Loss

Change that Follows Loss

I do this thing that drives my husband insane. His first real experience with it was our Sophomore year of college. We’d made plans; he was supposed to come by my apartment for dinner. When he didn’t show up, I tried calling him…over and over. When an hour went by, and I couldn’t reach him, I drove over to his dorm. You see, he was an RA (Resident Assistant), so I was able to talk some kid in to letting my into the secured entrance by name dropping.

I reached his locked door and knocked. And knocked. And knocked. I knocked so hard and so long that my knuckles began to bleed. I could hear what I thought was water running in the background.

Oh, my God. He’s dead in the shower.

Panicked, I ran down to the Resident Director’s apartment and frantically knocked on his door. He opened it slightly, but just enough for me to catch a glimpse of my husband on his couch with a video game controller in his hand.

Why do you always assume I’m dead?

This would come to be a question he asked me time and time again through out our relationship.

But you see, tragic loss has followed me throughout my life. And loss is a catalyst for change, another great fear of mine. I’ve come to expect both always.

change and loss

I’ve learned throughout the years and the losses that change is almost always scary but rarely bad.  The initial explosion is catastrophic. It can take your breath away and flip your world upside down. But as the dust starts to settle, you hold on tight and brace for the aftermath. The change that follows. Because if I’m an expert on anything, it’s the fact that change always follows loss.

I’ve yet to experience a change that in the end wasn’t exactly what I needed in my life at the time. That’s the funny thing about change, sometimes we cope with it, sometimes we crave it, and sometimes we create it.

The change that follows loss rebuilds a person.

You’re suddenly left without someone or something you depend on. And in those moments, you have no choice but to depend on yourself and faith, if you have any. In a lot of ways it can be exciting. A plot twist within your own life leaves you staring into the darkness of the great unknown. It’ll be hard to see for a while, and if you let it the fear can consume you. But know the light is coming; you don’t have to live in the darkness forever. Change is the constant you can depend on when loss leaves you empty handed.

For me, the most important changes in my life have followed loss. Whether it was a person, a job, or a plan for my life, the absence of something or someone I depended on forced me to change. It forced me to open my mind, reach within to find strength, and face the challenge head on.

Because the thing about the change that follows loss is that it’s unavoidable. You have no choice but to accept and embrace it. You’re forced out of your comfort zone, and that’s where growth happens.

We’ll spend the month of February exploring all different kinds of change. I’d love to have you along for the journey! I want this to be a conversation, so share below if you have an experience with the change that follows loss.

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3 Comments

  1. Biana

    February 6, 2017 at 6:52 am

    I definitely have to say you’re not alone in assuming the worst – I have and still call G like 10 times in a row if he was supposed to be home and isn’t yet.

  2. Jane

    February 7, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    I am the same way, and I’ve never really had to deal with any loss. I don’t know what it is, but my mind instantly goes to the worst possible scenario and I have to calm myself down.

    1. joey

      February 14, 2017 at 9:35 pm

      Girl it’s such a problem for me! It drives Jonathan insane! If I had a dollar for every time he’s asked me why I always assume he’s dead, I’d be a rich lady!

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