Talking Life: Taking Risks & Being Afraid
For a while now, I’ve wanted brave tattooed in teeny tiny script on the underside of my wrist. The act itself would take tremendous courage because it would openly go against my upbringing. Never mind the fact that I already have a tattoo. But that’s my little secret, hidden away.
I’ve been consumed with fear lately. Chasing dreams is a synonym for taking risks. Everything feels so fragile, scary. But in true Joey fashion, I analyzed the feeling. I was tired of walking around with this knot in my throat, terrified constantly. And in order to combat it, I needed to find the root.
For weeks I assumed it was the fear of failure. But it wasn’t until I purged every worry, every thought, every dream down on to paper that I realized I had it wrong. I’m not afraid of failing. I’m afraid of the success.
As crazy as that sounds, hear me out. If I fail, what’s the worst case scenario? I keep the life I have now. And while I’m busy chasing dreams, I’m doing okay. I have a great job, a hard working husband, a cozy apartment and wonderful friends. Things are hard, but they are good.
But if I throw myself into all these creative projects floating around in my head, and I find success? Things would change. I’d be the boss. I’d assume a new role of responsibility. I’d once again be redefining myself; my world.
When you’re faced with a risk, people tell you to ask yourself what the worst case scenario is. But what do you do when the worst case scenario is actually the best case?
We get comfortable. Not lazy, necessarily, but we stick with what feels easy. I think back to my first few weeks at Western. When I got my acceptance, I knew without a doubt that I’d transfer to Appalachian after my first year. But that first week, I questioned myself. Well maybe I can just stay here. It would have been okay to stay there. There was nothing wrong with staying there. But it wasn’t what I wanted. But transferring meant I’d have to work my ass off and become vulnerable to another rejection.
But for the first time in my life, I was brave. I put myself first, and I worked harder than I ever had before. And when the success came, my life changed. It was terrifying, rewarding, and everything I’d hoped it’d be.
I didn’t think about failing when I started Blush. I didn’t think about failing when I set out to publish the book. I just did it because it was what I wanted. I didn’t let the thoughts in.
