Trading Authenticity for Approval
I found myself staring at a blank screen day in and day out, feeling compelled to become something that I’m not.
And the next thing I knew, I was allowing myself to feel validated by networks I knew nothing about offering me brand deals I didn’t want to write about.
I felt frantic, desperate to make a living off of something I started for fun. An enormous pressure built up until finally it suffocated me into silence.
Why do we allow ourselves to get trapped in these realities that we create for ourselves? We trick ourselves into believing that we have to do certain things, be a certain way to be worthy. I felt unworthy.
It wasn’t until I realized I didn’t have to that I started to feel free. The weight started to lift, I could breathe again. The words, little by little, came back. I let it go. I had to let it go.
I was trading in my authenticity for approval, and I’m willing to bet that a few of you may be able relate to that. How many times have you found yourself in the middle of something before you realized it wasn’t at all what you wanted? And at that point, you’d come so far that walking away felt like a failure? An embarrassment? You’d have to admit you were wrong, that you’d changed your mind. I get it. Sometimes, at that point, it feels easier to stay. It seems easier to live inside that choice to save face. You convince yourself that you’re not being inauthentic, you’re creating a new reality.
But hear me, if it doesn’t feel right, there’s something living inside that feeling whispering that it’s okay to walk away. Sometimes you have to walk away, wander into the darkness of the unknown for a little while, just to feel like you’re finding direction again.
I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you’re willing to walk into the darkness with me. Turning my back on Hodgespodges felt scary. And I’ll admit that a good chunk of the decision felt wrong, like I was giving up on something that had only ever been good to me. But sometimes you need a new beginning, a chance to plunge forward into the direction you’ve been holding yourself back from.
