Nostalgia has been haunting me lately. There’s a desperate longing for periods in my life that were just much simpler. The moments vary, whether it was high school, college, or even as recent as when we lived in our Buies Creek bubble.
Those simpler times certainly had their own troubles, I must remind myeslf. It’s just easy to put things in perspective in hindsight. Life these days is hard. Throat closing, panic attack inducing hard.
Nothing is wrong necessarily. It’s just that every single thing we do on a daily basis carries so much weight. There’s a physical and mental exhaustion that rides on the back of entrepreneurship. When every dollar you make depends solely on your hustle, your perspective of hard work shifts.
My brain feels constantly full. So full, in fact, that I’ve stopped making space for creativity. This blog is suffering. I haven’t written a single word in my current manuscript in months. Months. It’s not that I don’t have the time. That’s not the problem at all. I’ve just gotten into the habit of wasting time.
I get it. I do. But I miss bubbling up with creativity and being unable to fight the urge to tap out 1000 words, uncovering a story buried deep within.
The breakdown comes from a lack of planning. Because I spend so much of my time chasing Bliss, I find it easy to excuse away planning as a waste of time. So, then, “unnecessary” creative projects just crash and burn.
I told myself when I finished Yeah, maybe that I’d keep the momentum going. And now I can hardly remember what that exhilaration felt like. But the truth is, no one is going to do any of these things for me.
It’s been heavy on my heart lately. This hard-to-ignore feeling that if I don’t act on these things soon, they’ll slip away all together. But committing to them means sacrifice. Sacrificing down time, sleep, and time with friends. It was easier in Buies Creek, of course it was. I was in isolation with an MIA husband in a house that only set us back $600/month.
But if I’m waiting for the stars to align and deliver that kind of opportunity again on a silver platter, I might as well just give up now.
So, I guess once I say it, it’s real. You heard it here first. Book 2 is coming.
::dives into black hole::
I totally get feeling a little less than creative when you have a lot of things going on. I suffer from the same thing. Yeah, Maybe was awesome though and I am sure that deep down you will find that side of you to create another book!
“But I miss bubbling up with creativity and being unable to fight the urge to tap out 1000 words, uncovering a story buried deep within.” I feel you on this so much. My lack of output isn’t because I don’t have the time. I used to have the time when I was working in-office full time, commuting, training for a half marathon, and writing creative work every day. But now? Zilch. No inspiration, no creative energy, no commitment to making things in my “spare” time. I have an idea of what I need to fix the situation, and I’m working on it, but it’s not something that happens overnight.
I think about previous periods of my life too with the same nostalgia you describe and I pretend things were easier then. They weren’t. The challenges were different, but they were there. And the only reason those periods seem so much more manageable now is that I know already survived them once. I know I’ll survive these challenges too, but there’s no proof yet. I think that’s what causes us to look back at “simpler times” that really weren’t so simple for the people we used to be.
I haven’t been writing much either. I have been focusing on all these other aspects of my life and my authorship has suffered. Let’s make a commitment to getting it done.
Yes! I actually just ran a poll of my readers to find out if everyone who asked for a sequel to Yeah, maybe when they first read it are still interested in seeing one! I’m about halfway through a book project that has nothing to do with YM, but the subject matter is a little too close to home for me right now. So I’m in the process of outlining a sequel! Let’s keep each other accountable 🙂
I totally understand the nostalgia feeling! Life has been challenging lately and it’s so easy to think back to afternoon days in the sun at App and how easy it was (and to think I thought it was so stressful then, ha). But, then I remember how it’s easy to remember those days with a sunshine-y glow and forget that right now is pretty good, too!
Oh girl yes! I see pictures from my time at App on Sanford mall and just think “girl, you had it so good.” And then I look back at my journals from that time and realize that the smile on my face was just a mask. I was dealing with some dark demons. We were just young enough to be naive to what was around the corner. Things are pretty good right now, too. It’s sad that what we focus on is what becomes bigger–if that makes sense. So the stress ends up being all I see. I’m doing my best to work on that now.
You always seem to capture how I’m feeling with these posts. Thanks for putting it so eloquently into words! xx, I’m Fixin’ To