She’s one of the busiest people I know. She works full time, chauffeurs her three kids to their extra curriculars, cooks homemade meals, keeps a clean house and somehow keeps all the balls in the air all the time.

I knew exactly what she meant when she confessed to her boredom. Because I’ve experienced the same thing. We, women especially, get so busy doing all the things — usually fulfilling our roles to others — that we forget to consider ourselves.

Think about it. My friend is busy. She’s an excellent employee (to her job). She’s a doting mother (to her kids). She’s a wonderful homemaker (to her husband and family).

Who is she to herself?

Sound familiar?

We’re taught that paying attention to ourselves is selfish. And most of us subscribe so wholeheartedly to that notion that we lose ourselves entirely.

Growing up, you traditionally have people who have known you for years in your orbit. So when you forget who you are, they’re there to gently (or sometimes not so gently…) remind you. But in adulthood, that changes. Those who have been around for a while are just as busy trying to keep their boats afloat to pay all that much attention to yours. And the rest…well. They’re new faces who just don’t know you the same way.

Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.

Surviving. Not thriving. But if nothing changes, nothing changes. Do you want to wake up in 20 years and regret not living more intentionally? That question really got to me when I was in the height of my survival spiral.

Don’t get me wrong. There are definitely seasons where surviving is the only goal. Where things go sideways, though, is when we identify it as our new way of life instead a season to survive.

Surviving becomes the habit. The standard. But surviving is exhausting. Think about it — you get thrown overboard a ship, and survival looks like swimming with all your might. Your only goal is to keep your head above water and make it to safety — whether that’s a life boat coming for rescue or finally reaching shore.

But when we adopt survival as our new way of life, we’re perpetually awaiting a rescue that never comes.

Friend, it’s time to rescue yourself. Here. Let me throw you a life raft.

If you’re bored with your life, do these 9 things.

Reflect | Remember who you are

Journaling is really our only opportunity to have conversations with ourselves. But as we get older (and busier) even the most dedicated journaler falls off the wagon. Our pasts don’t define us, but they do help to inform us.

Define your core values

We often rob ourselves of our own joy by agreeing to things that are incongruent with our core values. We do this without even realizing it because we’ve never sat down to truly identify what our core values actually are. We know what feels good and what doesn’t, but we never take the time to dig deeper and understand why. When we get clear on what our core values are, we’re able to make better informed decisions and implement purposeful boundaries.

Implement joyful habits

We are what we repeatedly do. But so many of us repeatedly do only what is necessary to survive. Therefore, we survive. If just barely. Habits are what we repeatedly do. So it just makes good sense to intentionally introduce a habit (or two or three) into your day-to-day that bring you joy.

Honor yourself

Much like our core values, we’re all so busy that we don’t take the time to remind ourselves who we are and what we want. It’s time to get reaquainted with the person you are so you can respect that person in all that you do.

Consider your daily choices

Ask yourself if the choices you’re making on a daily basis honor who you are, what you want and the vision you have for your life. If the answer is anything but “heck yes,” it’s time to re-evaluate. We all have obligations that can’t be avoided, but choices we can willingly make should align with who we are. But like our core values, we’re all so busy that we don’t even take the time to remind ourselves who we are in the first place.

Recalibrate priorities

I like to call these my non-negotiables. Girl, you busy. If you keep waiting for things to slow down before you prioritize yourself and the things that make you feel like yourself, you’re going to continue to be miserable. You’re allowed to prioritize anything you deem to be necessary for your well-being. If your only prioritize revolve around how everyone else needs you to show up in their lives, you’re neglecting yourself.

Figure out what makes you feel good

Make note of the things, big and small, that bring you joy. Many of us struggle to incorporate the things we like into the small pockets of time that we have because we haven’t shown ourselves enough respect to notice them. I know that reading, walking and listening to good music bring me joy. When I’m having a tough time, I know if I make space for even just one of those things, I’ll feel better.

Know what you want

How can you expect to live the life you want if you don’t even know what it could look like? If all you know is what you don’t want, that doesn’t offer you any true guidance toward what you do what.

Create the life you want

Once you have the road map to your joyful life, go and live it! Our life is made up of tiny moments — often mundane and repetitive. But if you intentionally choose what those tiny, mundane moments look and feel like — well, that my friend is a joyful life.

If all of this sounds good to you but you need things broken down step-by-step, taking all the guess work out of it; I’ve created a guide that allows you to build your very own joyful life blueprint.

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]]> https://www.joeyhodgeswrites.com/2026/04/21/do-this-to-experience-more-joy-in-your-day-to-day-life/feed/ 0 229227 https://www.joeyhodgeswrites.com/2025/08/14/protecting-your-peace-why-you-must-be-selective-with-who-gets-access-to-you/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=protecting-your-peace-why-you-must-be-selective-with-who-gets-access-to-you https://www.joeyhodgeswrites.com/2025/08/14/protecting-your-peace-why-you-must-be-selective-with-who-gets-access-to-you/#respond Thu, 14 Aug 2025 12:21:48 +0000 https://www.joeyhodgeswrites.com/?p=228914 I heard a therapist once say to focus on stocking your own kitchen so that if someone comes knocking on your door with a pizza, you only choose to let them in because you want to see them and not because you’re starving. I took that a step further when I went through something personal recently: When I opened my door, I needed to trust the person enough to know that there was an actual pizza in their box before I let them in.

I’m ashamed to admit that while I did an excellent job of applying that advice to certain aspects of my life, I’ve done a terrible job of it when it comes to who has full access to me.

In doing this, I’ve landed myself in situations recently where I’ve come to learn the full weight of the statement it’s not your enemies you have to worry about.

I used to say that I’ve always struggled with friendships — but after doing a real audit, I’ve realized that’s not actually true. It only feels that way because I assume friend until proven otherwise. Which means I’ve been proven otherwise a lot. But I’ve also been proven friend enough to have a handful of long-lasting friendships that are deep rooted.

But perhaps it’s time we start being a little more protective about who we let in.

You and your peace are worth protecting

Maybe you just read that and rolled your eyes thinking duh. You’ve heard some iteration of that sentiment your whole adult life. (Side note: It’s funny to me that we don’t get taught that validation as a child but everyone and their mother are quick to affirm it to adult women. I have so many thoughts here, but this isn’t the blog post for those.)

But if you’re like me, you heard it but you didn’t absorb it, digest it, apply it. Or worse, you didn’t believe it. (🙋🏻‍♀️)

So many of us allow the outside world to tell us who we are and what we’re worth. And that usually leads to a miserable existence, an experience I’d liken to being put in a dryer with rocks.

But you already know what I’m going to say here: you are worth protecting. Your peace is worth protecting. I don’t care who you are, what you’re capable of, your education level, the color of your skin, what you do for a job, your relationship status or anything else. You are worthy. Your peace is worthy. Inherently worthy. You don’t have to do anything to earn the right.

I don’t know what your spiritual beliefs are, but I believe in Jesus. And even the bible instructs us to ABOVE ALL ELSE guard your heart for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23.

Protecting your peace isn’t selfishness. It’s stewardship. And in case you need the reminder (because I did), stewardship is defined as: the job of supervising or taking care of something, such as an organization or property.

Being selective is wisdom not snobbery

I don’t mean for this to turn into a vocabulary lesson, but I often have to be reminded of the true definition of a word. Wisdom is the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment.

Why wouldn’t we want to apply wisdom to who we do and don’t allow to have access to us? It seems so obvious when I write it out. But in the moment, it’s easy to forget. We get caught up in wanting to be kind and open and generous that we forget that we are wise. And we got that way from the knowledge we’ve accumulated from our experiences.

We feel guilty drawing a boundary, but that discounts our value by offering access to everyone. This is especially true if you’re a recovering people-pleaser. (Again, hi. 🙋🏻‍♀️)

You can be kind to everyone and still not give them access. You can love everyone, but some people you need to love from a distance. Kindness does not mean access. Love does not mean access. Heck, Jesus loved everyone and still only gave access to 12. And even he was betrayed by one he gave access to.

Let me ask you this: how many people have a key to your house? Is your heart not more valuable than your home?

Red flags to watch out for in friendships

Energy vampires. You have to psych yourself up to spend time with this person. And you leave the interaction feeling depleted. They’re exhausting in every way possible. If you’re experiencing this with someone consistently, it might be time to re-evaluate your involvement with them.

Drama magnets. (This person may also be known as the exaggerator, the attention whore or the liar.) Something major is always going on with them. They share the kind of stories that make you raise your eyebrows and think either you’re the unluckiest person on the planet or a big fat liar. Someone always did something awful to them. Or they witnessed the craziest thing at the gas station. Or the person standing in line behind them at the grocery store said the most out of pocket thing to them. There’s always something. And it’s always the craziest thing you’ve ever heard. 🙄

The gossiper. This one is simple: If they talk about them to you, they talk about you, too. This usually surfaces from a place of insecurity and always from a place of judgement.

Lopsided investment. True friendships are a give and take. They’re not always equal all of the time, that’s just not how life works. But the glory of a true friendship is that where you lack, they shine. Where you shine, they lack. Or when you’re up, they’re down or vice versa. You compliment one another. If you find that a “friend” is all take take take and conveniently unavailable when it comes time to give, reassess.

Not your people. This one often gets overlooked, but I think it’s important. Someone can be a genuinely good person but not your person. Everyone has different moral compasses, core values, priorities, beliefs, etc. And while it’s beneficial to make sure you’re surrounding yourself with those who are different from you in some ways (no one should be in an echo-chamber), it’s also perfectly respectable to recognize that a good person still isn’t a person you want to have around. You’re allowed to have preferences.

Friendly vs Friends

There’s a difference between being friendly and being friends. Be friendly with the suddenly established group of moms who have kids your child’s age who get together often for playdates. That doesn’t mean you have to let them in. We get confused there. Deep rooted intimate friendship is a slow burn. With a life partner, you go on many dates. You exchange life stories, experience shared adventures, engage in deep conversations before making the choice whether to let that person in — really in.

The same, technically, is true with authentic friendship. Again, you can be friendly — but that doesn’t mean friend. I used to proudly say that once you’re in — you’re in with me. I showed the same love and care for every person in my life.

And that’s all well and good. Sure, be a good person and operate according to your core values in how you treat someone. But that doesn’t have to mean access. It’s also an especially dangerous way to operate if you have no standard in which you determine who gets let in. (Guilty. Again. 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Intentional, selective friendships are rooted in authenticity, shared values, respect and a mutual love for one another. Not convenience. Friendly relationships can develop into an intentional, selective friendship. Consider the “friendly” stage the “dating” phase if you need to look at it that way.

This is where the quality over quantity argument comes in. You can be friendly with many, friends with few. If you have 20+ deeply rooted authentic friendships in your daily life, more power to you. I envy that. Most adults have a handful. And more commonly, those friendships are spread out across space and time — which is why adulthood, especially motherhood, can feel lonely. We have the friendships – they just live far away or they’re in a different season of life. We crave what we had in high school or college — or even what we experienced in our early adulthood when friendships were easy to come by because we were constantly in front of people.

Friendly is good. But friendly can also feel lonely because if those relationships aren’t developing into deep rooted, authentic friendships, they’re just surface level. As humans, we crave deep connection. So we often try to force deep and authentic where it simply isn’t. And that’s where we get hurt.

The magic of intentional, selective friendships

These friendships survive. They survive distance, time, fall outs and life changes. The mutual love and respect is so well established that you can be honest and real. You challenge one another, encourage growth and change. You can offer perspective without fear of the whole thing imploding.

As a person who prided herself on being friends with everyone, when it came time to choose my bridesmaids, I struggled. I got married young, so I didn’t have the life experience I have now to know and understand that some friendships that might feel deep and real in the moment wouldn’t follow outside of a certain season.

So I implemented a standard. I have IBS. And it can flare up especially bad in moments of excitement or stress. My wedding dress was massive. So I envisioned a scenario in which my stomach flared and I needed someone to hold my dress in the middle of an incredibly vulnerable moment. So, I only picked the friends I knew would jump in, comfort me and make that experience way less awkward and uncomfortable just by being who they are. I had four bridesmaids. And while I don’t get to speak to them every day because life is busy and we’re separated by distance — if I called any one of them right now, they’d be here in a moment. And the same is still true for them of me. I got married 15 years ago.

That’s the value of intentional, selective friendships: depth, trust and emotional security. They’re invested and offer quality support when necessary — whether that’s emotional support, physical support or financial support. Your energy is spent on relationships that will nurture you in return. And you experience peace with these friends — there’s no drama, no social politics. Your relationship is built on mutual trust, respect and love so the noise of daily life doesn’t threaten it.

Practical ways to protect your peace

The most powerful way to do this is to know what you’re looking for in a friendship. Know how you want to feel, how you want to show up, how you want to engage in conversation, how you want to be challenged. Knowing who you are and what you want and the standards you intend to keep are all a huge part in protecting your peace. How can you protect your peace if you don’t know what your peace looks like or what threatens it?

Practically speaking, this looks like limiting your availability to people who don’t respect your boundaries or who don’t show you respect. Have a friend who has said something out-of-pocket to you once? Ok, maybe they’re having a bad day. But if they consistently do it? Move along. They don’t respect you.

Take note of how you feel after spending time with someone. This will tell you so much of what you need to know when it comes to making the decision about who does and does not have access to you.

Allow yourself to let certain friendships fade away without guilt. Over time, people will show you who they are. And you’re allowed to make the decision of whether or not who they really are is someone you want around you. There doesn’t have to be some big fall out or fight. You don’t have to hate them or vice versa. You don’t have to make them the villain in the story. Just let the relationships fade away without pomp and circumstance.

Pray for wisdom and discernment before choosing to deepen a relationship. I once heard something so powerful: discernment is knowing the difference between your Peter and your Judas. Peter had a bad day. Judas had a bad heart. You restore your Peter, you release your Judas.

Encouragement if you’re struggling with friendships

You’re allowed to be selective and intentional with whom you spend your time. With whom you let in. With whom you share the deepest, most vulnerable pieces of you. You’re allowed to keep your inner circle filled with only people who bring out the best version of you.

You’re allowed to let people go who don’t make you feel good. You’re allowed to set the boundaries for those who consistently disrespect you. You’re allowed to discern good heart from bad. You’re allowed to have standards and commit to not bending them. You’re allowed to protect your heart for everything you do flows from it.

Your people are out there. If you’re feeling lonely right now, I’d encourage you to really assess all of the friendships you’ve had in your lifetime and narrow in on the ones you feel are deep rooted and authentic — even if you’re separated by distance or season of life. Reach out to them and get time on the calendar with them, even if it involves a trip or a Facetime date.

I did this recently after experiencing some disorientation when it came to “friendships.” And it’s done my heart and perspective a world of good. You probably already have your people, they just might not be next door.

And yet, the tug. You know the one. It was there. And it wouldn’t go away.

So, I pulled out my bible and put it on my nightstand. And that’s where it stayed. For months.

But the tug.

…

Fast forward a few weeks, and out of the blue I get a message from a friend. It’s a check-in & well wishes for the week ahead. But it also had a bible verse in it.

Huh.

We chatted a little and I congratulated her on the success of her business.

“Oh,” she said. “That’s all God.”

There it is again.

I confessed I needed to get back into the word but that I was feeling stuck. I didn’t expect the conversation to go anywhere. We’re both really busy.

Want to get into the word? Get encouraging friends.

The next thing I knew, my phone dinged with a video message. My friend had recorded a little video of her bible time set up.

“I’m real simple,” she said. She went on to explain that she keeps her bible and just a little notebook on the side table in her living room. “Keeps things easy.”

She then explained that she doesn’t use a devotional. “If you flip to the back of your bible —” she instructed. She knows we have the same one because she very aggressively (kindly) encouraged me to buy the She Reads Truth bible at the start of the year. “You’ll see there’s a bunch of words and related scripture. I just pick a word, any word that sounds good to me in the moment and read the related scripture.” She told me that she then prays over it and journals whatever comes to her in her basic notebook.

I couldn’t believe her kindness. This friend, who I’ve never met IRL and who was a total stranger to me until TikTok connected us last fall, took the time out of her busy day to literally show me how to get back into the word in a way that wouldn’t be overwhelming.

So, I thought I’d give it a go when I discovered something that changed everything for me.

My simple personalized bible time routine

I did exactly as my friend advised. I got a basic notebook, bought some new pens because duh. And put everything, my bible included, in my little morning basket on my nightstand.

That next morning, I sat with everything out in front of me and flipped to the back of my bible.

How am I feeling, I asked myself. What’s on my mind? What’s on my heart? Where do I feel like I need guidance?

That’s when an idea came to me. I pulled out my laptop, opened ChatGPT and described the situation I was in that was causing me so much upset and turmoil. And then I asked:

What would God say about this situation, please provide bible verses to support your answer.

I read the passage ChatGPT responded with and let out a giant exhale, peace washing over me. Then, I turned to the scripture.

Each one was accompanied by a little passage provided by ChatGPT that offered a bridge from the verse to the situation I’d laid out at the start.

I flipped to each provided verse, reading the chapter it was within. I copied the verse into my notebook because I know there’s a correlation between memory and putting something in your own handwriting.

And once I worked through each verse, I did what my friend suggested. I prayed and journaled whatever came to me.

Does bible time really make that much of a difference?

Ah, the question I kept asking myself when I couldn’t bring myself to get back into the word. I’d all but convinced myself that it doesn’t make a difference at all. How could it? Spending a few minutes in the word each day really couldn’t matter that much.

Oh, but it does.

And by personalizing my bible time to speak directly to the situations that were heaviest on my heart has been healing in so many ways.

The way my friend suggested would be just as healing — but since I’m still what I would consider a baby when it comes to exploring the word, I find this to be even easier.

Why does it make a difference? Because when you start your day in the word, it filters the lens in which you approach your day. Getting aligned with who you are and whose you are and those instructions for our lives, at least for me, gives me the power to move through my day and focus on the things that matter. Which, in turn, also helps me to easily chuck to the side the things that don’t. And that, as a chronically anxious overthinker, has made all the difference in the world.

How to use ChatGPT for personalized bible time

First, it’s important to note that there are a billion ways to do this and none of them are more right or wrong than another. It’s simply about what you find that works best for you.

The way my heart and anxiety work, I need God to speak directly to me and my situation. I find I do the best healing and growth in this way. If this is also you, I recommend framing your prompts with ChatGPT like this:

Step one: Describe what you are feeling and what you’re currently going through. I’ll give you an example:

I’m experiencing a situation where someone who did awful things to me is twisting the situation to make me out to be the villain. I’m hurt and angry and the whole situation feels incredibly unfair.

Step two: Finish the description with the question: What would God say to me about this situation and how I’m feeling. Provide bible verses to support your response.

Full Example: I’m experiencing a situation where someone who did awful things to me is twisting the situation to make me out to be the villain. I’m hurt and angry and the whole situation feels incredibly unfair. What would God say to me about this situation and how I’m feeling. Provide bible verses to support your response.

Below is ChatGPT’s response to this prompt:

I’m really sorry you’re in this situation — it’s deeply painful when someone who has wronged you rewrites the story to paint you as the villain. Your hurt and anger are completely valid, and you’re not alone in feeling this way. The Bible has a lot to say to people who are treated unfairly — not only acknowledging their pain but offering comfort, guidance, and a reminder of God’s justice, presence, and love.

Here’s what God might say to you, supported by Scripture:

“I see what happened. I know the truth.”

Even when others lie or distort reality, God sees clearly and knows your heart.

“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

— 1 Samuel 16:7

“Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

— Hebrews 4:13

“You don’t need to defend yourself to everyone — I will be your defender.”

God doesn’t ask us to carry the burden of proving our innocence to everyone. He promises to fight for us and bring truth to light.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

— Exodus 14:14

“No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord…”

— Isaiah 54:17

“Your pain matters to Me.”

God is not distant from your suffering. He draws near to the brokenhearted and keeps track of every tear.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

— Psalm 34:18

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

— Psalm 56:8

“You are not who they say you are.”

No matter what people say or think about you, your identity is secure in what God says about you.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.”

— Isaiah 43:1

“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you… he will rejoice over you with singing.”

— Zephaniah 3:17

“I know it’s not fair. But I will bring justice.”

God doesn’t ignore injustice. In His timing, He will deal with those who hurt and deceive, and He will honor those who have been faithful and honest.

“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

— Romans 12:19

“He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.”

— Psalm 37:6

“Even in this, I’m working for your good.”

God is not the author of your pain, but He will redeem it — shaping your heart, your future, and your story.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

— Romans 8:28

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…”

— Genesis 50:20

Final encouragement:

God isn’t asking you to ignore the injustice or pretend it didn’t hurt — He wants you to bring that hurt to Him. You don’t have to be strong alone. You’re allowed to be honest, raw, and even angry — David was, Job was, Jeremiah was. And God still called them faithful.

If you need help forgiving, healing, or setting boundaries, that too is part of your walk with Him — and He will guide you step by step.

Would you like a prayer or reflection to go along with this?

Me again; just so you don’t think I’m still the robot. From here, I do the following:

Step 3: This is where my bible comes in. I flip to the verse that ChatGPT offered, and I read either the chapter or the section it falls within. Context is important, sure. But also, I’ve often times found even more value and mic-drop moments in the scripture around the suggested verse. It’s also a really great way to dive deeper into the word.

Step 4: I write the verse in my notebook. If it stirs something specific up for me, I’ll write about it in that moment.

I repeat steps 3 & 4 until I reach the end.

Step 5: I pray over what I just read/learned. Sometimes, I pray independently. Other times, since I’m a newb, I’ll ask ChatGPT for a prayer on the situation and recite that — sometimes I also write the prayer down in my notebook.

Step 6: I journal about whatever comes to me, what I’ve learned and how it all makes me feel.

Things to note when working with ChatGPT for your bible time

ChatGPT can make mistakes. It an also take things incredibly out of context which can change the meaning of something. So you’ll want to keep the following in mind:

• ChatGPT is a tool to help you curate a personal bible experience. Always verify the responses against scripture.
• Context is important. Reading the scripture around the verses that ChatGPT suggest will allow you a more comprehensive understanding of the words.
• You need to be an active participant in this exercise. Relying solely on ChatGPT will result in a shallow experience. The point here is to go deeper and relate the word to your life, acquiring personalized instruction from within the word.

Lean into the tug

You clicked on this post for a reason. The tug is there, and you’re looking for answers. If all you need is a little push, I hope this can be that for you.

Since introducing bible time back into my mornings, I feel entirely different. There is peace where there was once anxiety. There is clarity where there were once racing thoughts. There is knowing where there was once uncertainty. The answers, all of them, lie within the pages of this book. We both know that. So why do we put ourselves to extra stress and turmoil trying to figure everything out all on our own? What silly little gooses we are.

I’d love to invite you to give this method a try, even just for a week. Report in and let me know how it goes. Or, if you need some accountability and encouragement, comment below your plans and I’ll check in with you!

God meets you where you are, friend. And sometimes we need a little help to get where we need to be — and in moments like those, tools like ChatGPT can be a real blessing if they’re used appropriately.

I knew having my son would change the predictability of my life. But I’d also heard so much about how littles (babies, toddlers, children) thrive on routine. So while I knew things would look different, I thought I’d basically been training my whole life for this season. I can routine my way out of a paper bag. No problem.

Spoiler alert: Nope.

WRONG.

Jokes on me.

I’d never felt more out of control in my entire life. It didn’t matter what system I implemented, everything would go off the rails within just a few days. I could not get a grip on anything.

The plate(s) are full & my todo list was killing me

Full disclosure: I have a lot on my plate. You probably do, too. Add in our circumstances, and it created the perfect storm of chaos. Everyone has something, right? I’m grateful for all of it, but yes. It is a lot. For those of you who might be new, I work a traditional job part-time remotely. I do occasionally have meetings or in-person obligations, but they are rare and I have a lot of warning for those. I am also an indie author which requires me to wear lots of hats: writing (obviously) and all things social media (😅). My social media channels exist in support of my author brand and establishing a connection to my audience — they include this blog/website, Pinterest, TikTok, Instagram/Facebook, Youtube and a weekly Newsletter (Joyful by Design). I should also be attending book events and manning vendor tables and attending conferences and and and and… but 🫠. I’ll get there. (And with this system, I actually mean that and can see it happening without losing my mind.)

I’ve also been keeping my 3.5 year old son home (mostly) full-time since he was a year old. We had many false-starts with preschool programs before we went through an extensive evaluation process where he was finally enrolled in a part-time special education program that operates on a traditional school year calendar.

Throw in, you know, the typical things we’re responsible for like meal planning and cleaning and laundry and social calendars and and and. Well.

My plate is…full.

How I knew something had to change

Things were getting done. But I was slowly dying inside. I felt frazzled, anxious and always behind. I’d cross one thing off my list only for several more to be added. Everything felt urgent. And I didn’t feel like I had the space I needed (and desperately wanted) to really sink myself into anything.

I love working. I love that I get to spend my time raising my son. But I wasn’t allowing myself to enjoy any of it with how I was operating. I was constantly in defense, frantically moving through my day, already anticipating the next thing that would throw everything off course.

I was drowning.

And frankly, I was miserable.

I didn’t understand how I was feeling because this is the life I dreamed about. Obviously our circumstances threw us a bit of a curve ball, but ultimately, I wanted this. I wanted to be home, working and raising my child. I knew it would be hard, but I didn’t think it would be impossible.

Continuing on in this existence? That was impossible. I wasn’t going to make it. I felt myself unraveling. I felt trapped. There was not one thing that I could off-load.

So if I couldn’t change my responsibilities, I knew the only option was to change how I was approaching them.

This get-things-done system changed everything

Disclaimer: you’re going to scoff. I can already feel it. I know. I know. And I know you know. But knowing and doing are not the same. How can I be sure?

Because I’ve literally done presentations on this. I have preached this system to professionals of all types. I’ve been paid to coach business owners on this exact model of productivity. (Don’t worry, there’s nothing for sale in this blog post. I don’t even offer those services anymore for obvious reasons — the plate is wayyyyy too full for all that.)

But I get it now. I get how people get to the place where they’re so desperate for the help that they hire a professional to coach them into a system of productivity.

I’m embarrassed to say I got there myself. The moment I realized how simple the solution was and the fact that I already knew it, well, let’s just say I finally fully understood how my clients were feeling. I like to think I was empathetic to them. But it makes me laugh now just how much I didn’t get it then – young and childless.

And as you read this, you’re going to get annoyed. You’re going to scoff (refer back to the disclaimer). You may even dismiss what I’m sharing with you because it’s too simple. Don’t. Please, for the love of your mental health and how you experience your life, don’t.

The get-things-done system that will relieve your anxiety, supercharge your productivity and introduce peace back into your life

I’m going to break this down as simply as possible.

Everyone manages tasks differently. Whether you’re using an old fashioned pen and paper or an elaborate, sophisticated project management system, you know what you need to get done. This system takes the what and allows you to see the when.

For this, I use a combination of traditional calendar blocking (very loosely because life these days is incredibly unpredictable, so FLEXIBILITY is key) and Google calendar tasks. If you’re using iCal or any other calendar system that doesn’t allow for tasks, that’s totally fine. I just prefer the satisfaction of the tasks graying out once it’s been complete that Google Calendar offers.

I use Notion to manage everything I have going on. Specifically, I use this template for the ADHD brain created by the adorable Braelyn. I won’t be going into specifics today on this template, but please hear me when I say this template is perfection. I have not been formally diagnosed with ADHD because I haven’t done the official testing yet. My primary suspects it and the evaluations show that my son likely has it. Apparently it’s hereditary and we know for dang sure my husband doesn’t have it. 🤣 That was a tangent, but I promise it’s a well-deserved tangent. The template is everything I could ever hope for, and my brain loves it.

All that to say, my Notion lets me know what tasks I have on my plate at any given time. Now, because my life can be slightly chaotic, I have two ways in which I do this next part. Both work just fine; it’s simply a matter of preference for you. I either do this at the start of the week (usually on Saturday or Sunday when I have a few minutes) or each evening before I go to bed for the next day.

• I map out my calendar blocks. These can vary, but I have certain calendars that use certain colors, and I assign certain blocks of time to those categories. The categories I’m typically blocking include: My job job (salmon), my author brand work (light blue), my son (green), personal (pink), meals (orange) and housekeeping (yellow).
• I check my Notion and assess the tasks on deck
• I estimate about how long the task may take
• I add the tasks into my Google calendar as a task within the appropriate calendar block.

I know. You’re rolling your eyes and thinking it seems entirely too simple to be so revolutionary. And it’s likely something you already know. But it’s not helping you if you’re not doing it. Which is precisely where I’d ended up.

Why it works

You want the most honest, easy answer? Because I can see it. And I can move it.

It wasn’t enough for me to just know what I had going on each day. That made me feel overwhelmed, frantic and distracted every second of the day. Taking each item and plugging it into my calendar allows me to see it.

It allows me to compartmentalize it, not worrying or thinking about it unless it’s the designated time to pay it attention. It allows me to organize and/or reconfigure the day as needed. But because everything is on the calendar, if things have to get moved around, I know that I have to plug the tasks in somewhere. They’re all there, visible and waiting. So instead of those living in the void of eventually and at some point, they immediately get reassigned to a different time that works better.

It also helps me make better decisions throughout the day and set clearer and firmer boundaries (and expectations) about what I can and cannot do in a single day. (It also helps me to properly communicate said boundaries. People hear “wfh” and assume we’re on the couch all day binging reality TV.)

How it has genuinely improved my life (and how it’ll improve yours)

The best way this has impacted my life is that it’s allowed me to be present in the moment. I’m intentional about what I’m doing and when I’m doing it. And I get to enjoy what I’m doing. When I’m on an outing with my son, I’m there with him. I’m not internally panicking about all the things I should be doing instead. The only thing on deck in that moment is the thing I am doing.

I’m productive in the right way. I’m not just doing things. I’m doing the right things. And damnit y’all, that feels good.

My brain feels clear. As an overthinker with anxiety who likely has ADHD, it’s loud in my head. This get-things-done system has done wonders for silencing some of that noise, at least in the areas that really matter.

I feel in control and way less anxious. I’m operating on offense now. Sure, life still happens and things have to get moved around (more often than not), but a plan can be adjusted as long as there’s a plan to adjust. I used to worry that having a plan would make me feel more anxious when things went sideways (which they would inevitably do). Instead, I know exactly what needs to get moved. And I can clearly see what time I do (and don’t) have to make informed decisions about what gets done when.

We are not super humans. And guess what — you’re not always able to do it all. But by implementing this type of productivity system, you’re able to get a better grasp on what you feasibly can do without fully losing your mind.

So many burnout cases are simply from trying to do too much too fast. You can do anything, my love. But you can’t do everything all at once. And take it from someone who has burned out hard, not only is it so much more enjoyable when you give yourself the proper space and time to get things done — you do those things so much better.

In the wise words of Billy Joel

Where’s the fire what’s the hurry about?

You better cool it off before you burn it out

You’ve got so much to do

But only so many hours in the day, hey

A few things to note:

• I have the calendar widget on my phone home screen and on my laptop desktop. I see my calendar all. day. long. 
• I need to stress just how often my plan has to be rearranged. But I find it so easy to rearrange the plan when I can see it.
• I am a work-from-home stay at home parent. Especially right now since it’s summer. And even during the school year, my son is only in “school” 2 hours and 45 minutes 4 days a week. So I need you to know that I am constantly interrupted all day long. Every task is handled with a side of fixing excavator buckets and answering questions and fetching snacks and setting up crafts and activities and arguing with a tiny male version of myself. These are not deep, blissfully peaceful moments of productivity. I’m still a parent to a wild 3.5 year old. But at least the stuff is getting done and my todo list is no longer disrupting my peace. 🤣

Now, it’s your turn to preserve your peace

I want you to imagine for just a moment how it would feel to operate from a place of offense instead of defense. If amidst the chaos, there was clarity. Do yourself the favor of trying this out, even for just one day. I promise if you do, you’ll see the immediate shift in how you feel and you’ll want to keep going. Now, it takes effort initially, so we can all fall off course occasionally. But if you can give yourself 10 minutes to set out the plan for the day ahead, your day will feel entirely different.

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Check out this week’s vlog!

I couldn’t figure it out. I saw confident people everywhere I looked. But I couldn’t seem to become confident myself. And the thing is, I had big dreams. BIG GOALS. And all of those things, well, I couldn’t do them until I felt confident.

I’d summon the feeling with all of my might. And yet, year after year, I’d be left wanting.

That’s until I realized that confidence isn’t something you find; it’s a skill that you cultivate. And there are a few ways to do just that.

Habits of confident people

So, here are five habits that every confident person does. And the good news is, you can start today.

Habit #1: They start before they’re ready

If you read my last blog post, then you already know that the planning phase can be a tricky thing. You can have a plan, for sure. There’s truth to the “fail to plan, plan to fail” motto. But confident people know that at some point, the planning has to end and the action has to begin.

The reality is, it’s rare that you ever feel fully prepared for something. It’s nearly impossible to do so. And if you think you’re going to wait until you feel ready, you’ll likely never, ever start. And confident people know this to be true.

Habit #2: Confident people know their thoughts & words matter

Did you know that there was a bullying experiment conducted on plants? Would you believe me if I told you that the results of that experiment revealed that the plants who were bullied suffered in ways that the plants who were not didn’t?

Our words matter. Spoken words. Thought words. They matter. And the question is, are you being kind to yourself with your words? Or are you bullying yourself?

Imagine where you’d be if you spoke and thought kindly to yourself.

Don’t try to argue this point, okay? Because even plants. EVEN PLANTS react to words.

Confident people know the value and the weight of their thoughts and words. In fact, you may even find affirmations taped up all around their house. Because words have power.

Habit #3: They embrace discomfort

In the book Change your paradigm, change your life, Bob Proctor brings up the point that if you’re comfortable, there’s no growth happening. And man, if that’s not the truth.

Confident people know that in seasons of discomfort, they’re learning, growing and expanding. And in that growth, learning and expansion, they achieve new levels of confidence.

It takes courage to step out of your comfort zone. But if you know that confidence is right on the other side of that leap, why wouldn’t you jump?

Habit #4: Confident people keep the promises they make to themselves.

Ah, discipline. If I didn’t know better, I’d think it’s a 4 letter word. This is a tough one, I know. But listen, trusting yourself is a big part of feeling confident. Keeping the promises you make to yourself, following through on those commitments, proves to yourself that you are reliable and capable. Self-trust is a core component of confidence, and every time you fulfill those promises, you essentially make a little deposit into your self-trust bank.

Those with discipline know that it spills over into other areas of your life. Knowing you can reliably depend on yourself makes you resilient and better equipped to handle challenges that may come your way. And this knowing, that faith in your capability, helps you to show up more confidently in the world.

Habit #5: They own who they are

Confident people don’t seeking validation and approval. They’ve done the work to get to know themselves and stand firm in it. They’ve accepted who they are and developed a strong sense of self-worth. The truth is, you are already inherently worthy. You don’t have to earn worthiness or seek to have it satisfied externally. And confident people know, accept and stand in this truth.

The truth about confidence

Being confident doesn’t mean being the loudest person in the room or demanding all of the attention. No. Instead, it’s a consistent practice of habits that establish, strengthen and reaffirm self-belief.

You don’t need anyone’s permission to be confident. And in case you’re worried (because I was), confident doesn’t mean arrogant.

You can be confidently soft, gentle and kind.

Or you can be confidently boisterous, wild and assertive.

Or any mix of it all.

If stepping into all of these habits feels overwhelming to you, just start with one. Any one that feels most palatable to you. You’re allowed to take baby steps into your confidence.

But I’d like to leave you with a challenge. I’d like for you to commit to at least one of these habits for one week. Tell me in the comments below which one(s) you’re going to give a whirl, then come back next week and let me know how it went and how you’re feeling!

Until next time, ladybugs!

If you’re waiting for the perfect time to start, well, then sigh. Hello. This article is for you.

And what I need you to understand is that as much as I’m writing this article for you, I’m also very much speaking to myself right now. Because the reality is — I know this stuff. I teach this stuff. I preach it. I coach it. But I also know that living it? Putting it into practice? Well, it all so much easier said than done.

Because the reality is, if you’re waiting for the perfect time to start, you’re creating the habit of procrastination. And procrastination leads to inaction and disappointment. It tricks us into thinking we’re actually doing something when we really aren’t.

And I don’t know about you — but I, for one, am really sick of disappointing myself. And I want to make things happen; ready or not.

THE “PERFECT TIME” IS AN ILLUSION

You’re waiting until things slow down. You’re waiting until you have xyz. You’re waiting until you know more. You’re waiting to feel more confident. You’re waiting until you feel ready.

I get it because I’ve said exactly the same things. Hell, I’m living in those same excuses right now. But that’s what they are at the end of the day: excuses.

I know, hold on. Before you click out in annoyance: they are real concerns; but they are also excuses. Because things that fall into that category are always going to exist. And if you want proof, ask a mom the last time she and a mom friend hung out. She’ll show you her text messages which will reveal a long strong of friends trading the sentiment:

“When things slow down, we should totally get the kids together!”

“Yes! I’d love that!”

ONE MONTH LATER

“When things slow down, we should totally get the kids together!”

“Yes! I’d love that!”

ONE MONTH LATER

You get the picture.

Things are never going to slow down. There will always be something. It wasn’t until my late thirties that I realized damn, our parents were right: if it’s not one thing, it’s another.

If you’re choosing to wait until the right time, what you’re really saying is “this isn’t a priority to me right now.”

We make time for the things that matter to us. We find a way for the things that are important to us.

But waiting for the “perfect time” provides a cozy, comfortable place for perfectionism and fear to hide.

REAL TALK | IF YOU START NOW; YOU’LL START TO FEEL READY

I know it sounds crazy. I know you think that you’re doing something productive by planning everything to the nth degree. But you cannot and will not gain momentum in the planning phase. It is simply, scientifically impossible. But you will gain momentum by taking action.

PLANNING IS NOT ACTION!

I know. I’m sorry. It was a hard pill for me to swallow, too. ButI get stuck in that space if I’m honest. Planning is important, for sure. We all know that saying: Fail to plan; plan to fail?

There’s truth to it for sure. But what happens to many of us is that we get comfortable in the planning phase, and we trick ourselves into thinking that we’re actually doing something, that we’re making meaningful progress toward our goal.

But we are not.

Make your plan, please. But also set a deadline to start. Don’t get stuck there. If starting scares you (which, if you’re reading this I’m going to safely assume that it does), start with something small. Even small action breeds momentum.

And the more you do, the more ready you will feel.

REFRAME YOUR MINDSET

You want things to be perfect, I get it. If you’re like me, my biggest fear was embarrassing myself. I didn’t want people to see something that I didn’t deem “perfect” and judge it, thinking that I thought it was perfect.

That’s a deep seeded wound that I’m working on in therapy, okay?

But I also tend to really overthink things. Then perfectionism and fear take over and paralyze me into inaction.

Sound familiar?

So this is when you have to reframe your perspective. A few mantras I had to adopt were:

• Done is better than perfect.
• Progress over perfection
• Start messy, stay consistent, finish proud.
• You don’t have to get it right the first time, you just have to get it going.
• Launch now, improve later.
• Action is the antidote to fear.
• Small steps lead to big results
• I can adjust as I go.
• I’ll learn more by doing than planning.

Reframing your mindset to focus more on messy action than on fear will help you get comfortable with taking steps forward.

HOW TO START RIGHT NOW | THE POWER OF SMALL ACTION

Hey, action is action. My favorite mantra from above is that small steps lead to big results because it’s true. Starting is often the hardest step — it’s a hurdle we can’t seem to clear. But once you shift from inaction to action, something…happens.

Just like we know a body in motion stays in motion; an idea in action stays in action.

Once you take that first small step, you’ll find that it’s actually so much easier than you thought to keep the momentum going. My favorite trick with this is that I set a timer for 5 minutes.

5 minutes.

That’s it. Whatever the task is, I’m giving myself 5 minutes of focused action. It may not sound like a lot because it’s not. But it’s just enough time to get the ball rolling.

And guess what?

9 times out of 10, when that timer goes off, I’m already in the flow and don’t want to stop. Because the moment I stepped into action, all that fear that was chocking me out and paralyzing me into inaction disappeared.

If you’ve been a long-time consumer of my content, you’ll be familiar with one of my favorite sayings: doing feels better than the wishing. And you guys, THERE IS SO MUCH TRUTH TO THAT!

Actually, I have a homework assignment for you. I want you to identify the smallest, most digestible action you can take right now.

Set a 5 minute timer and do it. Whether that’s walking for 5 minutes, starting that decluttering project you’ve been putting off, writing the first paragraph, whatever it is. Set the timer. And start.

When the timer goes off, I want you to audit how you feel.

Feels pretty good, huh?

Bonus points if you come back to this blog post and share what you started, how starting made you feel, and if you had enough momentum to carryon past the initial 5 minutes.

Other things you can do to start right now are:

• Commit to it, either publicly (like on social media) or privately with a trusted friend.
• Set a short deadline. If you really feel like you have more planning to do (I beg you to be really honest with yourself about this, okay?), then setting a short deadline is important. AND I MEAN SHORT. Within the next 2 weeks.
• Ask yourself: what’s something small I can do right now. This can be as simple as organizing files so they’re easier to access or creating a template to help facilitate expedited action. Sometimes, for me, this looks like creating an outline — whether it’s for a blog post, a youtube video or a chapter — creating an outline feels a lot less daunting to me than creating the whole thing. But THEN, once the outline is created, creating the thing feels less daunting.

THE PERFECT TIME TO START IS NOW

Ladybug, do the thing. I know starting is the hardest part, but you’ll feel so much better once you do. That life you want? It’s right on the other side of the first step. And once you take that first step, the second step will feel easier, and so on and so on. Momentum.

So, I’d like to challenge you to do something right now. Commit to it right here right now in my comment section. Tell me what it is that you’ve been putting off and identify ONE SMALL THING you can do today to take action. I’ll root you on and help you stay accountable.

And guess what? You’re going to feel so amazing once you start. I promise.

But with the rut I was in, I needed to get over that. I didn’t want to start another year feeling the way I was feeling.

Life and my mental health had been teaming up against me for the last several years, and I’d had enough. I was so tired of feeling defeated and exhausted and depleted.

I wasn’t sure where to start or what to do. But I did know I needed a win. I needed something that would set me up for success. Something that would allow me to enter into the new year with a renewed sense of self, accomplishment and confidence but also something that wasn’t so ambitious that one tiny little failure would derail the whole mission.

I lifted weights for 30 days, here’s what happened.

Why weight lifting was the perfect option for mission: pull myself from a rut

I work from home, but at the time of this challenge, I also kept my 3 year old son home full time as well. I would have loved to join a gym and attend a certain number of classes or hit the pavement and log a certain number of miles (both very good rut busters, fyi), but there were too many factors that could fight against those two options for me.

I needed something that come rain or shine, happy or sad, lazy or motivated I could make happen. I needed something that would allow for max effort but also accommodate those low-energy don’t-feel-like-doing-anything sort of moments.

Weight lifting seemed like the most logical answer for a few reasons:

1. There are a ton of free workouts on Youtube.
2. The effort required could be modified by swapping out heavier weights for smaller ones.
3. I don’t typically sweat profusely weight lifting, so I could easily slip the workout into any part of my day wherever I had a free moment.
4. I could do the workouts at home with or without my son around.

The challenge

I needed realistic. I needed grace. And I needed to set myself up for success. As much as my go-hard tendencies wanted to insist on 30 straight days of lifting, I knew the state of my mental health was not going to allow for that. I needed to add in some padding.

I opted for the following:

For one month, 30 days, I would lift weights 5 days a week.

In my mind, that was going to be to lift Monday – Friday, off on the weekends. But there were some weeks where adding in a workout on a weekday was purely impossible. In retrospect, the only way I was successful at this challenge was the fact that I had enough forethought to add in the padding.

The workouts & parameters

The parameters were simple: show up and pick up a weight. Okay, that’s maybe a little more lax than the reality — but ultimately that was really the only requirement. Some days I had more energy than others — so I did longer videos with heavier weights. Other days, well, not so much. On those days, I did a 10 minute video with lighter weights.

The only requirement was to show up and pick up weights.

The workouts: YouTube video exercises

I’d done weight lifting videos in the past, so luckily I already had a few favorite creators before I started this challenge. I’d like to tell you that I was super organized and mapped out exactly what I was going to do very strategically.

I did not.

If I was feeling motivated and adventurous, I’d scroll around for something that looked interesting.

If I was barely hanging on, I’d opt for an old favorite where I knew exactly what to expect.

The videos I used:

I created THIS PLAYLIST on Youtube with all of the videos I used during my challenge.

I don’t have a ton of equipment, but I have a few pieces that make variation possible.

I like this dumbbell set, especially as a beginner. I asked for this set for Christmas the year my son was born. Plus, they’re pretty colors and super easy to maneuver.

This dumbbell set is great because you can modify the weights used. The only thing I don’t love about it is that you have to have somewhere to store the extra weights when you aren’t using them. If I would have thought things through, I probably would have opted for something like this instead.

I have a 10 lb and a 20 lb kettlebell.

The results

First, I have to say I didn’t do this for weight loss. So if you’re looking for numbers on a scale, sorry. This isn’t the challenge for you. I stopped weighing myself about a year ago after I was obsessively trying to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I finally accepted the fact that I am an adult woman, and my body has changed. And obsessively trying to obtain some arbitrary number on a scale just wasn’t a healthy mindset for me, so I had to let it go.

You can see the before & after in this video:

Unexpected benefits

My body did change. I noticed tightening and toning and all the things you might expect from consistent exercise. But since the purpose of this challenge wasn’t necessarily for physical change, I was also hyper aware of other potential benefits to consistent exercise. Here’s what happened.

1. I felt better in general. Even with a 10 minute, low effort workout, I felt better afterward. Endorphins are real. And they
2. I felt motivated to do other things. Big things. Small things. Things I’d been putting off forever. Things I didn’t even know I wanted to do.
3. I actually enjoyed the workouts and fell in love with challenging myself.
4. My head felt clearer. While the videos have their own sound, I would often just turn the volume all the way down, plug in my headphones and use the video as my visual guide. Just having a few moments of peace to allow my brain to be taken away by the tunes did wonders for my head space.

The challenge had the exact desired effect. It pulled me out of the rut. It did such a good job, actually, that I felt motivated enough to commit to vlogging every day in January to keep the momentum of “doing” going.

Ultimately, this challenge was such an easy, low-effort way to kick start the climb from the rut I was in. If you’ve been feeling the same — or you’re just looking to add in some low-stakes exercise into your routine, give it a go! And be sure to let me know how it goes for you below.

And I’m primarily talking here about people here who have various responsibilities but are also trying to “find time” to take better care of themselves, workout, learn a new skill, start a business, lean into a hobby, things that are nice but easily get downgraded on the priority list when life gets a little extra busy.

Which, I don’t know how it goes for you, but I feel like these things just keep dropping further and further down the priority totem pole the older I get. When in reality, they should become more and more of a priority because your girl’s mental health depends on it.

And let’s be real, there’s truth to the statement “nothing works unless you do.” And I don’t mean that in a dream-chasing, hustle shaming kind of way. I mean that literally. If you are not functioning because your physical and/or mental health has fallen so far down the priority list, then everything else, like your actual non-negotiable responsibilities, will stop working, too.

How to make time to do the things we want?

I get it, you’re busy. I’m busy. We’re all freaking busy. And I’m willing to bet if you’re here then you’re probably the kind of person who tends to put everyone else and their needs well before your own.

Guilty.

We wake up one morning, burnt out, exhausted and unfulfilled wondering how on earth we got here.

And what the heck we can do about it.

Whether you’re trying to find time to chase a dream, explore a new hobby, take care of yourself, learn something new, navigate a new career or just to simply rest and relax, the root issue is the time keeps eluding you.

The desire is there. Maybe you even have a framework of a plan. But the days keep passing you by, one after the other, and before you know it it’s been months, maybe even years, and you still haven’t managed to make it happen.

You’re tempted to give up. You tell yourself it’s just not in the cards for you. Or, my favorite, this isn’t the season.

Yes, the reality is that there are certain seasons of life where things are harder, they’re busier. You’re stretched thin or emotionally exhausted. And it’s so important, regardless of what it is you’re trying to navigate, to pay attention to how you feel.

But I would argue that it’s especially important in those seasons to make the time for the things that matter to you.

Otherwise, you can accidentally stumble into a life we don’t want. Because remember, what you do every day becomes your everyday.

We are what we repeatedly do.

So how, despite whatever season of life you’re in, do you make time?

The first thing you need to do is get clear.

You probably have a vague sense of what you want. I want to get in shape. I want to read more. I want to feel better.

But for many of us, that’s where it stops. We let the desire hang out there — but it floats away if it’s not anchored to anything. Without clarity, we can’t do anything intentionally.

So you have to define the desire.

Once you have the desire defined, look at it from all angles. Break it down, get a robust understanding of what it would actually look like to incorporate this into your life. Here’s an example: Maybe your desire is to get into shape.

Obviously, that will look different for every person, but for the sake of this example, let’s say that getting in shape means eating better and moving your body more.

Good, but let’s get a little clearer.

What does eating better actually look like? Maybe you focus on reaching a specific protein and fiber intake goal.

What is required from you to make that happen? Maybe you need to do research on high protein and high fiber foods. You might need to incorporate some time to scroll pinterest or TikTok for ideas. You probably need to meal plan to stick to this goal.

Remember, these are all things that require time — this reminder isn’t to discourage you, it’s to help you be successful.

Because a lot of times what happens is people don’t account for all of something. And then they get overwhelmed and discouraged and they bail using the excuse they don’t have time.

Remember, we’re making time here. So to make time, we have to have a full understanding of what kind of time is required.

What does moving your body more look like? Maybe that means going on a walk three times a week.

So you ask yourself some questions: How long of a walk would be satisfying to you? Are you measuring by distance or by time permitted? What days of the week do you want to incorporate these walks? Will you be walking in your neighborhood or will you have to travel to a gym or a park? If there’s inclement weather, what is your alternative?

Great, now you know exactly what you’re working with.

Now it’s time to identify the why.

And y’all, this has to go a little deeper than “I just want to, okay?” If wanting to was enough, you wouldn’t be sitting here watching this video wondering how to make time.

I want to finish my next book but I still have a day job and a toddler demanding my attention all day long. At the end of the day, I’m le’tired and do not le’care that I le’want to.

Because the reality is, making time generally means sacrificing something. Now, I am not the person who is going to sit here and tell you that you need to sacrifice your well-being to learn how to do cute festival hairstyles because you want to.

I believe you can sleep the right amount and still make the time to do the things you need and want to do.

And in order to sacrifice something, in order to make yourself a little uncomfortable, you have to be super committed to it. And in order to establish a firm commitment, you have to be invested in the why of it all.

So let’s go back to our example. You want to make the time to get into better shape. Why? Well, maybe you want to look and feel better in your clothes. Or maybe you want to lower your blood pressure or cholestorol. Or maybe you want the stamina to keep up with your children. Or you want to be able to physically do the things required of you to take care of the life you want to live without being in excruciating pain.

You see, there’s always a root somewhere. Let’s look at another example.

Maybe you want to make time to explore a new hobby. Why? Well, you’re feeling bored and under-stimulated. You want the sense of accomplishment. You like the endorphins released when you learn a new skill or overcome a challenge. You want to stimulate your brain.

See? Roots.

The roots are what the desire is anchored to. Now, we’re getting somewhere.

Commit to making it a priority

We don’t bail on the important things — especially the things that other people are relying on us for. But we are often inclined to bail on the things we do for ourselves. I could go into how messed up that is, but you probably already know that.

Because I already know it and yet I keep ending up in the same place.

So how do we start treating the things we want to make time for with the same respect we treat our other priorities?

Well, that’s just it. We have to start treating the things we want to make time for with the same respect we treat our other priorities.

This looks like saying no to things and eliminating distractions.

This might be a good time to engage the mantra I adopted when I started making this shift: stop disappointing yourself in favor of pleasing someone else.

Recognize that you actually have time.

I can already hear some of you arguing with me — and okay, okay. You have some valid points. I know you’re busy.

— but you do have time…

How do you manage your time? Are you a paper planner person? Maybe you use an app? Good old iCal? Google Calendar?

If your answer to this is none of those things, that’s probably a good place to start. People who feel like they never have any money or question where their money is going probably don’t have a budget. Time is our most valuable resource. We owe it to ourselves to pay it some attention.

Once you have your life mapped out in your calendar, do a little assessment and see where, if anywhere, you can do some finagling to fit in this new thing you want to do. You might know your routine well enough to know where your pitfall moments are — you know the ones, that’s when you find yourself wasting time — whether that’s doom scrolling your phone or some other time-wasting activity.

Once you’ve identified the block or blocks of time available, schedule your new priority in.

If you’ve done the assessment and still can’t figure out where your new priority can fit in, we’re going to do a little exercise.

It’s called time tracking. And yes, it’s as aggressive as it sounds — but I promise, it’s super effective.

Here’s a free download. How this works is you’re going to track your time in fifteen minute increments for the entire day for an entire week.

I promise this is such an effective way of identifying how you’re actually spending your time. The key here is to be honest. If you spent an entire hour scrolling tiktok, say so.

It’s also super effective in identifying the areas where you can potentially either streamline, systemize or outsource. But that’s not what this blog post is about.

While this exercise is effective at assessing your time and finding the existing white space or wasted moments, it’s ultimately most effective at encouraging you to spend your time wisely.

Just like a money budget keeps you in check with how you’re allocating your dolla dolla bills (no? okay…) — time tracking makes us see the value of each moment and make the most of the time we have.

If you’re still having trouble making the time, run your choices through a filter.

Now, before I say anything here, I understand that there are certain things that cannot be run through this filter. Parenting obligations. Employment obligations. Things like that are filter-less. But you and I can both agree that there are certain things that we allocate our time to that, if given the chance to pause and really think about them, we would likely choose differently.

Your series of filter questions might look different, but some examples could be:

• How does saying yes to this impact my ability to make time for _______.
• Does saying yes to this bring me joy, fulfillment and satisfaction?
• Do I want to do this?
• Does saying yes to this cause me great sacrifice in either the short-term or the long run?

I hope this post helps you to start making the time to go after what you want! I promise you have it in you. And I extra promise you actually have the time. You just need to get very intentional with how you spend it! Comment below and tell me something you want to make the time for this year!

]]> https://www.joeyhodgeswrites.com/2024/07/27/how-to-make-time-to-do-what-you-want-when-youre-already-busy/feed/ 0 228660 https://www.joeyhodgeswrites.com/2024/07/26/beauty-in-the-brokenness/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=beauty-in-the-brokenness https://www.joeyhodgeswrites.com/2024/07/26/beauty-in-the-brokenness/#respond Fri, 26 Jul 2024 12:00:18 +0000 https://www.joeyhodgeswrites.com/?p=28036 *Disclaimer

I originally wrote this blog post in the spring of 2018. I finally feel brave enough today to share it. Be kind. And if you know someone struggling, I hope you feel inspired to reach out and encourage them.

Okay, wait. Slow down. Tell me more about that. Why would you take it upon yourself to try to fix or handle things for other people when it wasn’t your responsibility? I sat in silence staring at the counselor for a moment, trying to compose myself enough to answer her question.

I guess because I don’t ever want them to feel the way I’ve felt before.

And how’s that? How have you felt before?

…Alone.

It was only a few weeks earlier that I called my best friend at 10 PM in tears. Okay, I conceded. You win. I think it’s time to go to counseling. I’d sat staring at a blank screen with a blinking cursor one too many times, and I couldn’t take it anymore. When God presses into your last and most important outlet, you finally listen.

I’ve mentioned before it’s been a rough few years. And when I found myself in the middle of a nervous breakdown as 2017 came to a close, one of my closest friends pushed and pushed. I really think you should talk to someone. I didn’t want to hear it. It hurt to hear her say those words; for her to assume I couldn’t handle things on my own. I’m fine. I can do this myself. I don’t need any help. I’m fine.

Despite my claims, everything started to feel really heavy. Too heavy. Bigger than me. And when God took away my words, I knew it was time.

Setting up the first appointment was the hardest part. I’d never been to counseling before. I had a lot of respect for anyone who got help when they needed it–but that wasn’t me. Wasn’t I strong enough to deal with things on my own? I could handle whatever life had to throw at me. My life isn’t that hard. Was I admitting defeat if I sat on a couch and cried to a stranger? Did that make me weak? I wrestled with all the internal thoughts for months. Everyone close to me insisted it was time.

You’ve been through a lot, they all said. Big things. Messy things. It’s okay to ask for help.

But I don’t ask for help. That’s not in my nature. I take care of people. I do all the things always. That’s who I am. What did it mean that I couldn’t do this on my own?

But I swallowed my pride, and I told myself if I was going to do this, I was going to do it. I promised myself I’d show up, be vulnerable, and that I’d be open to the process.

I didn’t know what to expect. I certainly didn’t expect to have my heart cracked open and my perspective shattered. Session after session, my heart started to find relief; peace. So much has happened, things I’ve agonized over. Things I could have done better; things I should have done better. Things I had no idea how to walk through, not on my own.

Weirdly enough, I once heard Life Coach Jay Pryor on an episode of the Being Boss Podcast share his mantra on things like that, and it’s stuck with me. He confessed he’d tell himself It’s okay, you’ve never done this before.

I’d never lost a parent before. I’d never started a company or dissolved a partnership before. I’d never been a caretaker for a parent after major surgery before. And I’d never completely lost myself before.

It’s funny to think that there’s beauty in the brokenness. But there really is something beautiful in what you can learn about grace when you’re face down in the dirt. Life knocks us all down at times. What kicks my knees out from under me may not be the same for you. But the feeling is all the same. Brokenness is brokenness.

I don’t think I’m alone in my initial mission to keep my head down and trudge forward no matter what life threw at me. I know I’m not alone in my I-can-do-this-myself way of thinking. And I’m sure others subscribe to the theory that asking for help is a sign of defeat.

But it was never God’s intent for us to go through life alone. That’s why he made Eve for Adam. And the irony isn’t lost on me that I found my way to counseling through the support of those who love me, when what I needed most to rectify was that feeling of being alone. Alone in life. Alone in business. Alone in all the things that scared me into panic attacks in the dark of night.

Your love language is acts of service, my counselor observed. But when do you give those who love you the most the opportunity to serve you? They can’t if you do it all yourself.

Touché.

I don’t know what you may be struggling with right now, but I do know you don’t have to go through it alone. I realize we all have different thresholds for brokenness. And what might feel heavy for me may be a cake walk for you. But if you keep trying to push away the nagging maybe I should talk to someone thought, know there’s no shame in getting help. Seeking counsel is often times the best thing you can do for yourself, the best way to give yourself a shot at staying afloat.

In 2018, there were many hurdles that kept me from getting the help I needed. Back then, my only real option was to find a counselor, commute there and sit face-to-face. I used those hurdles as excuses for far too long. Thankfully today, online counseling is more widely available.

I hope if you are struggling, that you’re braver than I was initially and seek the help available to you.

I’ve had conversations with so many friends lately with the same general consensus. We’re all just having a tough time. We know there’s so much good in our day-to-day, but we’re all so stuck in a state of survival to pay any of it much attention. It’s discouraging and exhausting.

So that’s where I got the idea for this project. I’m personally on a journey to start experiencing more joy in my day-to-day, and I thought maybe some of you might want to join me on that journey.

How to be happy | Why are we all feeling funky?

I got to really thinking about it, trying to analyze it to figure out why we were all feeling this way and where it’s rooted so that I could start at the very beginning. I didn’t just want this to be a series documenting my journey but something that people could really follow for themselves if they wanted to. Because if I can do anything in this life, I want to help people experience more joy, whatever that looks like for them.

So when I thought about that, I realized it all roots down to purpose and intention. Something happens, we enter a warp-speed season of life and our autopilot switch gets flipped. Or, we enter a particularly tough era and we start with the numbing agents and enter survival mode. And sometimes, we find ourselves in both of those scenarios at the same time.

Whenever I think about this, how sometimes we’re just eager to fast forward through especially tough or busy times in our lives, I can’t help but think about that movie Click with Adam Sandler. If you haven’t seen it, he’s basically got a magic remote control that gives him the power to fast forward through things he doesn’t want to experience for any reason — but the trick is, once he fast forwards through it once, it’ll always fast forward. And the next thing he knows, his whole life passes him by one fast forwarded moment after another, and he misses out on everything.

I mean, I don’t think we need any more clear analogy here, do we? I know life is hard right now. I know it is — I’m struggling. I cry more these days than I ever have and I honestly feel more lost, clueless and lonely than I ever did in my twenties.

Recognizing it can be good & hard

But it’s also not lost on me that I’m smack dab in the middle of something I literally prayed for. I’ve told the story before of what 2019/2020 looked like for us. I’ve told the story of how I didn’t think we’d ever get to buy a house or have a kid. And here I am, sitting in the exact home I prayed for writing this when the kid is sleeping. It can be everything you ever wanted and it can still be hard.

It can be everything you ever wanted, and it can still be hard.

So that’s where intention comes into play. You might be in a particularly repetitive time in your life — maybe you’re a student or you’re a mom or you’re planted firmly in the 9-5 season of life. If we’re not careful, we can find ourselves pretty much living the same day over and over again. I love structure and routine. My anxiety needs structure and routine — without it there’s very little chance I’ll enjoy anything because I’ll be internally panicking about what comes next every second of the day.

But you can still purposefully enjoy particular moments in a routine and structured existence. The point, though, is to be intentional about it. I’m so guilty of just doing one thing after another, checking things off a never ending to-do list, hustling to make it through the day. Things I enjoy get put onto a todo list or a goal chart and it’s like I forget to let myself truly experience them when I’m doing them.

The power of intention

I love doing my nails, but since becoming a mom it’s something I make myself rush through if I even make the time for it. I enjoy cleaning and keeping a tidy space, but that’s the first thing that goes out the window when life gets a little busy. Reading is my only true escape, and I never make time for it anymore — and if I do, it’s cramming a book in as fast as I can to finish before a book club meeting.

It’s like I’m using the magic remote, fast forwarding through even the most enjoyable things just to get them over with, to survive the day, to cross another thing off the todo list.

So that’s our first assignment on this journey: we have to find the tiny moments of joy in this hard season and intentionally enjoy them. Slow down, savor it, take notice of it.

Often times, we can’t just click our heels and transport out of the hard stuff. I wish we could. But we can start allowing the good to at least weigh as much as the hard. We just have to allow those things the chance to take up space.

I know things are hard. But I bet if you look hard enough, you can identify at least a handful of things you do or could do each day that you would enjoy. Be intentional with your choices — have a few seconds of down time and enjoy reading? Pull up the kindle app on your phone instead of mindlessly scrolling TikTok for the 100th time that day. Like cooking but in this season it’s just another thing to get done? Pick a day that you get to actually enjoy the act of cooking the meal. These don’t have to be big and monumental, friend. In fact, right now? The moments of joy probably won’t be big or monumental — that’s why we feel the way we do.

So it’s up to us to intentionally choose to enjoy our lives.

That’s it for me today, friend. Let me know in the comments what’s a tiny moment of joy you’re going to intentionally enjoy this week? Until next time, XOXO.