Comments on: Real Talk: Marriage, Babies, and Family

By: Whitney H

Whitney H — Mon, 14 Mar 2016 18:34:13 +0000

I have to agree with every single person who commented above me about this situation. If it was done intentionally by the "friend," that person would no longer be considered a friend to me.

If I was your friend, I would talk to the person who sent out the card. If it was listed on the outer envelope, it is likely that this could have been done by the USPS and not the "friend." Obviously I have no right to tell you or your friend what to do, but I would just check to make sure that this was intentional. And if it was, then I would probably rip the friend a new one :) 'Cause THAT shit is ridiculous.

By: Whitney Pendell

Whitney Pendell — Sat, 21 Nov 2015 20:09:51 +0000

Yes, yes, yes! I've been married almost 5 years and have been asked countless times, "so when are you going to have kids?" Better yet, my husband is often asked, "don't you guys like children?" We have no plans to have children in the near future, but people don't necessarily know that. If we were struggling with infertility, those questions would be incredible painful. I am constantly amazed at people's insensitivity. I always refer to my husband and I as "my family," because that's what we are! Thanks for sharing this post!

Whitney @ Come Home For Comfort

By: Selma @ Crazy Little World Of Mine

Selma @ Crazy Little World Of Mine — Thu, 19 Nov 2015 06:03:47 +0000

Excuse me? How on earth were the senders even thinking that crossing out the word FAMILY was a good thing?! Ohmygaaawwwwwd. I am appalled. WOW. So pissed right now.
And yes, this would have made me think, too. Family is a weird word. I learned that we have to define what or who family is on our own. Everyone has a right to define it for themselves but NOT for others. I lost my closest family member in May {my mom} and I had to rethink what and who family is to me. I have no siblings, no father, no one. Technically I am an orphan now. Ha. I have my husband, and now our two cats...so to me, this is my family. My in-laws are my family. My cousins in Istanbul, London, Illinois, Philly, and North Carolina are my family. My very close friends are my family. Home is where family is, right? If home equals to two cats and a husband, or a dog and a husband, etc...then so be it. So sad that people are willing to push others to make them feel bad, or to take the liberty to tell them they are not worth being who they think they are {a family} by crossing the word out. Man, I'm pissed.
Thank you though for posting this...it's important to get the word out that family has multiple meanings.

xoxo

By: Meghan at Champagne & Suburbs

Meghan at Champagne & Suburbs — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 19:09:12 +0000

Oh, that pisses me off. My parents completely understand that DG and I define ourselves as a family, and our dogs as our children. Last year, we made the decision to spend Christmas by ourselves since it was our first married Christmas because it became difficult to try to divide our time between our extended families. However, one of our family members does not define us as a family and makes us feel insignifcant because we don't have kids. And all she ever talks about is "when we have kids." What if we don't? What if we can't? I mean, come on. I love that you shared this. Times are changing and it beyond pisses me off when people are unwilling to accept that having children doesn't define your self worth. xo, Champagne&Suburbs

By: Becky Dougherty

Becky Dougherty — Sun, 08 Nov 2015 06:21:24 +0000

I couldn't agree with you more!!! Family is personal, and it's different for everyone. Furthermore, it's so wrong to assume a couple isn't a family just because they don't have kids. You may not know what the situation is that's keeping them from having kids. I think perhaps the cardsender should simply choose to address to Mr. & Mrs. in the future.

By: Claire | Fashion + Feathers

Claire | Fashion + Feathers — Sun, 08 Nov 2015 02:28:09 +0000

PS – nice shirt 😉

By: Claire | Fashion + Feathers

Claire | Fashion + Feathers — Sun, 08 Nov 2015 02:27:48 +0000

Ouch! Hugs to your friend. As we're (hopefully) a couple weeks (or less!) from meeting our little, Dave and I were talking today at lunch about how timing is incredible, even when we didn't know it. About two years ago, we would have happily welcomed a little one and it didn't happen when we thought it should. Now that we see the timing of all this, it's amazing because he'll graduate right around the time she's born. Grad school has taken up so much of his time over the last two years but how amazing that it won't take away time with his daughter? That's something we didn't necessarily think about when we decided we were ready for kids. And yes to our own definition of family. If you don't ever choose to become a mom, you're still every bit as much a woman as the next and the two of you are a family. Prayers for your friend that she finds comfort in the timing of it all. That was a hard pill to swallow for me but there were many things we got to before becoming Mom and Dad that I'm so glad we had the chance to do.

By: Lita

Lita — Fri, 06 Nov 2015 14:37:31 +0000

As someone who is adopted, I have often been surprised but things people have asked me about my family. And how people have questioned its legitimacy. Hopefully your friend realizes that their thoughtless "friend", is the worst. Thanks for sharing your thoughts 🙂

By: Julie

Julie — Fri, 06 Nov 2015 06:32:24 +0000

I popped over from Kristin's blog where she linked to this post. You hit the nail on the target with this post. My husband and I do not have kids and majority of our friends do. We are starting to now be eliminated from certain things because of this. Not all our friends do this but a good number do and they are constantly asking the questions of when. My response lately has been varied, but really its none of their business. We, like you, aren't certain when we are going to but we know we are getting older. Family is those who accept you for who you are!

I am going to be a new follower, hope you don't mind! :)

By: Christine Rose Infanger

Christine Rose Infanger — Fri, 06 Nov 2015 00:25:31 +0000

That's the most offensive thing I've heard in quite some time. If that's how the sender felt they would have been better off addressing the envelope to [Jane and John Smith]. Writing their name and crossing out the word family was a blatant, and juvenile dig at them. Given it's 2015, and even if it weren't, that's horribly rude, not to mention hurtful. You never know what someone's circumstances are. Perhaps the [Smith] family has chosen not to have children at this time, or ever. Perhaps they can't and that was a very hurtful reminder. Perhaps they miscarried a child recently and had it thrown in their face with that envelope. What are people thinking when they do these things? As if people don't know they're childless and for what reasons.
I grew up in an unconventional family, being raised by my grandparents. In my adult life, I've built a family around me by way of closely chosen friends...and my dog. I lost my fiancé several years ago and, much the same way people remind couples they're running out of time to have children, I'm not-so-subtly told I need to get myself hitched to be a whole person and to be happy. People need to stop assuming what others need to be happy and complete. Each of us choose what is right for ourselves and our family life as individuals and couples. Those of you who are coupled and have children- be happy and healthy and enjoy it. Those of you who are coupled and don't have children- be happy and healthy and enjoy it. Everyone does the best they can and makes the choices that work for them; that doesn't always mean having kids.