As I approach thirty, I’ve found myself on a journey, abandoning everything that once defined me on a quest to find my truest self.
It’s been interesting, identifying the parts of myself that I’ve worn like a cloak all these years only to now realize they weren’t right.
I settled. I accepted a life fueled by decisions I made before I was capable of knowing better. The thing about settling is that it’s often easier than the alternative. We settle because whatever it is, it’s a given. A guarantee. Whether right or wrong, it works. It’s a means to an end. A solution to an immediate problem. It’s fine.
It’s when we make the choice not to settle, to instead follow our hearts, that something strange happens. We feel relief. Freedom. Like we can breathe a little easier, if only for just a moment.
For me, not settling is about letting go. Of definitions I didn’t choose. Choices I didn’t know better than to make. Identities that no longer fit. Because the truth is, I could live this way for the rest of my life and there would be nothing wrong with it except that I wouldn’t be happy. I wouldn’t be fulfilled. I’d be following through with a plan that no longer makes sense for my life.
Choosing not to settle, while relieving, is equally exhilarating and terrifying. Deciding to stay has invited the question why continue on the temporary path?
As you’re reading this, I’m living out the last day inside a choice I’m letting go of, opening the door to the great unknown. I’ve chosen not to settle and to instead challenge myself. I’m rejecting this life, the one I have been unhappily cozied up inside for way too long because I was too scared to admit that it wasn’t right.
Today is my last day at my job. After today, I’m letting go of a label, a title I’ve carried around for way too long.
The choice to let go of something is rarely easy. There is often collateral damage. A happily ever after isn’t usually tacked on to these stories, but instead you find yourself experiencing the messy middle we all try so hard to avoid.
oh my goodness! big change. congrats for making a choice for you girl. i only know a little about your job from talking to you a bit about it but it sounds like a good decision. and these things rarely have happily ever afters because happily ever after is the end, and you're nowhere near the end of your happy 🙂
Good luck! I think Kristen sums it up perfectly – you are nowhere near the end of your happy!
Yes friend!!!!!!!!! I am so excited for you as you say goodbye to this chapter in your life and start something that you can call your own. So so proud of you friend and I am hoping I can follow suit.
I love reading your posts. They really set me on thinking about my own life and force me to take a look at me. Also – I love the picture on this post. A lot! Have a great trip and make lots of memories. 🙂
Hi I am a new reader! I can't thank you enough for this post! I have recently chose to take a 180 degrees turn towards a different path and sometimes it is scary but every day I keep seeing that I had to let go, I had to take this path….for me!
I love your writing Joey. Good for you for taking the leap and making a change, I hope the next path in your life brings you happiness 🙂
Ah girl, embrace the world, the moment, the whatever it is that inspires you. Change it good, unknown things are fabulous, and yes while challenging and overwhelming at times they definitely help us look at life from a totally different perspective. Change it definitely great!
So proud of your courage. Also, this: "I accepted a life fueled by decisions I made before I was capable of knowing better. The thing about settling is that it's often easier than the alternative. We settle because whatever it is, it's a given. A guarantee. Whether right or wrong, it works. It's a means to an end. A solution to an immediate problem. It's fine." Amazing. Your words are incredible.
I love this!! I recently went through something similar – a shedding of a past life to be reborn into a true, authentic self. How beautiful! I’m sure this wasn’t easy to write, so thank you for sharing with all of us!