And those blocks might align with days. They might not. Every child is different. Where this process tends to go off the rails is when the parent(s) put a little too much pressure on the situation. C’mon little Johnny!! It’s day 2! You should be doing this on your own by now!

Little Johnny isn’t going to perform under that kind of pressure. Could you?

You’re taking your child from: clueless to “I’m peeing” to “I peed” to “I have to pee.” And it takes as long as it takes to from one phase to the next.

Here’s what I did for potty training day 1

That boy was naked. All. day. long. He did occasionally ask to put a shirt on, which I allowed, but it inevitably got soaked either playing at the water table outside or with this sink inside and it would come off. We went through 3 shirts today.

The potty chair was nearby at all times. I explained to him what it was and that big kids put their pee pee and poop in the potty. He’s been following me into the bathroom since the dawn of time, so I referenced that, too, in my explanation. I asked a few times “where does your pee pee go?” and he would point to the potty and say “right there.”

The first urination. The first time he started to pee, he did what he’s been doing since he was born: he just started peeing. I quickly interrupted him and said “Oop!  Pee pee goes in the potty!” at which point he quickly stopped his stream of pee and ran over to the potty and finished his business.

I resisted the urge to offer a reward. My kid does well with bribery. I use it for far more than I should, but mama’s gotta keep her sanity around here. I have skittles on hand just in case, but I decided not to pull them out unless things got desperate. It turns out he enjoys feeling proud of himself and that was incentive alone. That, and the fact that he got to pour his pee pee into the big potty and flush it. He thought that was pretty cool.

I set 30 minute reminders on my watch. I have a tendency to hover and overdo it with things. My husband might use the word nag. It was my intention to prompt him to sit on the potty every thirty minutes. In reality, I didn’t really have to do this. After that first pee, he had one little dribble incident where he stopped himself and ran to the potty to empty his bladder. From there, I think he became obsessed. He would run over to the potty every so often on his own. I wasn’t sure if I could trust this or not, so I did still intend to prompt him at the 30 minute mark, but more often than not he’d already do it himself. He did pee during one of my prompts, though, so that was reassuring.

I still used a diaper at nap (and bedtime). I’ll be honest, work and life are just a little too crazy right now for me to give up any more sleep than I already do. (If you don’t know, I wake up and start working crazy early in order to get most of my work done for the day before the kiddo wakes up. It’s a season of life. It won’t last forever. But I’m tired.)

Day one final verdict

I would say he’s graduated to phase two. By the end of the day he was going onto the little potty by himself to pee. Poop, on the other hand, scared the actual sh!t out of him. I expected that (thanks to Jamie’s extremely long and super informative chapter all about poop), so I didn’t let that derail the day.

Tomorrow, we enter block 2: he’ll get his pants back (or shorts, because let’s be honest it’s already 90 degrees in NC), but he’ll be going commando. Here’s hoping day 2 goes as well as day 1!

If you’re embarking on this journey, take a deep breath, mama (and maybe grab an extra bottle of wine or two to have on hand). You can do this. And so can your kiddo!

Until next time! XOXO

I have a 2.5 year old son. I also work full-time while keeping him home with me. I’m not going to lie, it’s…hard.

Like, really freaking hard.

We also decided to eliminate screens at the start of 2024. So for the last 4 months, I’ve been a full-time work from home stay at home mom to a toddler without the help of my trusty co-parent: Ms. Rachel.

SOS.

Like with anything, some days are better than others. But you can bet your bottom dollar that those tough days have inspired me to do just about all the research there is to do on how to keep this wild creature living in my house entertained (and off my keyboard).

Let my trial and error give you a leg up. These are tried and true favorites in this house (and they help me keep my sanity…and my job). These are the “big guns” I pull out when I really need to focus on what I’m doing. (You know, to like, write another book or figure out the merchant account services for my business. 🤪)

Toddler toys that actually keep them busy

This toolbox

We got this toolbox as a gift from his cousin who is about 6 months older than him for his second birthday. When I texted a few days after his party with my profuse gratitude (and praise for the life-saving toy), they replied that it was a well-loved toy in their house, too, so she knew it would be put to good use. I’ve since learned that they’ve gifted this same toolbox multiple times over, and I can see why.

This magnetic sorting game

This made its way under the tree for Christmas, and it was one of the first things that captivated his attention that day. That’s saying a lot because I mean…it was Christmas. But he really enjoys not just using it properly, but he also likes “resetting” the beads by pulling them from the cones & putting them back into the pull area.

Reusable sticker books (we like this one, this one and this one)

I mentioned this in a recent blog post where I shared how we eliminated screens for our toddler. These come in handy in so many different situations. I love them for when I’m on a meeting at home, but we’ve also brought them with us to restaurants and to relative’s houses that are…we’ll just say…not kid friendly.

This Leap Frog learning book

We live in a seriously remote area. Everywhere and anywhere we need to travel takes no less than 25 minutes. The kiddo has always done well in the car (thank God), but this book is his favorite thing to play with in the car. He’s also learned so much from it. He was borderline speech delayed, which is what prompted the purchase of the book in the first place. I now hear him repeating words and sounds from the backseat which is just a total bonus.

This sink

My water obsessed child would play all day in the dog’s water dish if I let him. So take this recommendation with a grain of salt — but this is functional sink came with so many things that getting bored is just not an option. I will say, prepare your space with towels if your child is as messy as mine — but I would buy this sink five times over if I could. He couldn’t believe the faucet worked the first time he turned it on.

This Playskool Weebles Smart House

Ok, this is a cheat because we don’t actually own it. But a friend does — and it’s on our wish list because any time we see these friends, the kiddo totally ignores all living creatures (which is saying a lot because he is dog and cat obsessed and they have both) for the entire duration of our visit.

He asks about this toy at least once a day.

This water table

I mean, this is probably a super obvious one if you’re a toddler parent. But if you’re a toddler parent that is like me, you might be resisting. The idea of a water table did not seem appealing to me for a few reasons — but honestly, all of those reasons went right out the window once I actually set it up.

Now, I couldn’t imagine getting through our day without it. I have had to learn to embrace mess and the fact that the toddler will likely have to change clothes a few times a day. But truthfully, I much prefer that to battling him all day long.

This train table 

My mom bought this for the kiddo. Initially, she offered for us to take it to our house — but our home is small, and we try to visit my mom’s house a few times a week. We decided to keep it at her house, and it was absolutely the right move! Going to visit Grandma’s is even more exciting! He starts talking about his trains the second we pass a certain point in our journey. He knows exactly where we’re going and what he’s going to get to do.

The train table has also proven to be a big hit with his (much much older) cousins. When everyone was visiting for the holidays, I even spotted the cousins who are in their 20s playing with it.

Play kitchen (ours is discontinued, but this one is similar)

I feel like this one doesn’t require a lot of explanation because most everybody has a play kitchen of some sort. But as I mentioned before, our house is very small. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about giving up real estate to a play kitchen. If you’re also on the fence, do it. I promise, with the right accessories (we like this food cutting set and this pretend kitchen play set), it’ll keep the kiddo busy for quite a while. Bonus: as a sensation seeking kiddo (if you don’t know what that is, here’s an explanation), he likes to squeeze himself into the oven. I feel like any time I tell this story I have to over emphasize that it’s his play kitchen oven because I worry a bystander will overhear and think I allow my child to hang out in our oven. I do not.

This golf set

My sister-in-law (I’d say my brother, but we all know it was my SIL who sent the gift) gave this to the little sometime after he first started walking. He didn’t quite grasp the concept of the game, but he knew he liked the clubs and balls. Well, now he actually uses it as a golf set in the backyard and he can busy himself for hours setting it up and putting around. Bonus: he also uses the golf caddy bag as transport for many other things — and a lot of times even that will keep him busy — filling it with pinecones or rocks and relocating them around the yard.

Okay, that’s it for me for today! If you have a tried and true favorite toddler toy that isn’t shared here, drop it in the comments below! I know I and the other moms would appreciate any and all recommendations!

Until next time, friend! XOXO

Until we did.

Eliminating screen time for our toddler | Why we did it

We only have one child, and as an anxious first-time mom, I kept our routine pretty limited. He went to daycare for the first year of his life and I pulled him when I started working from home in the fall of 2022. We didn’t go to many restaurants or story times or really any kind of organized, structured play events. Again, anxious first time introverted mom. We spent a lot of time with other adults in controlled environments.

And then he went to preschool in the fall of 2023. Some things were brought to our attention, but things didn’t really click until early this year. As a first time mom who wasn’t spending much time around other toddlers, I just excused certain things away as normal crazy toddler behavior. Which let me make something clear — it is. All of it is.

But our kiddo was having a seriously difficult time with sitting still, attention span (which, again, he’s a toddler — what are we really expecting here?) and other disruptive behaviors.

It wasn’t until someone mentioned that certain behaviors seem to be triggered by stimulation did things click into place for me. Once that was said, we immediately made the call. No. More. Screens.

Initially, it was going to be a short-term detox to determine if it was really having any significant impact on our son and his behavior. And then it turned into something so much more.

Initially, I hesitated to eliminate screens for our 2 year old

I’m a full-time work from home stay at home mom to a crazy toddler. Screens, as much as it sucks to admit this, were completely necessary for survival. Or so I thought.

I couldn’t imagine a world where I could actually get my work done and not have a toddler climbing all over me.

I thought it would be too hard. I’m embarrassed to admit that because as a parent I realize I should be willing to do whatever is necessary to help our kid thrive. But I also needed to be present for work and just didn’t know how I would ever make it work.

That’s why I never even considered going screen-free until the pieces clicked into place that the trouble he was having at child care could be linked to the screens. The problem now, though, was I went from having some help during the work week to none…

AND I was going to be eliminating screens? Jesus, take the wheel.

Things we did to make eliminating screen time for our toddler easier

Pinterest and TikTok became my best friend. The good thing is, if there’s one thing I’m really great at it’s obsessively researching something I’m anxious about. And I found a plethora of information. Here’s what we did.

Toy Rotation

Like the TV always being on, the kiddo had access to every single toy he owns all the time. Our house is small and my organizational skills still need some work, so random pieces to random toys would be tossed quickly into any bin nearby as I would race through the house like a tornado to get it puppy-proofed before leaving the house. This meant two things: 1. The clutter was overwhelming, and not just for the tot. 2. Jdubs wasn’t ever really playing with any of the toys properly because he would flit around from one thing to another and nothing was ever put back in the proper place.

I didn’t think I had toy organization and rotation in me, if I’m being completely honest. I’m just not that kind of mom. But when it’s something that’s going to help my kid? Well wouldn’t you know… as a mom you’ll do just about anything. Even organizing all of their toys to the nth degree.

I started by pulling everything out, grouping them by “like kind.” From there, I collected random bins from around the house and decided okay, music toys will go in this bin, vehicles in this one — so on and so forth.

The next big task was…cleaning out his closet. This had become a bit of a dumping ground over the years, so it was kind of a nightmare project. But one determined afternoon, I managed to get the job done. Closet cleared completely, it was time to get to labeling and storing.

I took the organized labeled bins and made sure to place them in his closet in a way that would be easy for me to access. I know myself well enough to know that if I make something difficult for myself, I’m not going to keep up with the system and it’ll all be a waste. This would serve as my “shopping center” for toy rotation.

From there, I decided on a bit of a system. In rotation, he’d always have:

• One larger vehicle he could play make believe with (we have a few buses, fire trucks, this dump truck, you get the idea). A big hit in this house is this vehicle hauler truck and the mini vehicles that come with it.
• One “complete” toy — this usually involves this toolbox (it has a working drill!!!! It’s a big hit in this house), this toy sorter, this color sorting activity or Mr. Potato Head
• Some type of mess-free craft activity like an aqua-art book, an aqua-doodle mat or a reusable sticker book (we like this one, this one and this one)
• A handful of various smaller cars (no more than 5) — never under estimate a child’s ability to find a way to entertain themselves with vehicles.
• One type of “building” toy like these blocks, magnatiles or legos

We have a collection of random toys that don’t fit into any of these categories, like this robot, this penguin and turtle that interact with one another, a barn with accessories, musical instruments, this garage, etc. I typically include one of these toys in the rotation as well.

I *try* to rotate his toys every 2 weeks or so. I’ve gone as long as a month before. I thought I’d do it more frequently, but I was actually very surprised how interested he remained in the toys that he had out. There were two very unexpected benefits to introducing toy rotation: 1) He plays with the toys as they are meant to be played with and 2) Clean up is a breeeeeeze — for me and for him. Often times, I just have to tell him it’s time to clean up and he’s able to put everything away in its proper place without any guidance. HECK YEAH!

Sensory Bins & other tricks

Ok, real talk? The idea of a sensory bin and sensory play in general sounded kind of nightmarish to this mess-adverse control fanatic. (I know this makes me sound awful, but it’s the truth about how I felt.) But I knew, without screens, I would need a few tricks up my sleeves to buy a few pockets of time, especially during the times I had meetings.

The best news is: you can DIY pretty much any type of sensory bin, which I did for all of them except the kinetic sand bin to keep them extremely affordable.

There’s other really good news, too. They actually work. The kiddo is obsessed with them. The mess is usually pretty easy to clean up. (I also learned I’d rather clean up a mess happily with a satisfied toddler than battle him over nonsense.)

These are kept away. I’ll be honest and tell you that at this point he knows they all exist, and he does ask for them occasionally. But usually, I’ll suggest that we do one, especially if we’re in the midst of a particularly difficult toddler moment or when I need to buy some focused work time. I will be honest here — toddlers do best when you’re engaging with them. I will usually start the activity with him, setting him up at the kitchen table or at his little table next to the kitchen table. I will then transition to working (at the kitchen table). But please know, they will likely request your participation or assistance. I’m lucky that my job understands that I come with a tiny side kick — and I’m sure not all toddlers are the same — but I just wanted to put this out there in case there are any other WFH SAHMs in here who are desperately seeking some distraction-free work time.

Regardless, sensory bins are an excellent way to fill time. And they’ve been a huge hit in this house. These are the ones we use:

• Kinetic Sand Sensory Bin
• I made a water sensory bin using these cups and these bath toys
• I made a bean sensory bin using lima beans and various cups/containers I had around the house. Two that are the biggest hit are an empty 20 oz soda bottle and an empty Coffeemate creamer container
• Play doh kits, we like this one and this one (which is a great and affordable starter kit)

I will also occasionally either DIY a fun activity for him to wake up to (I once created an entire road in our front room using painters tape — he LOVED that and it kept him busy for dayyyysssss) or if someone gifts us a new toy, I’ll tuck it away to bring out at a special time to fill some time.

Optimize our outdoor space

We’re lucky that we have a huge, fenced-in backyard. It’s actually the thing that sold us this house. We also have a covered portion to the front of our house. So, we decided to put those spaces to good use.

We made a DIY sandbox for the front of our house (covered) using an old kiddie pool that one of our neighbors kindly gave us and bags of sand from the local hardware store. We added dollar store dinosaurs and construction trucks along with various other sand toys that we had laying around. (We live at a lake, so those we have in plenty.)

In the backyard, we have a swing, a water table, bubble machine, sports equipment and a racetrack (similar to this one). I’m dying to add one of these rollercoasters.

I have a kid who would spend his entire life outside if we’d let him. Keep in mind, when we initially eliminated screens, it was the dead of winter. He didn’t care. He still wanted to be outside. So we bundled up and headed out.

Take advantage of local free activities

We approached our days differently. I started looking at them in blocks of time, and that’s where local free activities helped tremendously. Libraries and other local agencies tend to put on fun, free kid-centered events throughout the month. We also started taking advantage of library story times (we have two libraries close to us – and we started attending both – one on Mondays and one on Thursdays — that’s a super easy way to add an activity to those days).

We also enrolled in a local program that offers a free pre-school type class. Parents are required to attend, so this isn’t a childcare situation — but it is a great way to dip our toes back into a classroom setting, help our son learn the structure of a classroom, engage with other kiddos and fill some time.

We do lots of walks in different gardens, trails and parks in the area.

Playgrounds. Lots and lots of playgrounds. I would recommend you take a chunk of time and research all the ones in your area, plan to visit them all, then make a rotation of your favorites. I’ve learned I prefer fenced-in playgrounds, smaller, less crowded places and playgrounds geared more towards toddlers or accessibility (which mean the equipment is closer to the ground).

Lean on music. A lot.

Begging to watch Cars? Okay! Let’s listen to the soundtrack. Begging for Blippi? Okay, let’s listen to the soundtrack. Asking for Bluey? Okay! Let’s listen to the soundtrack. Having an Alexa in a main part of the house was critical for us in eliminating screens. It eventually switched from him asking to watch a show to asking for the music instead. This also made for a lot of fun dance parties and deeeeefinitely helped with his language.

Benefits of eliminating screen time for a toddler | changes we experienced

So this is the part you’re really interested in, I know. Because it’s the part I was interested in when I was first toying with the idea. Because going screen-free seems like a lot of work, and I wanted to know if it was worth it.

If you’re looking for the simple answer to the question: yes. What initially started as a simple, short-term detox has now remained 10 weeks later.

It is a lot of work at first. But the change in his behavior made me realize something: it’s either a lot of work to set us up for a successful day with a (mostly — he’s still a toddler after all) pleasant toddler OR it’s a lot of work to battle the tiny human all. day. long. That was the most radical shift in how we experienced our days once screens were eliminated.

Changes we saw in our toddler when we eliminated screens:

*Major disclaimer: he is still a toddler little boy. He’s not perfect and no toddler is going to be — please continue to give yourself and your child grace.

• He pays attention. He went from a kid who couldn’t sit still ever to being able to slow down and purposefully engage with a particular setting. This was especially apparent in the class we go to each week. Before eliminating screens, getting him to and keeping him in circle time was nearly impossible. Now, he goes at the first cue. He may still wander off occasionally, but our biggest issue now is keeping him in his seat because he wants to get closer to whatever the teacher is presenting because he’s that locked in. Major shift. 
• Everything slowed down. He takes more time with things now, especially when it comes to figuring something out. He’ll give it a lot more tries before getting frustrated and giving up. Our activities are slower paced in general, too, and he’s learned to lock in and be engaged with the activity. The biggest change I saw here is his ability to lock in on a book. Whether we’re reading it to him or he picks it up to flip through himself, he’ll spend time with it now. Before, it was nearly impossible to get him to pay attention to a book, one way or the other. Another epic shift is his ability to sit in a cart at a store. This was impossible and embarrassing before we eliminated screens. I’d see other kids sitting pleasantly in a store while mine was flailing and screaming. Now, going to the store is one of our favorite ways to eat up an afternoon. I even purposefully have one of our grocery trips be an inside-the-store trip now instead of fully relying on pickup orders.
• Less tantrums. I’m not sure if this is a direct result of lack of screens or the fact that we spend more intentional time together throughout the day (which fills his little toddler heart), but his mood in general is better. Transitions are easier. Leaving the playground in the past used to be an epic battle. Now it’s “Okay, it’s time to go. Bye bye playground” and he’ll repeat “bye bye playground” while waving and coming with me to the car. There are even times where all I have to do is say “Okay, it’s time to go,” and he’ll wave and say goodbye to the playground on his own.
• Language exploded. He was borderline speech delayed. We had him evaluated twice and both times there were particular concerns with his speech development. Eliminating screens eradicated that issue. I was absolutely shocked. The results were almost immediate. And honestly, I think this 100% boils down to the fact that without the television on, we are having more intentional conversation throughout the day. He picked up works and started stringing sentences together within just a few days of the televisions being turned off. This was one of our most monumental shifts.

Final verdict: Where are we now & was eliminating screens for our toddler worth it?

When we started this journey, like I mentioned, it was supposed to be a short-term thing to help us diagnose issues. The initial set up was a lot of work, I’m not going to lie. But that was the hardest part. Once we had things organized and a bit of a system in place, going screen-free was a lot easier than I expected.

It was so easy, in fact, that when the two weeks were up, we just sort of…kept it going.

We eventually discussed if, when and where we want to reintroduce screens. And we have sort of. We now use screens as a very limited but powerful tool in certain circumstances. For instance, I came down with the flu a few weeks ago and my husband couldn’t be home from work the whole time — screens came in handy in that time. I will also note, however, that we do see a shift in his behavior when we go a little too heavy on them. The week I was sick, the tv was on a lot (relative in comparison to the tv always being on like it was before — but certainly a lot more than not at all). We paid the consequence for that in the days afterward.

But a half hour show while I’m trying to get dinner made without a toddler standing between me and the counter, pushing me backwards? POWERFUL TOOL. I have also noticed that because screens are now a treat, they capture his attention much more purposefully. He’ll sit with a snack and watch an entire program (we like Little Einsteins & Bluey) without getting distracted.

Most days, we’re still entirely screen-free. I find that all of us reach for something else for entertainment instead of our first instinct being to grab the remote or demanding a show.

And now that the weather is improving, he mostly asks to be outside, which is fine with me.

Was eliminating screens for our toddler worth it? Absolutely. 1000%. The changes we have seen have completely overhauled how we experience our days and he learns so much. Plus, we get to share far more meaningful little moments throughout the day.

I do still think that screens, when used correctly, have their place and are also a very powerful learning tool. But the days of the television always being on are a thing of the past.

If you’re considering the change, know this: Yes, it’s a lot of work. But I promise you can do it and it will be worth it. The first few days may be hard, but the change does come. If you need moral support in while in the trenches, I’m here for you!

Let me know below if you’re screen-free, if you’re planning to go screen-free or what your main hesitation for going screen-free is. I’d love to discuss all of this in the comments below!

I returned to the job I loved only to find it wasn’t the same. I don’t know what exactly changed — me or the job or some combination of both, but it didn’t feel like it once did. But my family was there, the people I’d grown to love and rely on. I could do anything for them, and I would. So I did.

I got up every day, tiny pieces of my heart, broken and sharp, stabbing every which way. It’ll get better, I’d tell myself. It’ll get easier. But it didn’t. I was different. The job was different. And nothing felt right.

And yet, I stayed. Countless breakdowns. I must have cried myself through seven tubes of mascara this year. I can do it all I told myself. And I would. So I did. I didn’t know anything was wrong until the people that loved me whispered softly, gently. Something seems off.

It was me. I was off. Broken. Shattered. Everything felt heavy, even the happy things. I didn’t have intrusive thoughts. And I didn’t want to harm my baby, so it didn’t register. I’d slipped through the cracks. The questionnaires at the pediatrician missed it. But those who love me? They didn’t. They caught me. They held me up. They stood in my corner while I got help.

My battle with postpartum anxiety made 2022 really hard. My job made it even harder. Those two things together just about took me out entirely. Not physically, I never wanted to hurt myself. But mentally. I was checking out. It was all too much, and I found myself struggling to muster the energy to enjoy the enjoyable things because I was spending all my energy on just trying to survive.

And then something snapped. And everything started to fall into place. But it had to break first. Remember that. It has to break first. 

One strange thing after another, I found myself with a dream job offer working with and for a dream company. It came out of nowhere, completely out of the blue. Designed perfectly for me. A soft place to land. I see you, God.

So I left. After working a month’s notice, I locked the door to an office I once loved and walked out. It wasn’t the same. I wasn’t the same. It was time.

But something still didn’t feel right. I was tired of crashing into brick walls. We had a routine, one that worked. I didn’t want to disrupt my son’s day-to-day when I left my job for the remote position. But then I had to observe his classroom a couple of times for biting. And it was during those observations that a sobering realization came to me. He shouldn’t be here.

It’s been almost exactly a year since I wrote the post about how it’s not enough. I wish I could wrap that broken, exhausted, terrified new mom into my arms now. I’d squeeze her tight and whisper this will be the hardest year of your life. But it will get better.

One year later, I am a full-time WFH SAHM. It will be hard. It will be worth it.

Breathe.

My pregnancy was pretty uneventful. I’m lucky, I know. Besides getting Covid in my 9th month, I didn’t have to experience a whole lot of fear. I had daily conversations with my unborn son during those 15 days of quarantine. We were way, way too close to my due date for comfort. I was terrified I’d go into labor and have to do it all alone. Stay put, little man. Stay put. He did.

I was one week and a day overdue when I went into labor. Set for an induction later that night, I was delighted with his timing. He’s our first. He will be our only. I really wanted to experience what it felt like to go into labor. Thank you, little one.

I have another post in my drafts where I share the details of my labor. But for some reason, this story has been sitting heavy on my heart lately. So it wins.

I’m going to share this one detail because I think it’s a key benchmark. My mom, who had been hanging out with us for a little while, left my hospital room at 10 PM. When she left, a regular delivery was still the plan.

Our son was born via emergency c-section at 10:35 PM.

I wish I could tell you what changed. To this day, I still can’t quite work out the details because I truly felt like I was given a choice. To continue laboring or to go ahead with the c-section.

I really felt like I made the choice.
It’s clear to me now, I did not.
That baby needed out.
And he needed out fast.

I’ve had many surgeries in my life. An OR is fairly familiar territory. I wasn’t afraid. Just ready. Excited. We were only moments away from meeting our son.

That feeling quickly evaporated. As they rapidly prepped me for surgery, I felt sick. I’m going to be throw up I cried to anyone who would listen. And then I did. Violently. Repeatedly. Painfully.

Somehow, they got it under control and my husband joined me, taking his seat next to me.

I was told I wouldn’t feel any pain, but I would feel tugging and pulling. So I waited. And waited. And waited.

Suddenly, the tiniest tiniest little sound.

Wait, was that a baby? I looked all around me. Was that a baby!? Have they started? I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Eventually, a my husband confirmed yes, a baby.

If that’s a baby, why isn’t he crying?

Silence.

Why isn’t he crying? I weeped.

More silence.

WHY ISN’T HE CRYING? I sobbed.

…

Panic gripped my throat. I never once considered this. Not once. Everything was fine. Perfectly normal. Textbook. And then it wasn’t.

The silence hung in the air for what felt like forever.

JESUS, MAKE MY BABY CRY!

The words weren’t fully out of my mouth when his cries filled the room. And I weeped openly. After just a few moments, the nurse came to ask if dad could go be with baby while they got him cleaned up. Go, I insisted.

Jonathan was maybe three paces from my bedside when I heard the doctor start shouting. Push this. Push that. She’s bleeding out.

I felt the first shot. Then the second. I’m going to be sick I whimpered.

You have nothing left the nurse assured.

She was right, but the dry heaves were more painful than the sick. Can’t you make it stop I cried. They couldn’t. The room faded to black. And then back. And then black. And then back.

Can you hear me, baby girl? I nodded, or at least I think I did. When you’re ready, turn your head to the left.

I can’t. I’m afraid I’m not done getting sick. I waited. Then turned.

You have to open your eyes. I did, and there he was. My husband, the man I’ve loved for almost 20 years, holding our son. A perfect little life.

I’ll be honest, I don’t remember much of what came next. And the pieces I do remember make my insides hurt, so I’ll keep those tucked away for now.

But this I share because 6 months ago, I was bleeding out on a table while nurses worked to resuscitate my son. My son who was born APGAR 0. Who remained APGAR 0 for a painfully long time. A curveball I never, ever saw coming. And Jesus rescued us. He made my baby cry. Miracle.

I don’t tell you this story to scare you. I share it because when God shows up so obviously, it deserves attention.

We are both okay. Our little one spent 4 long days in the NICU, far fewer than they initially told us. And he got to come home with us when I was discharged on day 5, something they assured me would not happen. Miracle.

It hits me every now and again, though. More often than I’d care to admit. Our lives took shape when JWH entered our world. Our days, lives and hearts are so much more full. We can’t imagine not ever knowing him. And my heart clenches whenever I realize just how close we came to that reality. A life without him.

Thankful.

So. Very. Thankful.

EDITED TO ADD | 3.25.2025

After three and a half years, I felt it was finally time to share the details of all that took place during my son’s birth. You can find the full story here: