For those of you who think I have my life so together right now, let me confess this:
I’ve been secretly using my husband’s toothbrush for weeks because I keep forgetting to buy one.
Let me make something clear. I needed a change. I wanted a change. I did not inherit any money. I wasn’t handed a golden opportunity on a silver platter. My husband does not make boatloads of money. I assessed the risks, put a little faith in my abilities, and I jumped.
I have no funding. Hell, I don’t even have health insurance at this exact moment. Things look dreamy from the outside because as scary as all of this is, it feels dreamy and I’m radiating that, I know this. But if I’m going to do this, I want to be extremely transparent in order not to perpetuate this idea that good things only happen to certain people.
Good things happen to people who work their effing asses off.
And that can be you, too.
I just don’t want there to be some kind of misinformation that the stars lined up, allowing me to quit my job and pursue my dreams. That is so very far from the truth. In fact, quitting my job wasn’t easy for me. And it wasn’t some grand display of bravery, quite the opposite, actually. It was me standing across from my boss dissolving into a puddle of tears.
Because the only truth here is that I wasn’t happy. I’ve been through hell and back in the last year, doing my best to be as strong as possible for everyone else, trying to be the glue that kept so many pieces together. So instead of breaking, I shattered.
The only thing I could control in that situation was my job. The only person I could control in that situation was me. And crazy as it sounds, we often struggle to make decisions that will serve us and only us.
I am a people pleaser, a servant at heart. Qualities that are good until they destroy you. Because if you forget to throw yourself into the mix, ensuring that through your service you are also bringing yourself pleasure, everything crumbles.
And everything crumbled.
I do not have my life together. All I did was make a decision to try. I don’t want this journey to seem rosy, discounted as easy or unfair. I fear there are already too many people online pretending that success and happiness floated over them in a glittery bubble, raining smiles down on them.
That doesn’t exist here.
I promise you this, as I trek my way through whatever it is that comes next, I’ll bring you along. And I’ll be honest.
I love your honestly in this. I think most decisions in life that we have to make that are bigger around surrounded by the thoughts that you have to have the perfect environment to make the change. Like changing jobs or going out on your own….there is never going to be the perfect time. Or when to have kids, you are never going to be prepared you just have to take the leap. I am so so so so envious that were you able to put the faith in yourself to take the leap. I only hope that I am half as brave as you when I decide to do the same. Whenever that may be! Best wishes friend!!! I appreciate your honestly that it isn't all rainbows and unicorns.
Buy your own toothbrush.
Your honesty is inspiring! I think it is so wonderful that you have just chosen to leap and not look back. You are amazing!
I'm just going to keep saying it: you are incredible. amazing. so raw and real and your words are needed.
I'm pretty sure you know my thoughts on this but…I'm so glad you made the decision you did. As difficult as it is to put ourselves first sometimes, it must be done. I'm glad you did what was best for you and your family. Onwards and upwards. <3
You know I LOVE THIS! Love bonding with you over these feelings. xo, Champagne&Suburbs