I Think I Can…I Think…
I feel a little bit like a fraud because I’m meant to be writing a post all about the power of positive thought and how just thinking you can often means that you will.
And I believe that. I do. I’ve seen it happen before. I’ve had it happen to me before.
But for the sake of transparency, I feel like I can’t really talk about that today. Not when I sat across the table from two of my closest friends and admitted to them that while I know what I’m capable of I’m too scared.
It’s normal. It’s natural. But it’s also really freaking real. And the reality is, sometimes that fear is paralyzing.
The way to get past that is to talk it out, write it out, tell yourself all the reasons that the fear is wrong. I know the reasons, I’m just not convinced yet.
And the truth is, we probably aren’t ever actually convinced until we’re doing it. And we won’t actually do it until we shut down the fear and try.
J and I watched a movie this weekend, and while I was working during the movie (because am I ever not working?) I overheard a scene that made my blood run cold.
In the movie, a guy just graduated college and he’s working at a video store while he’s trying to figure out his next move. His twin sister is making all kinds of big decisions and bold moves, but he just doesn’t feel ready yet.
Well, at the end of the movie, he gets in trouble with the law, who also happens to be his dad. And while he’s breaking down, he admits that he just feels like a failure.
In a shocking reality, his dad told him that he didn’t earn that badge, he couldn’t even call himself a failure because he hadn’t taken any shots–he never tried, he never allowed himself the opportunity to fail.
All my life I’ve been the girl with big ideas who discounted herself down to nothing. I’ve always settled for good enough, never allowing myself to put the real work and effort into forever because what if I fail?
I’ve been through some seriously awful shit. I’ve lost people I needed to remind me how to survive. I’ve been told no when I really needed to hear a yes. I’ve been penniless and directionless.
But I’ve still managed to build a life I’m proud of. So what the hell am I so afraid of? Really. What’s the worst case scenario? It’s probably not as bad as you’d think.
