i’m just a little girl

lost in the moment 

i’m so scared

but i don’t show it

i can’t figure it out

it’s bringing me down i know

i’ve got to let it go

and just enjoy the show

slow it down

make it stop

or else my heart is going to pop

cause it’s too much

yeah, it’s a lot

to be something i’m not

i’m the fool out of love

and i just can’t get enough

i’m just a little bit caught in the middle

life is a maze 

and love is a riddle

i don’t know where to go

 can’t do it alone

i’ve tried

and i don’t know why…

I’m not equipped for this, guys.  The day we put on the fancy clothes and made all those promises to each other was the day I sighed a breath of relief.  We wouldn’t have to do the long distance thing anymore.  I’d had about all I could take of it.  The majority of our relationship we’d spent apart.  Two days before our wedding was the first time I’d seen him in 4 months.  I’ve done it before.  We’ve survived it.  I don’t want to have to do it anymore.  Living alone?  It’s never something I wanted.  

I’m all over the place.  The moment I found out we were moving, I resisted.  I didn’t want to leave Charlotte.  We love it here.  We’ve been so happy here.  I wanted to stay.  Ha, the universe has a funny way of answering those wishes.  I take it back.  I’d give anything to be going with him Monday night.  I’d leave all our stuff behind.  I’d leave this town and never look back.  

It’s a few months, I know.  I’m a wuss and weak.  So sue me.  I like to be where my husband is.  I like living as a family.  It’s a few months, sure.  But it’s a few months we won’t ever get back.  I cherish our time together always.  

Football wives are supposed to be stoic.  I am not.  I am a ball of emotions and a puddle of tears.  On Monday night my husband will drive away–leaving me living the life we used to live together.  I’ll go through the motions every single day.  

My heart hurts.  Holding back the tears creates this huge lump in my throat that makes it feel like it’s hard to breathe.  I am weak; together we are strong.  I’m going to miss my buddy, my supporter, my partner.  

Is it April yet?

**I apologize for the tone of the blog these days.  I am not the kind of person who can be going through something and hide it.  This is an honest space.  I hope you all can understand.**