Losing Control: The Reintroduction of Habits

Do you ever just feel like your life is out of your control? Like you wake up, do all the things, and then as you’re laying in bed think to yourself what did I even do today? That’s been me lately. I’ve been productive, don’t get me wrong. But it seems I’ve lost all sense of control and my priorities have been all out of whack lately.

I often find myself thinking back to what life was like when we lived in Buies Creek. Minus the whole six month so-sick-and-scared period of our time there, I was really on top of my game. There was balance to my life, and I feel like ever since we left I’ve been on this constant quest to find it again. My days were all my own, but they had structure. I had this can-do attitude and put nothing off. Because really? I had nothing to lose.

There I found this interesting relationship between time, productivity, and that accomplished feeling. It was as if I concocted the perfect blended cocktail recipe and consumed it obsessively. (Almost as obsessively as I consumed quesadillas back in 2013.)

I would wake up with a hunger to get things done. I viewed every chore as simple minutes exchanged for relaxation. Okay, bear with me as I try to explain this train of thought here. Hopefully I make sense.

Take folding/putting the laundry away for instance. I hate that task, and I drag it out. I know I’m not alone here. I would ordinarily take the clothes out of the dryer and lay them out–but then leave them abandoned, pulling from the pile day after day until it was time to start the cycle over again. But in Buies Creek, I would say to myself “this task really only takes a few minutes. That’s nothing in comparison to the amount of time I’ll trade thinking about it.”

It was as if I recognized the burden the unfinished chore would have on my mind. That’s what’s exhausting to me these days. The constant looped thought of I didn’t empty the dishwasher, I’m too tired to vacuum, when was the last time I cleaned the toilet? Little by little, the house would become a disaster and it weighs on me.

I know, I know. You’re all screaming at the computer BUT YOU WORK FROM HOME! STOP COMPLAINING!  But you guys? Working from home means I’m home all day making a mess. I’m home all day in the mess. And I work until it’s time to go to sleep–all the while obsessing over all the things I didn’t get done. It’s a problem, and I need to address it.

I got out of the habit of being proactive.

These days, anything that isn’t related to Bliss Creative Services is handled reactively. Like oh, the house is a mess, I need to clean it. Instead of it’s Tuesday so it’s time to clean the toilets.

So, it’s time to reintroduce some good habits and structure beyond the work day into my life. I want to hear from you how you guys handle all the things. In the past, a cleaning scheduled worked really well for me. I also relied heavily on a good morning routine that would set me up to have a worry-free productive day.

As I figure this out, would you guys want me to keep you updated? I feel like maybe we could all use a little boost here, huh?

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3 Comments

  1. Mandy

    October 8, 2017 at 2:58 pm

    I am so in the same space friend. I worked on a schedule yesterday to keep me focused on making sure all the things are done and I keep my sanity. I can’t wait to see what you come up with.

  2. Kristin Darhower

    October 8, 2017 at 9:55 pm

    I read your first two sentences and thought “Yes, all the time”. I don’t even have the words to write out the thoughts but yeah, I get it.
    I also find it interesting that you and I were both the most productive and, perhaps in a backwards way, the happiest during the most isolating parts of our adult lives…I don’t even think about what’s next anymore or how I can improve on myself because it’s too overwhelming when there’s other aspects I can’t fix or control. Life, right?

  3. Megan

    October 29, 2017 at 11:52 am

    100% in the same boat. I waste so much energy WORRYING and THINKING instead of just doing. I say every Monday, this is my week. And by Tuesday. Whomp whomp!
    I think I need a written schedule. To keep me accountable.

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