Moving.

by | Jun 23, 2015 | Throwback | 9 comments

I keep having these dreams that we’re moving.  Usually, it’s not anywhere crazy–just a simple move within the same area.  In fact, last night I dreamt that we were moving to a different apartment within the same complex.

And I always wake up sort of panicky and then I’m flooded with relief when I realize it’s just a dream.  In fact, J came to bed really late last night, and that’s what woke me from that dream.  And I was scared (weird) to fall back to sleep, fearing that I’d end up in the same dream.

I’m not one to believe the dreams really mean anything (mine are often way too random), but this has been a consistent theme among my dreams for the last few months.  I feel like once a week I have a similar experience.  So I looked it up.

That’s not earth shatteringly visionary or anything–it’s a pretty easy conclusion to draw, but it couldn’t be more spot on.  In all aspects, really.  My need for change stems from needing to find the balance within my day job and my writing.  I know change is on the horizon in that regard, and I’m anxiously awaiting for that moment.

Signifying the end of a situation?  I guess that’s it, too.  Part of our lives is over.  Football, which seemed like an extension of my family, isn’t anymore.  It’s okay, but it’s different.  And I think it’ll take us at least 365 days before we’re fully comfortable with that change.  It’s like a loss, really.  You don’t know how you’ll really cope with it until you’ve experienced it through all seasons.

I find it funny that it could also signify the end of a relationship.  I spent forty minutes writing and rewriting a blog post last night that I ended up just deleting all together.  It was all about what do you do when your best friend isn’t your best friend anymore.  I’ve touched on this a few times over the last few years, but it’s a realization that just comes slowly and yet all at once.  You just wake up one day and realize someone who was once so important just…isn’t in your life anymore.  And for me, of all the things those dreams might have signified, this is the most prominent.  It’s something I carry on my heart day in and day out despite the lack of attention I give it.  And there’s really no way to discuss it without sounding petty or pathetic.  But it’s there.

I’m not sure how to make the dreams stop.  It’s interesting to me that something I’ve done so much over the last five years is haunting my dreams as if they were nightmares.  There aren’t any monsters chasing me or people holding me at gun point (although that’s made an appearance in the last month).  It’s the act of moving that torments my mind in the wee hours of the night.

Every move we’ve ever made has been a good one in its own right.  They’ve each been full of fear, apprehension, stress, and anxiety.  But they’ve all been for the best.  It doesn’t take a genius to pull together some kind of conclusion from this.

Moving on is for the best.
Always.

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9 Comments

  1. It's funny, over the past year I've really adopted the "Reason. Season. Lifetime." philosophy. Some friends we have for a reason, some a season, and some a lifetime. I thought a friend filled the lifetime role, and I have no clue how the friendship dissolved, but it just did. It kind of bothers me, yet I feel a peace about it. If I really think about the friendship, we were both in similar seasons of life so it was an easy friendship, but as we both moved on from that season, our conversations and free time to hang out, became less and less. However, the experiences and memories of the friendship are still great!

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  2. When I read the title, I was thinking, "NO WAY." I know how much you love your apartment and Charlotte life right now so I'm really glad to read that that's not the case. Here's to hoping everything gets settled. xoxo

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  3. Isn't it strange what our dreams can sometimes tell us about ourselves?? I know that you are going to find that balance that you need. And I know that we have talked about not being friends with someone anymore and how hard it is, but it is something that, in my experience, I haven't gotten over completely. It still makes me sad when I think about it…and I believe it is one of the hardest "break ups" to go through.

    PS – That damn little video that plays at the bottom of your blog really makes commenting hard!!! It keeps shooting me down there and I have to keep pausing it and scrolling back up.

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  4. Funny that you mention 5 years. For a 5 year stint in our marriage, we moved 5 times: Colorado, Hawaii, Alaska, Hawaii and back home to Oregon. We moved twice while we were in Colorado and twice while we were in Alaska. So I understand moving is stressful and expensive. It would appear that you're processing more than just your recent moves. I pray that goes smoothly for you and perhaps the moving dreams can end. Hopefully your dreams can be nicer to you too. Estherdavison@gmail.com

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  5. I'm sorry these dreams are so intrusive for you. I'm sure your subconscious will catch up with everything that's happened soon enough, but I hope you can manage some good sleep in the meanwhile. Also I too know about the friends thing – it's really rough, but I'm trying to be more zen about those friendships that drift. By the looks of things, it happens to everyone!

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  6. I'm glad you finally came to the realization that I am your best friend and that will stay until the end of time. You'll never be getting rid of me. EVER. Lol. I hope the dreams calm down soon, friend, and that you're able to get some serious rest! Love you.

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  8. Moving on from close friendships is so hard! It's crazy to think that someone you were so close with is just not in your life anymore, but it happens, unfortunately. I have a friend who I've known all my life and we are still friends thankfully but the dynamic is different as we have become adults and our lives have gone in different directions.

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  9. i am so sorry to hear about your best friend. i have thoughts and whatnot on friendships and you're right, there really is no way to talk about them without sounding petty. but it really can be so hard to drift apart from certain people. i'm sorry you are dealing with it! hope the dreams settle down soon, they sound horrible 🙁

    Reply

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