New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.
-Lao Tzu
If you’ve hung around these parts long enough, you know there are very few things that I allow to define me. Writer is one. Wife, another. Believer, for sure. And football wife.
I told you about how my marriage was untraditional. How being a football wife involved sacrifices most would never assume. It’s hard for outsiders to understand what kind of toll it can take on a family. People forget the long hours the coaches put in and never know that they rarely see much reward. It’s not an easy lifestyle to keep up with. It’s unstable. And the further in to it you get, the harder it becomes.
Before I get into this, know that the five years we put into the game were important. They were hard, but they were wonderful. But we are no longer a football family.
I’ve seen my husband more in the last 6 months than I have in the last 5 years. We’ve eaten more meals together. We’ve spent more time together with friends. We’ve seen our families and we’ve taken trips. We’ve sat on the couch both dozing off to some random television show. We’ve gone to the gym together and made new friends. We’ve had conversations about nothing, laughing until we cry at the randomness. I’ve fallen more in love with the man who was a shadowy figure creeping in at all hours of the night the last five years.
If he came home tonight and said he thinks he made a mistake, that he misses the game, we’d dive back in. I’d sit in a stadium every Saturday for the rest of my life if that’s what he wanted. Once married to the game, it’s hard to get out.
I won’t get into the details of how it all went down. That’s unimportant. But the longer I sat, holding on to this secret, the more I realized it’s just a part of life. People move on from the lives they thought they wanted.
It wasn’t an easy decision. One we discussed to death and prayed constantly about. Whenever you decide to redefine yourself, it takes some time. It takes some tears. It takes a lot of back and forth, hoping you didn’t make a mistake. But that’s the case with any kind of risk, really. You never know for sure until you just do it. Close your eyes, jump, and hope for the best.
We jumped. That’s part of the reason we moved to Charlotte. When we cut the cord and took that first gasping breath of civilian air, we realized the options were limitless. We could go and do and be whatever we wanted to be. And that was such a liberating feeling, though a little sad.
Though our hours are much more in sync these days, I don’t think it’ll really hit either of us until fall rolls around. Until that first game day Saturday that we spend at the pool or…shock…sitting in a stadium as spectators ourselves.
Life does this. The plans you think you have just aren’t the right ones after careful consideration. And it’s okay to admit that. It’s okay to think about what you want. What is best for you, for your family, for the life you really want, and to go after that. Whatever it is.
And there you have it. The final piece in this whole Charlotte puzzle. The truth. It feels…weird. But it’s good. Important. Different.
And we’re just fine.
So excited for you two! What a blessing to be able to spend so much more time together than you used to. And as usual, I love how you approach this topic and new phase of life with your deep thinking and ideas about redefining our lives. Hope J's new job is going well!
Yay for you two! That's really exciting. When one door opens, another one flies right open!
Love this! I think it's so true that when you're in a career for so long it can be hard to see any other options, but it sounds like such a great blessing now that you can spend more time together & things are in place in a different type of way.
Making a big change can be terrifying (and exciting!). When I started college, I was actually a musical theatre major. Performing had been a part of my life for so long, it only seemed natural that I would continue that path in college. But, when I decided to drastically switch majors after just one semester, I basically had an identity crisis. I didn't really know who I was without that piece of my life.
It all worked out, and I'm happier now than I ever was then! Big changes can definitely be bittersweet, and you'll probably be filled with a bit of a homesick feeling the next time you sit in the stands (it happens to me every time I hear a favorite show tune!). But, that doesn't mean it was the WRONG decision. So excited to see where all of these new adventures take you guys! 🙂
Whew, this is probably my longest comment ever, by the way.
Sometimes I envy people who are going through a big, exciting change. Although, I know when you're in it, it's usually a little more scary. Today actually marks 4 years since I started my new job in SC and when we moved here. It's always scary to make a big change, but man moving here was the best thing ever. There were times when it was crazy, scary but when things fit together so well it starts to be less scary and more like man why didn't we do this sooner?!? Glad you all are happy in your new town and enjoying having time together again! Amazing what that can do for a marriage! 😉
Change is always scary but I'm so glad you feel at peace and are enjoying the beautiful city of Charlotte! 🙂
I know that you guys are enjoying settling in to your new lives. Everything fell in to place for you two in Charlotte and look at how much you get to enjoy!!! I wish you all nothing but the best 🙂
I am so glad that you both feel at peace with everything, that is so important!
We're at the very beginnings of making a decision like that…it's tough. I have no idea what the next year or two will hold in the way of careers.
What's J up to now? I hope it's making him happy!
I'm glad that YOU finally feel settled and comfortable in your "strange" new world!
Oh I so know this feeling of having to make a big change! I'm so glad you're at peace and everything is working out!
I love reading this, I'm so happy for you two and the way it all turned out. You guys are a wonderful couple and have been an awesome example 🙂
I know you guys are exactly where you're supposed to be. And I know that must just feel SO good.
I know you guys are exactly where you're supposed to be. And I know that must just feel SO good.