I’ve been quiet because my heart has been working through something. I’ve struggled with the idea of bringing it up here because there’s a line I like to keep drawn, but it is what it is.
I just forced myself to close a chapter that to be quite honest has been closed for some time, I just haven’t allowed myself to accept it. I’ve never been very good at letting go, especially of people, because I believe in second chances. And third chances. And so on. But there comes a time when you’re flat out of chances to give. And your heart is so flattened from getting trampled on, from being let down so many times, that it’s best to just walk away.
It’s not an easy decision to make. Friendships aren’t just supposed to end. Everyone expects some romantic relationships to fail. But friendships are supposed to be built to last.
But the silence has told me everything I needed to know.
When I was a kid, I used to wonder why the universal symbol for “best friends” was a broken heart. But I get it now. You give that person a half of your heart because you’re supposed to be able to trust them more than any other person. But when that friendship falls apart, all you’re left with is half a broken heart.
I’ve tried to ignore it, pretend it isn’t going on. It doesn’t deserve the attention that my heart for some reason can’t stop giving it. And this is my last ditch effort to just feel it and move on. Sharing my heart hasn’t ever done me wrong. And for all I know maybe I’m not alone in this. Maybe there’s someone else out there dealing with the same thing who needs to see that they aren’t alone.
We’re not supposed to lose our best friends. We’re not supposed to know what this kind of ache feels like. But when it happens, there isn’t a standard cure. The fact is, I don’t need them anymore. I haven’t needed them for years. But that’s the difference with friendships, really. You don’t need them. You want them.
But I’m at the point where I don’t even want it anymore. A loyal person pushed to the point of apathy. And it’s a crying shame.
Honestly to me friendships ending are harder than romantic relationships ending. Been there sweet friend, sending lots of hugs!
I think friendships are a lot harder to deal with than romantic relationships, because at least with romantic most of the time there is a reason or someone is unhappy. I'm sorry you are going through this, and I can't say it will ever stop hurting, but it will get easier. It definitely doesn't deserve your time or energy. One day you will wake up and realise you haven't thought / cried / been sad about it for a couple days, then a week, then a month. It'll get easier!
Sorry friend!!! I think I have talked to you about loosing my best friend of 13 years, haven't I? Because if not, I would be happy to share. We haven't talked since 2011 and it still hurts me and is in the back of my mind nearly every day….but I know it is for the best. You are an amazing person and you deserve the best of friends. If someone isn't giving you what you are giving them (which I know is a lot because you are seriously amazing) then it is time to say good bye. I never thought the I wouldn't be friends with this girl anymore…but it happens. I guess we all grow and change, and sometimes it isn't for the best…but it happens. I am sending you all kinds of hugs because I know this is hard.
This is tough. I've let a lot of relationships go in the past, whether it was their "fault" or mine. Was this something where you kept reaching out and were getting nothing in return? To me, moving around/away has led to a lot of my friendships cooling off.
We've talked about this (and is this the same friend from… forever ago? Eek, so sorry things like that went on for so long if so!) and losing a friend is hard. It doesn't feel like a natural progression to go from "hey, I like you, let's be in each other's lives" to then all of a sudden (or slowly) not having them there. But if someone isn't worth the time or effort and constantly leaves you feeling bad instead of good, then sadly, it was time. I'm glad you have it figured out, even though it's hard. It seems like it was what was right for you.
I've learned that friendships really come & go… you just learn from them while you're in them & then if it ends, while hard, its OK… another person will come in your life that will be perfect for the time you are in. You'll be ok – I promise 🙂
You're definitely not alone. I've lost friends too, some through a conscious decision to cut out negativity and some through things drifting. I have no particular wisdom to offer that isn't flippant or trite, but it does get easier, I promise! That and try not to take it personally (easier said than done I know!)
I don't know if you have ever listened to the Dear Sugar podcast but I just listened to a few the other day and one of them was on Female Friendship and specifically losing them. It was interesting their perspectives, a lot of what she had to say about friendships in your 20s made me go aha! That was me! I lost a friendship in my 20s that I thought was a long haul friendship but it turned out to be a friendship for a specific time. Which makes sense now, we served our purpose in the other's life and we both were better for the friendship existing and then ending. But, it hurt when it ended. I spent a lot of time crying and being confused. And I'll admit to wanting to be right during our fighting which only made things worse!
I'm sorry to hear about this, but it sounds like you are handling it OK. I had a friend who was my good friend for 5 years and when I was planning my wedding she was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids. Long story short I felt like she was not there for me during that time and we ended up having a falling out. We haven't spoken in 6 years. I saw her in passing when I was out with my BFF last summer and she looked at me like I was a stranger. I was really hurt when we had our falling out, but I started to think about our friendship and realized that she wasn't a very good friend to me anyway. You just reach a point in your life where you know who your real/true friends are and that is what really matters!! 🙂
I really hate to hear that. I love that you chose to write about it because it's so therapeutic. Sending hugs and a bottle of wine your way because a broken friendship is tough to overcome. Yay for the brand new Charlotte friends you do have!
I'm so sorry to hear this. Losing a best friend is one of the toughest things to go through. I've been through it too and this post reminded me how much it hurts. I hope it gets better for you soon! Hugs!
Oh girl- I understand and feel you on this post 110%! I lost two very close friends in the past couple of years….and it still stings. Even thinking about the fact that it turned into very much a one sided friendship…it still stings because there were happy times.
So I'm thinking about ya- it does get easier…though the hurt of having lost that friendship will never completely go away.
These things do happen, they hurt like hell, but they do happen. Sending you all the love and hugs! XOXOXO
I think losing a friend, especially a best friend is extremely tough. This is the person that is supposed to be with you until the end, even after you're married and have kids. I lost touch with my best friend when I moved and it really hurt me. Now I realize that who we were as friends aren't who we are now. We both grew in opposite directions and that's just how life turned out for us. We don't really talk anymore but it doesn't bother me because I'm happy with who I am and who I surround myself with.
Friendships have always been incredibly emotional for me. I put my heart and soul into my friends, so whenever I've had struggles with a friend, it's bene more heart wrenching than any romantic relationship I've had. But you're right, sometimes, silence says everything. Sending you love because you rock. xo
So sorry to hear about this! I've definitely dealt with one-sided friendships before, and it can be so hurtful!
I looked back from your Thursday post to see this post. I've always given my full heart in a friendship, and usually gotten burned in the end. I just want to say my heart goes out to you and I hope you find some peace. It always hurts, but remember, they are only just one person, and you have a heart of gold even if part of it was left with them.
liz @ sundays with sophie