by Joey | Apr 22, 2024 | Joyful by Design
If you’re craving some sort of change but 1. you’re at capacity and just don’t know if you have the energy for it or 2. you don’t know where to start, today’s post is for you.
It’s no secret that I’m obsessed with change and finding ways to improve my life. I especially love finding tiny ways to make that happen. It’s oddly satisfying to implement a small change that brings about enormous impact.
Here are five easy changes that’ll up-level your life.
Up-level your life with these 5 easy changes
Honor the alarm clock (keep the promises you make to yourself)
It seems so simple, I know. It might also seem insignificant; it’s not. Think about it, the very first thing you do, the very first decision you make each day is what you’re going to do when that alarm goes off. It might seem like it doesn’t matter if you slap snooze and roll over for a few extra Zzzs. But what if…
What if your entire day looks different just because you decided to keep the promise you made to yourself.
What if you fight through that initial grogginess and get to enjoy a peaceful moment to have your coffee.
What if you make a better breakfast choice because you’re already on a roll…
The thing is, when you choose to keep the promise you made to yourself very first thing, you set yourself up to keep that momentum going. You set the foundation to treat yourself better throughout the day, to actually show yourself the respect you deserve. And when you do that, suddenly you start expecting that same respect from others (and guess what, they actually start to show it).
Yes. I mean it. All of those things can change just by keeping one small promise to yourself and not hitting snooze.
Imagine what else could change if you kept the other promises you make to yourself.
Set daily intentions
It’s so easy to slip into a monotonous existence. Our lives are so routine that if we aren’t purposeful, the days start to blur together and we stop growing. We stop evolving.
Intentions don’t have to be anything serious. Intentions don’t necessarily have to be tasks to complete or goals to achieve. It can be as simple as “I intend to show kindness in all of my interactions today.”
Intentions just keep you in the driver seat of your experience. We forget that we get to design how our days go, even with things that we can’t control. Hate your job? I get it. Set an intention to notice the things that you like about your job that day. Does it change your situation? No. But it does change how you experience your situation.
Obviously intentions can go big, too. Intentions can help you walk the path to achieving a big goal.
But if intentions freak you out, and you tend to be paralyzed by todo lists and big-picture dreams; start with the smaller stuff.
Trade out “I’m sorry” with a thank you statement
I apologize for simply existing all the time. This became painfully apparent when I was in the hospital earlier this year. I wish there had been a counter keeping track of the number of times I said I was sorry. I was literally there because I couldn’t move — and yet, I apologized over and over again for needing help. In. A. Hospital.
When I got home, the experience made me feel sick. So I decided to do something about it. Whenever I felt the urge to say “I’m sorry,” I looked to see if there was a “thank you” alternative. For instance, at the hospital, instead of saying I was sorry for not being able to stand up and requiring assistance, I could have said “thank you for helping me.”
Running a little late for a meeting? Instead of saying “Sorry I’m late,” replace it with “thank you for your patience.”
Need to make a special accommodation that makes you feel like a burden? Instead of apologizing, say “thank you for accommodating.”
You get the point. I’ve been doing this where possible since January. And it has made such a difference in how I feel in certain situations, but it has also changed how my interactions feel as well. Highly recommend.
Establish a “closing shift” routine
I used to be really on top of my life. And then I became a full-time WFH SAHM to a wild toddler. My mood and how I feel day-to-day is hugely affected by my surroundings. But also, I’m tired.
I got into the habit of just leaving stuff for the next day. I never used to do that because I lived by the idea of doing my future self a favor — but present Joey is exhausted and just can’t.
I locked myself in to a vicious cycle. Fed up, I decided to figure out a way to make it work. I crafted a closing shift routine. Ever work at a restaurant? In order to get cut, you have to complete your closing shift duties — your “side work” if you will. On the nights you were anxious to get out of there right at closing, well, you’d start your closing shift duties as early as you possibly could. You’d get crafty and creative with it.
I started to implement that same strategy at home. Determine what needs to get done each evening to set yourself up for a peaceful morning. Literally make it into a routine — an evening task list — and cross things off as you do them. Write the tasks in permanent marker on a dry erase board and check them off each day as you do them. Whatever works for you.
Take decisions out of the moment (Eliminate decision fatigue)
The best (and probably most common) example of this is to meal plan. By 4:30 on any given day, the last thing I want to do is make another decision. I meal plan and grocery shop on Fridays for the upcoming week so I don’t have to think about meals again until the next Friday.
There are other ways to do this as well. I project manage pretty much every area of my life. I have to for work, it’s the only way I’d stay on top of things with the craziness going on in my house at any given moment. But I found that it’s helpful with cleaning schedules, closet rotations, toy rotations, etc.
I use Asana for this mostly, especially for work. I also use the Reminder’s app on my phone (which I have set as a widget on my phone home screen and my desktop wallpaper).
The trick is to batch make decisions so that in the day-to-day you’re just cruising right along. It makes such a difference not just in your productivity (if that matters to you) but also in how you feel.
Alright, friend! That’s it for me today. Until next time! XOXO
by Joey | Apr 19, 2024 | Mom stuff
Well hello! Exhausted mama here reporting in at the end of day 1 of potty training. I’m thrilled to say the day went far better than expected (the kiddo is rocking it!) But man, oh man. The hyper vigilance (which was 90% unnecessary by hour 3) will take it out of you. My kid, typical champion sleeper, of course woke up earlier than he ever has today and only took a 45 minute nap.
I am, as they say, le’tired. (Do they say that? I don’t know.)
For context, the tot is pretty much exactly 2.5 years old. He’s a wild child who almost never stops moving. I had my doubts about this process, but like I mentioned earlier — it went far better than expected. I’ll break down how I prepared for this blessed day and what I found to actually work.
How to prepare to potty train a toddler
Wine. Lots of wine. No, wait. Sorry. Wrong notes. I won’t lie. The whole concept of potty training has freaked me out my entire parenting journey thus far. And up until today, it’s always been a future Joey’s problem. Well, future Joey wants to smack past Joey upside the head for stressing out about it so much. Because just like with most things in my life, I can do anything for X amount of time. And so can you. And I can also pretty much guarantee you that YOUR attitude and “vibe” will set the tone (and the success rate) of the experience for your kiddo.
What I bought for potty training
What method to use for potty training | Day 1 experience
I believe potty training is much like skinning a cat (is this something people do often? Because I swear people talk about skinning cats far more than anyone actually skins a cat…but I digress). There’s more than one way to do it. And all roads lead to the same destination — you just have to ask yourself which route you’re most comfortable with. My mom, she’s a scenic route less-cars-on-the-road kind of lady. I, on the other hand, want to take the express way. We both end up in the same place eventually.
I took Jamie’s advice to heart. That being said, that’s really the only advice I consumed. I tend to get overwhelmed easily and fall into analysis paralysis. And when it comes to something like potty training — something that has to be done — I figured it would be best for me to just pick a lane and stick with it. So I opted for the Oh crap! Potty training method.
There are plenty of gimmicks out there — most of which claim to have your child potty trained in 3 days, some even less. What I appreciated about Jamie’s advice is that she doesn’t track the process by days. She tracks it by blocks. And those blocks might align with days. They might not. Every child is different. Where this process tends to go off the rails is when the parent(s) put a little too much pressure on the situation. C’mon little Johnny!! It’s day 2! You should be doing this on your own by now!
Little Johnny isn’t going to perform under that kind of pressure. Could you?
You’re taking your child from: clueless to “I’m peeing” to “I peed” to “I have to pee.” And it takes as long as it takes to from one phase to the next.
Here’s what I did for potty training day 1
That boy was naked. All. day. long. He did occasionally ask to put a shirt on, which I allowed, but it inevitably got soaked either playing at the water table outside or with this sink inside and it would come off. We went through 3 shirts today.
The potty chair was nearby at all times. I explained to him what it was and that big kids put their pee pee and poop in the potty. He’s been following me into the bathroom since the dawn of time, so I referenced that, too, in my explanation. I asked a few times “where does your pee pee go?” and he would point to the potty and say “right there.”
The first urination. The first time he started to pee, he did what he’s been doing since he was born: he just started peeing. I quickly interrupted him and said “Oop! Pee pee goes in the potty!” at which point he quickly stopped his stream of pee and ran over to the potty and finished his business.
I resisted the urge to offer a reward. My kid does well with bribery. I use it for far more than I should, but mama’s gotta keep her sanity around here. I have skittles on hand just in case, but I decided not to pull them out unless things got desperate. It turns out he enjoys feeling proud of himself and that was incentive alone. That, and the fact that he got to pour his pee pee into the big potty and flush it. He thought that was pretty cool.
I set 30 minute reminders on my watch. I have a tendency to hover and overdo it with things. My husband might use the word nag. It was my intention to prompt him to sit on the potty every thirty minutes. In reality, I didn’t really have to do this. After that first pee, he had one little dribble incident where he stopped himself and ran to the potty to empty his bladder. From there, I think he became obsessed. He would run over to the potty every so often on his own. I wasn’t sure if I could trust this or not, so I did still intend to prompt him at the 30 minute mark, but more often than not he’d already do it himself. He did pee during one of my prompts, though, so that was reassuring.
I still used a diaper at nap (and bedtime). I’ll be honest, work and life are just a little too crazy right now for me to give up any more sleep than I already do. (If you don’t know, I wake up and start working crazy early in order to get most of my work done for the day before the kiddo wakes up. It’s a season of life. It won’t last forever. But I’m tired.)
Day one final verdict
I would say he’s graduated to phase two. By the end of the day he was going onto the little potty by himself to pee. Poop, on the other hand, scared the actual sh!t out of him. I expected that (thanks to Jamie’s extremely long and super informative chapter all about poop), so I didn’t let that derail the day.
Tomorrow, we enter block 2: he’ll get his pants back (or shorts, because let’s be honest it’s already 90 degrees in NC), but he’ll be going commando. Here’s hoping day 2 goes as well as day 1!
If you’re embarking on this journey, take a deep breath, mama (and maybe grab an extra bottle of wine or two to have on hand). You can do this. And so can your kiddo!
Until next time! XOXO
by Joey | Apr 17, 2024 | Joyful by Design
If you’re clicking on this blog post, I’m going to assume that you feel less-than in some way. Maybe you look at other people and think they have something I don’t. They know something I don’t. I know this because that was me. I lived most of my life feeling like I was a waste of space.
It’s hard to admit that. Really hard. But it’s the truth.
I will tell you this: nothing about me has changed from when I lived with that belief to now except my perspective. I am not more valuable now. I’m not more skilled now. I’m not more anything now than I was then.
I tell you that so you can understand this with clarity: you. are. valuable. You have a purpose. You are unique simply by being who you are. There are qualities within you that others do not have. The person you are is a perfect blended cocktail of amazingness put on this planet on purpose. And by not being yourself, you’re not just hurting yourself, you’re doing a disservice to those in your hemisphere.
Because you matter. Just the way you are.
Don’t believe me? Okay, that’s fair. I wouldn’t have believed me at first either. So let’s take a look at some of the things I did (and you can do) to help you establish the foundation of confidence that’ll get you to a place where you do believe me.
How to be more confident
Do things that build trust within yourself
I had to honor the small commitments I made to myself to help establish and foster self-respect. Self-respect. You might be rolling your eyes right now. But listen to me: you have to respect yourself before you can establish confidence. The two are so closely linked it’s almost impossible to differentiate the two.
To establish self respect, you have to do things that you respect. I know, revolutionary. But it was to me. Making this simple revelation was imperative for me. Duh. I have to do things I respect to respect myself. I wasn’t going to get there by continuing to let myself down.
I have this (somewhat dark and twisted) theory on life: I won’t let myself down anymore. Other people do that with gleefor free.
I know, who knew. The happy girl has a dark side.
But it’s true, friend. There will always be people in this world who will let you down. Don’t be that person to yourself.
Do some self reflection and identify what qualities and core values you respect and then try them on for size.
I built trust within myself by keeping my promises to myself. If I set an alarm for a certain time in the morning, I got up when the alarm went off. If I said I was going to go for a run, I went for a run. If I said I wasn’t going to drink soda for a day, I didn’t drink soda for the day. It wasn’t easy. It’s not easy. It won’t ever be easy. But start small and work your way up. Honor the commitments you make to yourself.
You will respect the hell out of yourself for it.
Let yourself try
Once I knew what I wanted, I had to give myself the chance to try. This was when I really started to come into myself. This is also the first time I realized I was smart. I honestly lived my entire life assuming I was dumb. I loved school but wasn’t a great student — I had a lot of trouble in classes but also, I didn’t have any help. I didn’t grow up in the kind of house where help was available. (Any other latchkey kids here?) I didn’t even know I could get help. I thought you either got it or you didn’t.
And I didn’t. Oh, well that sucks. I pulled the short straw.
That’s ridiculous to me now. I look for help all the time now. Sure, I’m still not great at asking for it, but I look to research for help literally all the time now.
It’s amazing the type of courage you can muster up to try something when you know there are resources to support you. I don’t know much. But Google knows everything.
And I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and Google who supplies all the answers I don’t know.
All jokes aside, the confidence comes from doing, friend. I wish there were another way, I do. Because I know how scary it is to try. I know how scary it is to attempt something that you will not be good at initially. Please try. And continue to try. You will find yourself in this experience. And dare I say it, you will actually start to like yourself.
There’s a quote I live by. Albert Einstein said it:
Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it’ll live its whole life believing it’s stupid.
You are not stupid. You are not less-than. You just need to find your pond. Keep searching, it’s out there.
Eliminate the noise
Give yourself a break from social media consumption for a hot minute. In 2017, I decided I was going to introduce a Social Media Free day every week. The very first time I did it, I liked it so much I decided to keep it going the next day. And the next. And the next. Before I knew it, I’d unintentionally taken an entire month off from social media. I owned an online business at the time. (I add this in because I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking you could never. I thought the same thing. And guess what: you can. You really, really can. My business survived. Yours will, too).
I learned a lot from accidentally quitting social media for a month. But the biggest value from stepping away and eliminating the noise was the self-discovery. I had a chance to think real thoughts. I was able to determine my own opinions. It’s crazy, I know, but so much of what we think and believe is just a product of the sum of the thousands and thousands thoughts and opinions we consume daily.
Getting to know yourself, really getting to know yourself will help you tremendously to stand on a firm foundation. And a firm foundation, a solid understanding of who you are and what you believe in, will give you so much confidence it’s almost ridiculous that it could be that simple. (It’s simple but not easy.)
Edit & refine your circle.
You are who you spend time with. I used to hate that advice growing up. But sadly, friend. It’s true. If you’re hanging out with negative nellies all the time, well…that negativity will creep in and start to poison the well. If you’re spending time with people who don’t respect you? Well, they’ll provide the confirmation your limiting belief is looking for. If you’re around people who put you down, how will you ever pull yourself out from underneath their foot?
It’s annoying advice, I know. But you really have to take a look at who you’re spending time with — I mean this IRL and online. Pay attention to who you follow online. Maybe you follow someone whose content always makes you feel bad about yourself for one reason or another. Mute them. Unfollow them. Comparison is the thief of joy, sure. But it’s also the squasher of confidence.
When it comes to editing your IRL circle, a hard truth to swallow is that yes: this might look like cutting people out of your life or distancing yourself from certain people. This is not fun. And it’s not easy. And yes, it can be very lonely and isolating at first. But hear me when I tell you this: you are making room for the right people.
The universe abhors a vacuum. Remove and something else will replace it. Give it time. The right people will come into your life. And it’ll feel so. much. better.
There’s so much I could say on the subject. And I did here in this video, if you’re interested for the chattier side of things. But the bottomline, if you get nothing else from this post, is this: you are worth respecting.
I hope that this has offered you some sense of comfort and courage to start the journey to finding your confidence. Because friend, I want that for you. I really, really do.
Until next time! XOXO!
by Joey | Apr 15, 2024 | beauty
If you know me at all, you know there are just some things I can’t be bothered with. While I love makeup and can truly appreciate the art of a full face, that’s just never been my style. In fact, I was all set to take a management position at Lancôme just out of college but ended up turning it down because they insisted I wear more makeup. It makes sense, and I’m not knocking them for that. I get it. I just also knew myself well enough to know that my day-to-day look just…isn’t that.
So I can sit here and claim all day long that my makeup application is due to the mom season of life that I’m in. But that’s just not true. This is who I am and just who I’ve always been. When it comes to makeup, less is more for me.
That being said, I am not a makeup-free girlie. I don’t care, but I do care a little bit. You know? I hope you know.
After years and years of being this middle-of-the-road makeup wearer, there are a couple of products I will always repurchase. It’s a mix of drugstore makeup and high end, but I can promise you they’re worth the investment because I’m also a cheap girlie.
Make up products I will always repurchase
I resisted for a long, long time. I also tried pretty much every product that claimed to be a dupe. I’m sorry to tell you, there just isn’t one that matches up. There are a few that come close, sure. But I still find myself repurchasing this product halfway through tubes of “dupes.” Save yourself the money and skip the dupes. It’s not often I’ll tell you that. But this is one product that absolutely lives up to the claims. The fact that it has 50SPF is alone a selling point for this elder millennial. But the coverage, finish and lasting power all just drive the sale home. Trust me, it’s worth the price tag.
This is so inexpensive. It’s also so so good. As an oily girl, I’ve tried pretty much every drugstore powder under the sun. The Bare Minerals mineral veil was the only thing I’d wear for the longest time because it was the only thing I could trust. This super duper inexpensive drugstore loose powder is exactly the product I’d been searching for. I’ve been using it for years now. And I will continue to repurchase it until the dreaded day it’s discontinued (which seems to be the fate of every product I love but I digress…) I also really love the stay matte version of it that you can find at Walmart).
I did a waterproof mascara smackdown after my dad died in 2016. Morbid, I know. But I had to add some levity and pull some value from the situation, okay? I am who I am.
The winner of the smackdown was a variation of this same mascara. I then went on to use the non-waterproof version of the winner for years until this one came out.
The sensationlash mascaras are just unmatched in the drugstore in my opinion. I have teeny tiny baby lashes with hooded eyelids. Finding a mascara that works for me is practically impossible. This one lengthens, volumizes, fans lashes and doesn’t transfer. I don’t use the waterproof version, and it stays put. Doesn’t flake. And removes like a dream with regular face wash. If you need a new drugstore mascara, give it a go. I think you’ll love it.
Okay friend! That’s it from me today! XOXO
by Joey | Apr 12, 2024 | Mom stuff
*disclaimer
I have a 2.5 year old son. I also work full-time while keeping him home with me. I’m not going to lie, it’s…hard.
Like, really freaking hard.
We also decided to eliminate screens at the start of 2024. So for the last 4 months, I’ve been a full-time work from home stay at home mom to a toddler without the help of my trusty co-parent: Ms. Rachel.
SOS.
Like with anything, some days are better than others. But you can bet your bottom dollar that those tough days have inspired me to do just about all the research there is to do on how to keep this wild creature living in my house entertained (and off my keyboard).
Let my trial and error give you a leg up. These are tried and true favorites in this house (and they help me keep my sanity…and my job). These are the “big guns” I pull out when I really need to focus on what I’m doing. (You know, to like, write another book or figure out the merchant account services for my business. 🤪)
Toddler toys that actually keep them busy
We got this toolbox as a gift from his cousin who is about 6 months older than him for his second birthday. When I texted a few days after his party with my profuse gratitude (and praise for the life-saving toy), they replied that it was a well-loved toy in their house, too, so she knew it would be put to good use. I’ve since learned that they’ve gifted this same toolbox multiple times over, and I can see why.
This made its way under the tree for Christmas, and it was one of the first things that captivated his attention that day. That’s saying a lot because I mean…it was Christmas. But he really enjoys not just using it properly, but he also likes “resetting” the beads by pulling them from the cones & putting them back into the pull area.
Reusable sticker books (we like this one, this one and this one)
I mentioned this in a recent blog post where I shared how we eliminated screens for our toddler. These come in handy in so many different situations. I love them for when I’m on a meeting at home, but we’ve also brought them with us to restaurants and to relative’s houses that are…we’ll just say…not kid friendly.
We live in a seriously remote area. Everywhere and anywhere we need to travel takes no less than 25 minutes. The kiddo has always done well in the car (thank God), but this book is his favorite thing to play with in the car. He’s also learned so much from it. He was borderline speech delayed, which is what prompted the purchase of the book in the first place. I now hear him repeating words and sounds from the backseat which is just a total bonus.
My water obsessed child would play all day in the dog’s water dish if I let him. So take this recommendation with a grain of salt — but this is functional sink came with so many things that getting bored is just not an option. I will say, prepare your space with towels if your child is as messy as mine — but I would buy this sink five times over if I could. He couldn’t believe the faucet worked the first time he turned it on.
Ok, this is a cheat because we don’t actually own it. But a friend does — and it’s on our wish list because any time we see these friends, the kiddo totally ignores all living creatures (which is saying a lot because he is dog and cat obsessed and they have both) for the entire duration of our visit.
He asks about this toy at least once a day.
I mean, this is probably a super obvious one if you’re a toddler parent. But if you’re a toddler parent that is like me, you might be resisting. The idea of a water table did not seem appealing to me for a few reasons — but honestly, all of those reasons went right out the window once I actually set it up.
Now, I couldn’t imagine getting through our day without it. I have had to learn to embrace mess and the fact that the toddler will likely have to change clothes a few times a day. But truthfully, I much prefer that to battling him all day long.
My mom bought this for the kiddo. Initially, she offered for us to take it to our house — but our home is small, and we try to visit my mom’s house a few times a week. We decided to keep it at her house, and it was absolutely the right move! Going to visit Grandma’s is even more exciting! He starts talking about his trains the second we pass a certain point in our journey. He knows exactly where we’re going and what he’s going to get to do.
The train table has also proven to be a big hit with his (much much older) cousins. When everyone was visiting for the holidays, I even spotted the cousins who are in their 20s playing with it.
Play kitchen (ours is discontinued, but this one is similar)
I feel like this one doesn’t require a lot of explanation because most everybody has a play kitchen of some sort. But as I mentioned before, our house is very small. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about giving up real estate to a play kitchen. If you’re also on the fence, do it. I promise, with the right accessories (we like this food cutting set and this pretend kitchen play set), it’ll keep the kiddo busy for quite a while. Bonus: as a sensation seeking kiddo (if you don’t know what that is, here’s an explanation), he likes to squeeze himself into the oven. I feel like any time I tell this story I have to over emphasize that it’s his play kitchen oven because I worry a bystander will overhear and think I allow my child to hang out in our oven. I do not.
My sister-in-law (I’d say my brother, but we all know it was my SIL who sent the gift) gave this to the little sometime after he first started walking. He didn’t quite grasp the concept of the game, but he knew he liked the clubs and balls. Well, now he actually uses it as a golf set in the backyard and he can busy himself for hours setting it up and putting around. Bonus: he also uses the golf caddy bag as transport for many other things — and a lot of times even that will keep him busy — filling it with pinecones or rocks and relocating them around the yard.
Okay, that’s it for me for today! If you have a tried and true favorite toddler toy that isn’t shared here, drop it in the comments below! I know I and the other moms would appreciate any and all recommendations!
Until next time, friend! XOXO
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