When The Silence Says It All

by Joey | Jul 27, 2015 | Throwback

I’ve been quiet because my heart has been working through something.  I’ve struggled with the idea of bringing it up here because there’s a line I like to keep drawn, but it is what it is.

I just forced myself to close a chapter that to be quite honest has been closed for some time, I just haven’t allowed myself to accept it.  I’ve never been very good at letting go, especially of people, because I believe in second chances.  And third chances.  And so on.  But there comes a time when you’re flat out of chances to give.  And your heart is so flattened from getting trampled on, from being let down so many times, that it’s best to just walk away.

It’s not an easy decision to make.  Friendships aren’t just supposed to end.  Everyone expects some romantic relationships to fail.  But friendships are supposed to be built to last.

But the silence has told me everything I needed to know.

When I was a kid, I used to wonder why the universal symbol for “best friends” was a broken heart.  But I get it now.  You give that person a half of your heart because you’re supposed to be able to trust them more than any other person.  But when that friendship falls apart, all you’re left with is half a broken heart.

I’ve tried to ignore it, pretend it isn’t going on.  It doesn’t deserve the attention that my heart for some reason can’t stop giving it.  And this is my last ditch effort to just feel it and move on.  Sharing my heart hasn’t ever done me wrong.  And for all I know maybe I’m not alone in this.  Maybe there’s someone else out there dealing with the same thing who needs to see that they aren’t alone.

We’re not supposed to lose our best friends.  We’re not supposed to know what this kind of ache feels like.  But when it happens, there isn’t a standard cure.  The fact is, I don’t need them anymore.  I haven’t needed them for years.  But that’s the difference with friendships, really.  You don’t need them.  You want them.

But I’m at the point where I don’t even want it anymore.  A loyal person pushed to the point of apathy.  And it’s a crying shame.