When You Decide To Remove All The Toxic Things

by | Oct 27, 2015 | Throwback | 25 comments

Letting go of anything toxic in your life will free you.  But know this, identifying the toxic problems and letting them go isn’t easy.  You would think it is, but take it from me, it’s really not.  It’s freeing, sure.  And the freedom is important, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
 
They say you get to know yourself better when you’re challenged when you’re pushed out of your comfort zone.  That’s true.  In the last year I’ve been pushed so far outside of whatever comfort zone I used to have, I can’t even remember what it was anymore.  It hurt.  And it was scary.  And there are still some days when I lock myself away to hide the tears, mourning all the toxic things I chose to leave behind.
The reality is, we all have or have had some kind of toxic baggage.  Most of us know it’s there.  Some of us don’t.  But either way, you feel it.  Those things you don’t want to do but have to.  The anger you’re holding on to for whatever reason.  The person you’re refusing to forgive because they don’t deserve it.  The friend you feel obligated to keep because of your history but who only ever disappoints you and hurts your feelings.  The family tradition you begrudgingly attend despite not having an ounce of desire to be there.  Those things, friends?  They’re all toxic.
But they wouldn’t be toxic if they were easy to escape.  Saying no, walking away, forgiving, and letting go open a part of your heart you try to keep closed, protected.
Doing the right thing for yourself rarely actually feels good.  Don’t let that ache in your heart fool you, though.  It’s good.  It’s right.  It’s important.
Recently, I let go of a friend.  The friendship became toxic, hurtful, and disappointing.  The weight of it kept me stuck in one place, unable to grow.  The hurt started to outweigh the joy.  Making the decision to let it be was anything but easy.  I didn’t instantly feel that I’m Free! feeling, hell no!  I felt sad.  I felt broken.  But despite the sadness, there was and is a peace in my heart.  The tiny whisper in my ear telling me I did the right thing.  Almost immediately, good things started happening for me.  I let go of a weight that was pulling me down.
getting rid of toxic people quotes

To experience true joy, you have to eliminate anything toxic.  In order to launch yourself into success, you have to free yourself from what’s weighing you down.  That doesn’t mean it’s going to feel good, but it does mean it will be right.

A theory I like to apply to anything important is it should feel good.  Your family should make you feel good.  Your friends should make you feel good.  Love, that feels good, too.  When those things start to habitually hurt you, they become toxic.  Walking away will never be easy.

But you deserve happiness.
You deserve success.
You deserve to feel good.
So let it go.

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25 Comments

  1. i lost a best friend a few months ago. i was devastated. it was like a break up. it was her decision. but i felt like a failure. it is so hard for me make friends being so quiet, that i feel like i'm a bad person or not worthy or a failure if one fades away. BUT! this friend did such crazy things (like catfish craziness) that i can see it was a blessing in disguise. i am a good person. she is not.

    Reply
  2. I lost a best friend a couple of years ago, it sucked to walk away from the relationship, but in the end, the relationship was brining me down and put my other friendships that I valued the most at jeopardy, I still think about her, but I know I made the best decision.

    Reply
  3. This happened with my best friend a couple of years ago. I mourned it like a relationship! It was so sad but so necessary. You can't grow if you have a weight pulling you down! Such good advice, lady!

    Reply
  4. Letting go of friends is one of the hardest things to do. I've had to do it a few times before and I always found myself wondering "what if." But that, too, is toxic. So we gotta let it go. Loved this post girl!

    Reply
  5. so true girl. you really don't feel that instant gratification because it still hurts for quite some time. the good part comes later, but at least it comes, right?!

    Reply
  6. I lost my best friend in college and it was really hard at first. I felt like I was constantly "in trouble" or in a land of anxiety because I didn't want to get on her bad side. As soon as I let go it took about a week before I felt calm again. We went years without speaking and today, we have made it as far as fb friends but that's it. Sometimes you wish them well but know in your heart what is best for you.

    Reply
  7. Oh man, this is always so tough. I'm glad you're able to see some positive changes though. Hugs to you!

    Reply
  8. So much yes to all of this! I have a few friendships that have got to go, but it's so hard to let go. But I know it'll be so freeing not to mention healthy <3

    Green Fashionista

    Reply
  9. You and I have already talked about letting go of friends and other toxins so I am just going to sit over here slow clapping your post.

    Reply
  10. Words have never been truer and I also had to let go of a very close but toxic friend about 3 years ago. She was hard to deal with and I felt like i was always walking on eggs shells around her which is not healthy! I feel free now.

    Reply
  11. I seriously love this post, oh my gosh, yes to all of it!

    Reply
  12. AMEN! You already know how I feel about all of this! xo

    Reply
  13. I've been in this same place… more than once. The weird thing is that in one of the cases, several years went by and people grew up and I'm not friendly with one of them again. You never know what the future may hold. I feel like it's more important to step away before things get watered down so badly that there's NO chance of reconciliation anywhere down the line.

    Reply
  14. I love thinking that what's important should truly make you feel good. There are times when I almost feel the opposite of this post, in that there are friendships I've let go of that I probably shouldn't have- I let myself get in the way of what could have brought me. But I think, as I grow, I'm coming to realize what's worth investing in, and it really does all come down to what makes me feel good.

    Reply
  15. It can be so hard to let go of someone you know isn't good for you, but so freeing once you do. Great post girl. Also I love your mug 🙂

    Reply
  16. Preach, preach, preach. I had to let go of a baggage friend and it really was a weight off my shoulders. Toxic attitudes have no place in my life and I'm much happier not having to pump her up all the time. Dealing with the fall out wasn't a walk in the park, since she decided to spread lies about me and situations, but hey, she's not in my life anymore so I'm still on the upside.

    I am sorry you had to let go of a best friend, that's way tougher than just a friend. <3

    Reply
  17. Unfortunately I have to agree with you. Ha. It's true. It's hard to let go and yet a removal sometimes is for the better. We all deserve happiness and for that we do need to let go of what makes us unhappy. Great post girl.

    xoxo

    Reply
  18. Yes to everything you said. As always you say it much more eloquently than I could ever hope to. Glad you put yourself first. It is hard to walk away from those friendships but it will get better overtime.

    Annie- All Things Big And Small

    Reply
  19. I'm reading The Secret right now, and although some of the stuff is a little far-fetched (Huge disasters happen because of the collective negative thoughts of all involved? Nah.), the whole thing is positive thinking.

    And until I started actively noticing thoughts, I had no idea how easy it is to get sucked into the negative. I guess it's a process for all of us. :0)

    Reply

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