The End and The Beginning
As I approach thirty, I’ve found myself on a journey, abandoning everything that once defined me on a quest to find my truest self.
It’s been interesting, identifying the parts of myself that I’ve worn like a cloak all these years only to now realize they weren’t right.
I settled. I accepted a life fueled by decisions I made before I was capable of knowing better. The thing about settling is that it’s often easier than the alternative. We settle because whatever it is, it’s a given. A guarantee. Whether right or wrong, it works. It’s a means to an end. A solution to an immediate problem. It’s fine.
It’s when we make the choice not to settle, to instead follow our hearts, that something strange happens. We feel relief. Freedom. Like we can breathe a little easier, if only for just a moment.
For me, not settling is about letting go. Of definitions I didn’t choose. Choices I didn’t know better than to make. Identities that no longer fit. Because the truth is, I could live this way for the rest of my life and there would be nothing wrong with it except that I wouldn’t be happy. I wouldn’t be fulfilled. I’d be following through with a plan that no longer makes sense for my life.
Choosing not to settle, while relieving, is equally exhilarating and terrifying. Deciding to stay has invited the question why continue on the temporary path?
As you’re reading this, I’m living out the last day inside a choice I’m letting go of, opening the door to the great unknown. I’ve chosen not to settle and to instead challenge myself. I’m rejecting this life, the one I have been unhappily cozied up inside for way too long because I was too scared to admit that it wasn’t right.
Today is my last day at my job. After today, I’m letting go of a label, a title I’ve carried around for way too long.
The choice to let go of something is rarely easy. There is often collateral damage. A happily ever after isn’t usually tacked on to these stories, but instead you find yourself experiencing the messy middle we all try so hard to avoid.
